2 weeks have passed since my last post. It’s been a while since I have let that much time get in between posts. But, I have needed the mental break for the moment.
Since I have been struggling so bad, I ended up going back to see the person, Jamie, that did my chakragraph reading. She does reiki healing or energy work. It’s basically her calling upon spirits to go through my chakras and get rid of the bad energy. Yes, I know, it sounds a bit crazy, but, I encourage you to keep reading. I really had no idea what I was getting myself into, but at this point, what could it hurt? Plus, she is just such a good soul. If for one minute, I could not think about all this mess going on, then it would be worth it.
I walked in, and her place is just so comforting. We sat down and she asked how I had been doing. She was aware of my miscarriage, but not about my uterus. I didn’t want to offer too much information because I wanted her to tell me things. Of course, typical Keisha was already crying before anything started.
I don’t know how to describe this, but I laid down in the bed, but it wasn’t a bed, it was comparable to a hospital bed, but it wasn’t that either. I know…that makes perfect sense, right? Anyways, she told me that she would just be scanning my body with her hands, but not touching me to see where my energy was for the moment. She got to my heart and said she could tell it was big, but it was full of hurt right now. She then went to my left shoulder. She asked if it had been hurting. And it had been for about 6-8 weeks now. She told me that it looked like spider webs, just layers and layers of spider webs. She touched my shoulder and then swung this pendulum over my shoulder with her other hand. She explained this was one of the tools that she used to help rid my body of bad energy and put good energy back in. The pendulum swung in circles and then when it stopped, the bad energy was released and then she would start swinging it again to put the good energy in.
Whenever she was finished with the initial assessment which didn’t take long, it was mainly my shoulder, she started at the top of my head and went all the way down to my feet, covering all chakras. There are 7 of them.
I was told that I may feel like I was in a dream like state, but I never did. I was fully aware of everything that was going on, for the most part.
At each chakra, we had to get to the root of the bad energy, and then it would release. When it was released, she would fill it back up with good energy. I don’t remember on all the chakras what was the actual root of the bad energy. Some were more prevalent than others, and that’s why I remember them more.
She started at my crown. I don’t really remember any details from this except that she was pulling in my anxious energy.
In my brow area, which is my third eye, she immediately picked up my childhood. She asked if I lived somewhere with wooden stairs. The only place this could have been was my mama’s, which is my mom’s mom. We lived there for a couple of years, but after we moved out, I was there often because it was just me and my mom for a long time and my grandma would babysit me because she didn’t work. She said she was picking up spirit there and asked if I ever felt it. When I was older, my mom told me that when I was little, I used to have an imaginary friend. Jamie immediately said that was definitely spirit. After my healing session, I asked my mom if it was always at mama’s house and she said yes.
At my throat, things started to get interesting. In my chakragraph, my throat was blocked. It was still blocked. It just means that I’m having a communication breakdown with one or more people. We got to the root of who it was and the pendulum stopped swinging. Crazy.
I can’t remember if it was at my throat, or with my heart, but she told me that a specific spirit was present for me. She said she smelled of perm and she lived in a yellow house. I have absolutely no idea who this was. I still do not have any idea. I have asked my mom afterwards and she doesn’t know either. I guess I need to expand my search.
Then onto the heart, which I knew would be a bad one. I started crying right off the bat. She stuck some kleenex under my leg if I needed them. She could obviously feel my broken heart. I can’t remember exactly how we got on my dad, but we did. I can’t really remember what all was said, but she asked if he had a mustache, and I said yes. Then she asked if it was like a Tom Selleck mustache and I just started laughing because she was right on the money. Proof:
I think the heart is also where guilt came up. I am harboring a lot of guilt for wanting three kids. I can’t get over the fact that I want another one when I have two healthy babies at home. Jamie has been the first person to make me feel like it’s okay that things weren’t as I had pictured them. Everyone ALWAYS says, “Well, at least this…and at least that…” Jamie allowed me to FEEL. She allowed me to cry for a minute. I went to lift my head up just a little to grab the tissues under my leg and I could barely lift my head up. I told her my head felt so incredibly heavy. She very calmly said, “That’s because spirit is holding your head.”
