It’s happened again to one of my close friends. Another miscarriage. I just can’t believe it. It absolutely breaks my heart. I just don’t get why people have to go through this. I’ve known she was pregnant from the beginning. She text me right away and told me. She had to go to the ER last week because she was having some bleeding, but they did an ultrasound and a baby was there with a good, strong heartbeat. Then, not even a week later, her bleeding hadn’t stopped, and she had another ultrasound that confirmed there was no heartbeat. She was around 9 weeks along. Her and her husband wanted this so bad. Her husband has an older kid already, but she does not have one, and they do not have a kid together. All I could do was be there for her and listen to her and try to be strong for her. I hope this doesn’t sound selfish, but everytime I hear about a miscarriage, especially one involving my friends, it just brings back a flood of emotions for me. Especially since October is the month I lost my twins. I just know exactly what she is feeling and it just makes me so sad that ANYONE has to experience these types of feelings and emotions. She had her D&C scheduled for the next day, but she ended up passing everything naturally the same day she found out there was no heartbeat. I’ve talked to her everyday this week and she is having a really hard time. I remember when I lost the twins, I missed work Monday – Wednesday and then only worked a half day Thursday and Friday. Then, with the second one, I literally missed 2 hours of work total. I remember dealing with the emotions and the loss with the twins and not dealing with the loss of my single baby last December. Not dealing with the loss or grieving was probably the worst thing I could have done. Point being, her emotions were just like mine; crying, then being okay, then crying again, then being okay again. Everyday single day I talked to her she cried and cried and cried. She was tore up, understandably. I’ve been praying everyday for her and reminding her that it will pass, but a day won’t go by that you will not think of that baby and the life that baby could have had.
It just puts things in perspective for me. Even though I’ve lost 3 babies, I have a healthy baby on earth that I wouldn’t replace for the world, and I’m carrying another healthy baby. I have so much to be thankful for. But, I still think of how different my life would be with my other babies. I’m not sure that will ever go away.
On a happier note, Scott and I are celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary this week, October 13. We had no plans the day of, but plans for the weekend. Even though we have went through some rough patches lately, there is no one else I’d rather be with.
From happy to stupid…I did something pretty stupid this week at CrossFit. I hurt myself like an idiot. Obviously, not intentionally, but I’m just an idiot. There is no other way to to put it. I’ll explain later…see Thursday, October 13…
Monday October 10
MetCon – B.O.T.T.O.M of the leaderboard again….136 reps
1min Box Jumps 24/20″ – did step ups instead of jumps
1min HBR – did planks instead of HBR – I just held for as long as I could and only counted as 1 rep.
1min HR Pushups – did regular pushups from the knee instead of release push ups.
Tuesday October 11
Metcon – I’ll have you know that I RX’d this bitch! Thank god for a good day in the gym! And it’s an AMRAP which are my fav these days, but let’s be honest, 20 minutes is a little excessive. My score was 5+15.
10 – Bent Over Rows
10 – Hang SQUAT Cleans
10 – Push Press
THURSDAY OCTOBER 13…..
20rep Back Squat Max
Find a max weight in which you can do 20 back squats without putting the bar down
*This will probably be around 60% of you 1rm
1 X 1
…so, my first thought when seeing this workout….who in the fuck needs to establish a 20 rep max? No one, but whatever, I’ll do it. As I have stated before, my lower back has been killing me lately and this is one movement that my weight has drastically decreased on. I warmed up and I felt good. When I got to my 60%, which is 125#, it felt okay, so I just decided to go for it. At 5 reps it was tough, at 10 reps, I started screaming obscenities, and from there, I have no idea how I managed to push through the last 10 reps. I felt like I had just run a mile. I was breathing heavy and pouring sweat. I thought to myself, my back does hurt a little. So, I stretched it out and rolled out with a foam roller. It was nothing major, just a little achy. After sitting at work for an hour and then trying to get back up, I was in tears. I pretty much could not put any weight on my right side. I had aggravated my sciatic nerve and it was absolutely terrible. I could not lift my foot up to step, I had to shuffle around to get anywhere. Bending over was miserable, sitting on the toilet was miserable, sitting at my desk was miserable, standing was miserable. I was miserable doing anything. I was so incredibly mad at myself. The pain eventually got to a point that it was shooting down my leg. The drive home was almost split up into 2 trips because I thought I was going to have to stop and stretch to get the pain to go away. All night, I rotated heat and ice and then about every 45 minutes to an hour, I would walk around and stretch it out. I was literally crawling on the floor to get from point A to point B while the dogs were trying to attack me, Raelynn was trying to mimic me, and Scott was taking videos of me. It was an interesting night.
Friday October 14
No workout for me today, but I still went to the gym. The head coach was there and I told him what was going on and I was just here to stretch out. I stretched for about 45 minutes; rolled out on a foam roller, used a softball to work out the pain, did several yoga stretches like a pigeon pose, child’s pose, forward folds. At the end of the 45 minutes, I felt a lot better. I was still in pain, but I knew the best thing for me was to move. Not workout, but, just move. I was so glad I went today to just stretch.
Praying for a less painful week next week…
–The Kentucky Momma