I’m really not sure if I’m just bat shit crazy, or if my relationship is spiraling down the drain.
I really feel like my relationship is spiraling down the drain.
I don’t even know how much detail I need to go into. All you have to do is read back a couple of weeks…and see that we were basically just going through the same thing.
Same shit, different week.
I’m on the back burner, yet again.
I am pregnant at home with our 2 kids. Scott is out burning the town up, living his best life.
I can’t even put this all on Scott because I feel like I have contributed to allowing this behavior. I’ve allowed it for a very long time to be okay that we do our own thing. I’ve allowed us to essentially become independent.
We honestly don’t need each other to function. It’s sad.
I’ve been trying since I was 18 weeks pregnant with Briar to get this relationship back on track.
I love him. But at what point do I give up? At what point do I say enough is enough? At what point is it okay to continuously be gone from myself whom is 23 weeks pregnant, and your two kids? At what point do I stop answering Raelynn’s questions of, “Where is Daddy? And why didn’t he come home with us tonight?”
I’ve been trying for 2 1/2 years to keep our relationship together and functioning and I really think I’m done.
I’ve been having the same conversation for 2 1/2 years. With zero change. I’m not asking him to change as a person. I’m asking him to direct an OUNCE of attention towards me. I just don’t feel like that’s a lot to ask.
But apparently it is to him.
All of this unhealthy relationship bull shit is not helping me grow as a person. It’s skewing my vision and bogging me down on so many different levels. I feel unattractive. I feel mentally and emotionally drained. I feel like I do not matter to the person I’m supposed to matter the most to.
So, again, I ask the question, at what point is this okay?
I don’t know how we recover from this. I don’t know if we recover from this.
I can’t even believe I’m saying this, and I’m in a million tears as I write this, but I feel like I want a separation.
And I really don’t think we will recover from a separation. I think we will try to make it work, but it will lead straight to a divorce over time.
I don’t even know how a separation works. I just feel like he needs time away from me and the kids to figure out what he wants. I don’t know another way to do it. Clearly we have been trying it the traditional way for 2 1/2 years and yet, here we are.
I can’t even process what this would do to the kids. It literally breaks my heart to know there is a potential that both of us would not be parenting under the same roof.
And how the fuck does this work when I’m literally 23 weeks pregnant? Jesus. I don’t even know.
I can’t believe I’m thinking these thoughts.
I can’t believe I’m having these thoughts.
I can’t believe our relationship has actually come to this.
My spirit is broken. And I just can’t do this anymore.
I don’t have faith in us anymore.
