Exciting News!!

Well, something fairly exciting has happened….

…For the fourth time…

…I’M PREGNANT!!!

Official on May 29, 2016. Confirmed with a very positive pregnancy test.

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If you have kept up with my blog at all, I’m sure you can envision what my emotions are. Obviously happy. Obviously scared shitless. 

I was keeping track of my periods, ovulation, etc. And we were currently trying. It just happened so quick. Just like Raelynn. This pregnancy feels like Raelynn. It feels good. It doesn’t feel like a miscarriage. I so hope I’m right. It would be absolutely devastating to have another miscarriage. I really don’t know how I’ll function if it happens again. BUT…this pregnancy truly does feel different, but in a good way.

With this pregnancy, I am also on progesterone, because of my past miscarriage history. The progesterone is a vaginal insert that I use each night right before I go to bed. I, personally, cannot even feel it. It’s quite small. The scientific reason for progesterone is that it is a hormone that is naturally released in your body during pregnancy to help the implantation of the egg and for maintaining pregnancy in the 1st trimester. I am fairly certain that I’ve had a couple side effects from taking the progesterone. Bloating is the big one. I feel like a fucking whale. With the other three pregnancies, my first pregnancy symptom was fatigue. It’s extremely increased now. Like falling asleep before Raelynn even goes to sleep. My boobs ache. Oh, and the best one, “could cause mental issues/mood swings/depression.” Fucking Cool, Bro.. Because I’m not already fucked up enough in the head, let’s add a little more…

Enough bitching. If it will allow me to have a happy, healthy baby, then I would take it a million times over. 

The perfect statement to describe this pregnancy is that I am very hopeful, but I’m unfortunately expecting the worst. To date, I’ve had more unsuccessful pregnancies than successful pregnancies, so, yea, I’m a bit cautious to get overly joyed. 

This post will not post on the actual day that I wrote it. I will, hopefully, **fingers crossed** be close to my second trimester by the time you are reading this. Today is June 6, 2016 and I’m currently 5 weeks, 3 days pregnant. Baby’s ETA is February 3, 2017. At this point in my last pregnancy, I had already lost the baby. I know it’s still super early, and I know I keep saying it, but this one just feels GOOD. 

At  5 weeks and 3 days pregnant, there are a handful of people that know. My husband, Scott, of course. I gave him the pregnancy test when he got home from the lake memorial weekend and he gave me a high five. Seems reasonable, I am going to potentially give you another child and in return, I get a high five. Whatevssss…. Anyways, my friend Krista was the first to know. She is the one in the military. I FaceTimed her basically while I was still peeing on the stick. She cried. I didn’t. That was different. My friend Sabrina knows. My therapist knows, and two of my CrossFit coaches know. So a handful, plus one. Fairly certain my friend Tiffani know. She’s kinda sneaky like that 🙂 We were recently at a wedding and she asked me if I wanted a beer and I quickly replied that I was driving and I had Raelynn, which was 100% the truth, and she just got a huge smile on her face and walked away. She knows. I ain’t stoopid.

Given that this pregnancy is successful, I really want to try and reflect weekly. Mainly because I wish I had with Raelynn, but also for CrossFit purposes. I fully intend on continuing CrossFit for as long as my body will allow. I feel like CrossFit during my pregnancy is going to be essential in keeping me sane and helping me feel better about myself and my changing body. I have already found myself searching for countless hours on when you should start modifying certain movements and what is the proper modification. The consensus seems to be, listen to your body. So far, so good for me. 

I will actually be able to go into the doctor at 8 weeks, June 28th, for an ultrasound. This is very nice because it’s honestly not that far away and then we will know if we have a viable baby or not. 

We are both really busy at home and work so it keeps us preoccupied. Fortunately, and unfortunately, the days fly by. We try to soak up every second we can get with Raelynn. She is just at such a fun age. But the same time, we are counting the days to be able to see if we are going to be parents again. 