I also just remembered that was one of the main reasons for my shoulder hurting, carrying burdens or burdening myself with things that aren’t necessary. Guilt came up one other time as well.
Also in the heart she asked what I was doing for self-care. What was I doing to make peace with everything. I told her that’s why I was here because I literally do not know what to do with myself. She asked if me and Scott had recently talked about going on a weekend getaway. In our therapy session, the therapist asked if this was possible for us. We just kinda shrugged our shoulders and moved on. The idea sounded nice, but with a million different factors, I wasn’t sure either of us would really make the move to do it. Just two days before my appointment with Jamie, I had looked up the Cincinnati Reds schedule. We both like baseball, and we had talked about Cincinnati in the past because it’s close and we could go for a day and stay the night and then come home the next. I shit you not, Jamie asked if we liked baseball. I laughed and said, yes. She asked if I had been thinking about going to Cincinnati. I just shook my head and said yes. She said, “Go to a game. The spirits will be on your side for good weather. Oh, and bribe your husband with a beer, because that apparently gets him everywhere.” LOL I was dead. All of this was just so accurate. She said that we needed this. We need this time together to be “carefree” and focus on us, and I would assume that it’s going to help get me out of this funk. She brought up my anger, which I’ve been having a lot of. *Disclaimer – I”m not an animal abuser and I don’t condone animal abuse* She said, in a laughing manner, “Stop kicking the dogs.” Just that very day, I was trying to get out the door and Scarlet wouldn’t get back, my hands were full, with the door open, we live on a busy road, I was yelling at her, and she wasn’t listening. All of the terrible scenarios were going through my head, “Yes, this is it. This is going to be the time she darts out on the road and gets hit by a car.” So I gave her a swift nudge with my foot on her butt to move her along……And now I know, I’m always being watched…..
I just had another thought too, but I guess it doesn’t mean anything right now, but I just want to write it before I forget. She kept telling me the wind element was on my side. I will have to research that.
We got to the solar energy and I remember it took us a long time to get through this one. She told me she saw a new diet in my future. I recently started a low carb diet to give keto a try. I am not going full on keto, just low carb to see if I can actually function. I’m still not convinced that I am going to go on keto, but I’m doing okay with low carb for the moment. She said I wasn’t getting enough calories. For the moment, I am on a caloric deficit by choice. She also told me that there was a golden beer that hurts my stomach. I couldn’t really figure this one out. I drink Bud Light, which I wouldn’t really consider “golden”, but my beer palette has been expanding. And I don’t know of any that have gave me a stomach ache…so, I don’t know?? Jamie said a white house kept coming up. The house we currently live in has white vinyl siding. But, the house I lived in growing up was white brick. So I brought up both. She asked which one had the big porch. I told her it was the one that I currently live in. I asked what the significance of it was and she said, “They are telling me to tell you to get your shit off the porch.” I just busted out laughing. The side and the back of the porch are a mess. We haven’t really had a good day to go outside and clean stuff up. I have been wanting to make some pallet furniture for the back porch so I can sit out there, but I haven’t had the time. So I guess this is the push that I needed. Jamie said that I needed to make it welcoming. I have been talking to some of the girls about having mimosa’s on like a Sunday morning or something at the house when it gets warmer, so maybe this is what I need.
Then the sacral which is the reproductive organs. I told her to just sit back and relax because everything was about to happen. This was the whole reason I was here. To this point, we had not discussed my uterus at all. The pendulum started over my uterus and she was confused. She said she saw a healthy, pink uterus. I didn’t say anything. She then said, “It looks to be functioning, but it’s in the shape of a heart?” She was confused, but she had hit the nail on the head. I gave her some small details that she was correct. I still wanted to see what else she could pick up. Emotions that kept coming up were guilt and failure. Guilt on myself and that my body had failed me, which are the exact emotions I was feeling and I’ve even quoted them in a couple of blog posts. I explained to her that Scott and I hadn’t directly spoke about it, but we feel as though the decision has been made for us that we are not having any more kids. And it’s heartbreaking for me. And it’s a lot for me to deal with. And I don’t know how to deal with it. She said whenever I let go of the guilt that I’m harboring and start a self-care routine, I will feel better.