I am going to keep up with this as much as I can. I know it will be beneficial for me, and maybe someone else reading. Even though you won’t see this for another 8 more weeks, pray for me…

Until next time.

 

–The Kentucky Momma

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Our Last and Final Breastfeeding Milestone

Friday, November 6th, Raelynn had her last bag of breastmilk. It was a happy and sad day all in one. At this point, I know both my husband and I were tired of dealing with thawing out a bag of breastmilk, mixing it with whole milk, and sending it to daycare. Now we just send a half gallon of whole milk every week and it’s much better and easier and just less to deal with in general.

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Of course, I had to take a picture with our last bag of milk 🙂 It turned out cuter than I expected!

While I don’t feel like a “pro” at pumping, I think I probably have some useful advice to offer or things I would have done differently, especially towards the end. I feel like I must disclose that everyone “pumps” differently. Everyone will develop their own schedules and fall into their own routine that works for you and your family. I felt like I was constantly searching the internet for mom’s schedules and how mom’s made pumping easier because pumping really fucking sucks. So, while this may not help everyone, maybe it will help just one person. And for that, I will feel useful 🙂

  • In order to keep up with the needs of your baby, you have to pump every 3 hours. Some moms even have to pump every 2 hours to produce more. I know if I ever had a dip in supply, I would add in an extra pump until my supply came back up. Breastfeeding/pumping is a supply and demand relationship. You must pump or breastfeed to tell your body to continue producing milk.
    • As far as a schedule goes, I think that solely depends on you and your work schedule. There is not a schedule that works for everyone. After going back to work, it takes a couple of weeks to get back in the swing of things. As long as you are being mindful of pumping every 3 hours, you should be okay.
  • PUMP AND DRIVE! I cannot stress this enough especially if you have a long commute to work or if you have things to do on the weekend. PUMP AND DRIVE!! It will save you so much time. This is somewhat controversial because some women do not feel this is safe. I never felt that I was harming myself or other drivers out there. It’s a little awkward at first, but you will get used it to and then you will question yourself as to why you didn’t do this from the start.
    • I had a 45 minute commute to work. I would drop Raelynn off at daycare, pull off to the back of the parking lot, put on my hands free bra, hook up my pump, start the pump before I actually took off, drive to work, then when I got to work, I would unhook and store my milk.
      • Things you need in order to do this: hands free bra, car adapter for your pump (Medela makes them), a nursing cover if you want one (my windows were like limo tint so I never used one), the Medela cooler and ice pack that I could store in my backpack pump, cleaning wipes so you can clean your pump parts quickly.
      • IT’S TOTALLY DOABLE AND TOTALLY WORTH IT.
  • When I started freezing milk, I feel like my logic behind it was good. I started freezing in 3 ounce increments because that’s what she was eating at the time. When she went up to 4 ounces, I increased how much I was freezing to 4 ounces. She only ever took 5 ounces, so toward the end all of my bags were 5 ounces.
    • When she was just getting breastmilk, I would add fresh and frozen. For example, if she was getting 4 ounces bottles, but I was still on the 3 ounce bags, I would add one ounce of fresh milk from the day before.
    • This became tricky when I was trying to portion out whole milk. I very, very slowly introduced whole milk. I did 1 ounce in her bottles for like 2 weeks, then 2 ounces in her bottles, etc…. Towards the end, all I had was 5 ounce bags so it didn’t always measure out correctly. Point being, I wish I would have frozen in all different increments towards the end, if not throughout. I wish I would have froze more 2 and 3 ounce bags because it would have been easier.
      • Something important to remember: from the moment you pull the frozen bag of milk out of the freezer, you are supposed to use it within 24 hours. Sometimes I went over that threshold and Raelynn was fine. But I always tried to be mindful of that.
  • Cleaning pump parts….this is also a touchy subject and totally up to you and how you want to handle it. But here are some options and hopefully helpful information:
    • Breast Milk stays good at room temperature for up to 8 hours. This is good to know in case you are in a bind and can’t wash your part rights away. The world is not going to end and you’re not going to spoil your next batch of milk you pump if you don’t wash your pump parts right away. I’m not saying DON’T wash them every time, I’m just saying shit happens and it’s okay.
    • I am a firm believer in saving time and cutting corners. When I pump and drove, I strictly used the Medela wipes to clean the parts. 3 hours later when I pumped at work, I would go to the bathroom afterwards and rinse out with hot water. When I got home for the night is when I would soak them in warm soapy water and clean thoroughly. Some people feel like they need warm, soapy water every time. Great, if you want to do that. I sure as fuck didn’t want to. I had better shit to do.
    • An alternative, you can store your pump parts in the fridge in a gallon size ziplock bag or by putting them in tupperware. The reasoning: if there is any milk leftover on your parts, the fridge will help keep the milk good. I know several people that swear by this.
    • Sterilizing….sorry, but my take, fuck it. Some people sterilize their pump parts after every pump, once a day, once a week. Me, once a year, when i packed the shit up and I was done with it.  Just solely my opinion.
  • Do invest in a set or two of extra tubing. No matter how careful I was, I would always get milk in the tubing, somehow and I could not get it out. I did try to sterilize it and clean it but then there was condensation buildup and it turned into a moldy mess. Just buy the extra damn tubing and save your time.
  • Also, buy extra membranes. Super cheap pretty much everywhere. They need to be replaced every so often to help suction. I think I replaced mine a total of about 2 times.

That’s it. That’s everything.

–The Kentucky Momma

Parenting Manual

The weather in Louisville these past couple of nights has been really amazing. We’ve been able to have the windows open at night and everything. I love being able to have the windows open because it’s just so nice to let in some fresh air. I know that sounds so cliche, but sometimes it’s the little things. We still currently live in the cul de sac so our street tends to be pretty busy with kids. We normally overhear kids playing games or dogs barking, but last night I overheard something that made me feel all kinds of emotions.

Across the street from us there is an overall “unruly household”. We have lived in our house for almost 8 years and the same people have always occupied the house. We don’t really talk to them except in passing. From what we have gathered, the dad works away from home as he is rarely ever home, we do know the mom works at UPS and holds an office job, they have 3 kids, a girl in high school, a boy in middle school, and a boy in elementary school, they have two house dogs, and I’m pretty sure several hunting dogs they keep in their backyard. How in the world they even manage in that tiny house is beyond me. They normally air out their “dirty laundry” aka shit no one should hear, on a pretty regular basis. Like, I don’t even have to eavesdrop, especially on nights like last night when Raelynn was already in bed, Scott wasn’t home, my dogs were asleep and I was watching a show on TV with the windows open.

The mom and the daughter proceeded to get into a heated argument which I have no idea what the content of the argument was about. The daughter said, “I just won’t fucking come home from school tomorrow then.” The mom said, “Well, that’s just fine with me, less I have to worry about. But when you do come home, you’re grounded so don’t even think about going…..(didn’t hear where her mom was forbidding her to go)…., because you are grounded and I mean it.” I’m fairly certain all of this took place in the house because I heard the daughter walk out the door, slam the door, and proceed to say, “GOD, I HATE HER.” My heart dropped. I don’t even know these people and I was so sad and mad and I had come to a realization. I used to be that ungrateful little girl.

I’m pretty sure the daughter is a freshman in highschool and she is going through her rebellious stage. Scott and I see her smoking cigarettes on the side of house or walking a lap around the neighborhood to get in a couple of draws. I’ve saw her at a liquor store with someone older that was getting her alcohol. I’m certain she didn’t see me. But when she said she hated her mom, it just stung me.