Then, onto the root. In the picture above, it shows just below the sacral, but for me, she went to my feet. She immediately asked if I had been thinking about taking CBD oil. Like, what in the actual hell? I haven’t really talked about it on here, or even told a lot of people, but to answer your inquiring minds, YES, I have been. *After I left, I pulled up my internet on my phone and it was on the research I had been doing on CBD oil.* CBD oil was my option C on dealing with my anxiety. CBD oil is an extraction from cannabis (aka marijuana), but the psychosis inducing ingredient (the ingredient that makes you feel high if you smoke marijuana), is left out. So, essentially, you get all the feel good effects minus the high.
It’s just such a touchy subject. I have been talking to Scott about CBD oil or pot to deal with my anxiety instead of anxiety medicine. He never said no, and he never said yes. Jamie told me the spirits 100% supported the decision for the CBD oil. That was all the affirmation I needed. This is going off topic a little bit, but I feel it’s something that I want to talk about. That exact night, I ended up telling a friend about my healing session with Jamie and that I had been thinking about the CBD oil. She told me she knew someone that could get it in a way that I could vape it. I hesitated, but then the next day, I said, let’s do it.
The first time I tried it was Monday night, April 2. I felt very relaxed and a little sleepy. I might have done a little too much because I wasn’t sure what to expect. Even though I had done the research, I thought I might feel a little high LOL, but I didn’t. Throughout the week, I have been trying to figure out a dosage and I think I finally have. I was doing 3 times a day, just a hit or two; but now I’m down to 2. I think 2 will work for me. I can see every once in a while maybe doing 3 times a day.
Just in the short week that I’ve been doing it, I can already tell it’s working for me. Raelynn was supposed to start soccer this Thursday. Last year, I was freaking out when she had soccer. This was changing my schedule that I worked so hard to create and maintain. It completely threw me off balance. I was an anxious mess. This year, who cares! I can’t wait to see Raelynn play soccer! That’s HUGE for me. HUGE. While we were getting ready for soccer Raelynn accidentally knocked a bead set off a shelf onto the floor and it went everywhere. Little, tiny, small beads everywhere. She was almost in tears and saying sorry a million times over. I was cool and calm and collected and I said, it’s okay, we will deal with it later, we just have to make sure Briar doesn’t come in here. Me last week probably would have went the fuck off. That makes me so sad that I would act like that, especially to Raelynn when it was just an accident. It’s so nice to see things with a clear head.
For the past 4 months, I have had a roller coaster of emotions. Anxiety has been the one that has spiraled out of control, just taking me to a dark place. With one week of CBD oil, I feel like a new person. It’s such a shame that more people are not aware of this and/or are hesitant to use it.
Sorry, that was way off subject, but I wanted to share my experience.
There were more things that were said, but I can’t remember them all. Whenever I say I can’t remember, it’s just that other stories stuck out more than others. I was fully aware of everything going on the whole time.
When she was finished with the energy work, she shook this homemade rattle thing over me to seal all the work she had done, then without touching, she scanned my body with her hands again to “release” me from spirit that was holding me down. She told me to slowly get up, and my head was not heavy anymore. So weird, and cool. I was laying down for 2 hours, so I figured I would be a little lightheaded whenever I sat up. I sat there for minute and said, “Well, I feel drunk, is that normal?” She laughed and said to wait a minute. I told her I still felt drunk. She told me to hang my legs over the side of the bed, she put both hands on my knees, she said to envision and feel my crown, and then proceeded to go through all 7 chakras. When it was over she said, “Okay, do you still feel drunk.” And I didn’t! So freaking weird! She then explained to me that I wasn’t all the way back in my body. So even though I was aware the whole time of everything going on, I was having an out of body experience. And whenever it was over, I just didn’t get all the way back in and that’s why I was feeling drunk. So crazy.
This experience was so enlightening and much needed. I’m so happy I decided to go. I asked her if this type of healing was something that people do on a regular basis, or as needed. She said that everyone is different, but some people use it as therapy. I can totally see myself doing this a couple of times a year. Every year, I am definitely getting a chakragraph done, but then maybe this energy work a couple of times a year.
Until next time…
–The Kentucky Momma