I used to be the girl that smoked outside of my bedroom window at night or walk around the neighborhood just to get a puff or two of that cigarette. I used to be the girl that stole alcohol from wherever I could just to get drunk on the weekends. When I was a freshman in high school, there wasn’t a day that went by that I wasn’t trying to figure out how to get a joint. I didn’t do shit at school. I was too interested in hanging out with friends and boys. I don’t even know how I had time to hang out with anyone or do anything my freshman year in highschool because I stayed grounded that whole year it felt like. But not for any of the above. For not cleaning my room, or not putting my clothes away. My mom was pretty naive when it came to what I did on the weekends. Or if she thought I was doing something inappropriate, I could pretty much make up a huge story and she would believe it. She knows now about everything because I’ve told her. I’ve asked her before why she believed my very unbelievable stories and she said just she just did.

I think when the girl said she hated her mom, I imagined Raelynn saying she hated me one day. I imagined if Raelynn did ANY of the stuff I did whenever she is that age. What am I going to do if Raelynn is this rebellious little girl one day? What am I going to do if she tells me she hates me one day?

No one told me being a parent was going to involve all of these questions!!!!!!!!!! Why is there not a manual on this?! Someone could make millions on this shit. I think everyone hopes they will never need a manual on how to parent on these issues, but in today’s world, I think it’s almost inevitable. I think I was raised really well and I still did some pretty stupid shit. I put myself in some really bad situations. How do you stop your kid from doing this without them hating you?

I want my little girl to love me always and I want her to look back and be happy with her life and the way she was raised. I want her to have good morals and values. I want her to make the right decisions for her life and I want her to excel. I want her to know she can be whatever she wants….within reason.

I do want to be her friend, but first and foremost, I am her mom. Being a mom comes before being her friend.

Now, I’m going to go start working on that parenting manual that doesn’t exist…

–The Kentucky Momma

Parenting Advice

Since I’m the mother of one 14 month old, I feel as though I am qualified to give out unsolicited parenting advice: DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT!

Well…within reason…

I think everyone has been subjected at some point and time over the course of their parenting journey on a short “how to be a parent” lesson or “how to accomplish a task that involves a child” when you never asked for advice in the first place. Unsolicited advice or remarks are, unfortunately, a part of life. No one knows how to keep their opinion or thoughts to themselves. It’s just actual word vomit. I don’t care if you have 0 children or 20 children, I don’t want your input unless I ask for it. It’s probably one of my top 3 pet peeves on this Earth. I try very hard to be mindful of comparing or giving out advice when it’s not asked for. I don’t want your advice, therefore, I assume you don’t want mine, unless you specifically ask for it.

I am a FIRM, so very FIRM believer in parenting the way you feel is right for you and your family. Period. What works for you and your family IS the right way to parent and don’t ever let anyone tell you different. What works for you and your family is the RIGHT way to parent, but DO NOT try and say your way of parenting is the holy grail of parenting because then you are just dumb. There are so many different parenting scenarios and situations and you will have to adapt and do what’s best for you and your family. AND THAT’S OKAY. From one person and baby and family to the next, there are so many different aspects of life that make them parent the way they do. AND THAT’S OKAY. You adapt and move on with life.

I just saw a Facebook post that pretty much drove me to write this piece. Here is the Facebook post with pictures:

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These few pictures describe SO many different aspects of parenting and they are all RIGHT. I don’t know any of the women in these pictures, but I am sure they have adapted to their personal situations, they all have healthy, thriving babies, and they are raising their babies to the best of their abilities. And that’s all that matters.

I like to give examples because I think it makes me believable 🙂

There are three of my friends, four including myself, that all had babies in a five month window: Luke 15 months, Raelynn 14 months, Grayson 13 months, and Preslie 10 months. I have been close with the mothers and the fathers of these babies for a very long time. For the most part we all grew up together, were involved in the same things, hung out together, etc. Every single one of these babies are parented differently. AND THAT’S OKAY! Some breastfeed, some formula feed, some do CIO, and some can’t do CIO, some cosleep, some have their babies in the crib, all of our birth stories are different, all of our maternity leaves were different, and all four of us have healthy, thriving, happy babies.

AND THAT’S OKAY.

**drops mic, steps off stage**

–The Kentucky Momma

An Open Ended Piece on what I Believe In

This post may offend some…so if you do not open mind to religion, I suggest you stop reading now. I am not posting this to judge what you believe. I am posting this to tell you what I believe. If you disagree with that, I think that’s okay. People are allowed to have different beliefs and as long as you back up what you believe in, then I think you are doing the right thing for YOU. And that’s all that really matters.

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I’m 27 years old and I’ve actually attended a church sermon on a Sunday morning, probably less than 10 times. I’m not ashamed of that by any means. I just wasn’t brought up that way. And I think that’s okay. I still believe in God and I still believe I’m going to heaven.

The times I did actually attend church, I was with my stepmom. She told me I needed to get baptized in order to go to Heaven. She told me I was going to go to Hell if I didn’t. I was probably around 6 or 7 years old when she brainwashed me with this. I say brainwashed because I don’t think that’s true. I think if you do right by God, He will make sure you go to Heaven. I don’t think being baptized means you are safe. What if you are baptized and you commit unthinkable crimes? Crimes so awful that you are put on death row for the rest of your life. Does that still make you in the “safe-zone” for going to Heaven? I would like to think, no. I could very well be wrong, though.

I’ve also never, ever been a praying woman. Until recently. I remember occasionally saying the bedtime prayer, “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, if I shall die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. Amen.” I still to this day pray this before going to sleep. Not every night, maybe not even every week, but I do pray it. But, actually praying is different. Asking Him to guide you, is different. Asking for signs is different.

I never really, actually talked to God or prayed until I had my miscarriage. I kept asking God over and over why he took my twins? How could drug addicts and alcoholics and people who didn’t take care of their babies have a perfectly normal and healthy pregnancy and a perfectly normal and healthy baby? I didn’t understand. I was plain losing faith. Faith that never really existed to begin with.

I remember the exact moment I asked Him for a sign. We were at a Sunday Mass on Dec 22, 2013. We were at Mass because my new nephew, Hank, was getting baptized. He was 2 months old. And it was 2 months ago that I had lost the twins. I was feeling exceptionally vulnerable. I can’t explain it, but from the moment I walked into the church, I was literally fighting back tears. All I could think about was the twins. When the sermon finally started after all the baptism activities, I swear the Pastor was speaking directly to me. His sermon was about God giving you signs. You asking God for signs and him delivering the message back to you. Every word, every sentence just stuck with me. It was probably the first time I actually listened to an entire sermon. The whole time, I was fighting back tears. So, I finally prayed while we were there and spoke to God and asked for a sign. I needed a sign that I was going to be okay. I needed a sign that I was going to feel better. I needed a sign that my life would go on without my twins. I needed answers and a lot of them. I just talked to Him. All of this was in my head, but I know He heard me.

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Whenever I walked out of church, I had a very unrealistic expectation of white doves flying around or butterflies fluttering around me. At that time, to me, that would have be validation that He heard me. I was so discouraged when I didn’t receive the sign I was looking for.

A short 4 days later, the day after Christmas, I took a pregnancy test, and I found out I was pregnant with Raelynn. I knew everything was going to be okay. To me, that was a sign that everything was going to be okay. It wasn’t the white doves or butterflies I had hoped for; no, this was much more powerful than that. A simple sign that I was carrying another baby was enough for me. I think it’s all about how you interpret things. To some, this may have not been a sign at all, and that’s okay. You don’t have to think that or believe that. But I do, and to me, that’s all the matters.

February was our first ultrasound with Raelynn. All we cared about was a healthy baby. In the ultrasound room we found out there was a viable baby in there and for the first time in a long time, we were so happy. When we went to the exam room for the doctor to come in she immediately told us that we needed to go see another doctor because her ultrasound was showing markers of downs syndrome. Instantly, our happiness was gone.

When we got home that night, I told Scott we needed to pray every night for a healthy baby. And we did just that. We prayed every single night. And 9 months later we got a perfectly healthy little girl.

Now, we are still waiting on her blood work to come back to hopefully tell us that she is just anemic due to an iron deficiency and that she does not have a blood disorder. I have prayed several times that she doesn’t have this. I just want her to have a happy, normal life. I really do. I don’t want anything to hold her back.

When we were a the doctor on Monday to get her blood drawn, I started walking the halls with her because it was taking forever and she was getting antsy. So, I started praying aloud with her in my arms. I prayed that she didn’t have the blood disorder and I prayed the iron supplements were working and I prayed that everything was going to be okay. I ended my prayer with “Amen” and I will be damned if she didn’t say “Amen” after me. I was shocked. I hugged her tight and I said, “That’s right Rae, we say Amen.” And she said Amen again.

Yesterday, I got an amazing text message from my daughter’s daycare. The ladies name is Retha and she is a very religious person that is a firm church-goer. She said, “I have the kids say their prayers before breakfast and lunch. This morning I said let’s pray and Raelynn out her hands together and when I finished praying Raelynn said Amen! It was so sweet.” Talk about making my heart melt. My eyes welled up with tears of happiness.

Throughout all of my job drama and house drama, I constantly and continually just asked Him for guidance. I knew He wouldn’t put me in the wrong situation. I knew I/we would end up where I/we needed to be.

I’ve had an exceptionally rough two weeks. Between dealing with Raelynn and constantly worrying, doing some side work for extra money and being away from home for 12-16 hours a day, pure exhaustion, it was just all mounting. I’ve been so overwhelmed and anxious lately. I needed some guidance. I reached out to a former co-worker who I’ve kept in contact with over the years. Her husband is a Pastor and they are firm followers of God and the church and the bible. I told her I needed to hear something positive. She said, “Sweetie, I have learned that if I trust in the Lord, He will never let me go through something he doesn’t think I can handle. I may not believe in myself but the Lord believes in me. Sometimes I just have to give the problem to Him because I can’t handle it. I just say Lord you know what’s right in this situation and I trust you to work it out for my good. And you know…it does work in my favor. I may not like the test he’s letting me go through, but I definitely learn from it and grow stronger from the experience. I may not get to talk to you or see you like I would like, but I love you like you were my own. And the Lord loves you too. Phillipians 4:13. Write it on your bathroom mirror. Post it in your car. Again I love you. I’m always here.” Tears, the entire time. She just always knows exactly what to say. I didn’t even tell her what was going on, I just told her I needed guidance and she said all of this.

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There’s not really a point to all of this. Throughout all of this, I’ve just learned that God really is watching out for me. He puts people and situations in my life that I may not understand at the time why He is doing this, but it will all eventually make sense.

I still do not plan on attending church. I think if I keep talking to God the way I have been, He will take care of me. I may reconsider if Raelynn or a future child wants to attend church. I will never deny them of that experience. I want my kids to form their own opinion in what they believe in. If it doesn’t agree with mine, then so be it. They don’t have to agree with me. I want my kids to think for themselves and not be influenced by others. I want my kids to be their own individuals and be leaders in their generation.

–The Kentucky Momma

Life is about change…

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Today is the last day at my current job. I have so many mixed feelings about it; both good and bad.

This job made me feel like I was useful again. it made me feel like more than a milk machine to my little girl. It made me feel like a person again…eventually…

With all that, I also experienced great anxiety and depression from starting a job again.

I started this job because my business was coming to an end. I no longer had the desire to put in the necessary time and effort into the business. I was drained from having a colicky baby. The business just wasn’t working. I didn’t come to terms with this until about a month ago in my therapy session, but looking back, I can now say this with confidence and I’m okay with that.

I told myself that if I was going to get a job, I was going to do it the right way and get a good, full time, permanent job. I reached out to a job recruiter and asked for assistance. They presented me with the opportunity for my current position and I was immediately turned off by it because it was temporary. I still agreed to go on the interview, but I went into it just knowing that I wasn’t going to take it. During the interview process I realized the opportunity was actually something I would be interested in, even though it was temporary. I ended up accepting the position. At this time, Raelynn was 4 months old.

My first day of work was also he first day of daycare. My husband and I dropped her off and there was not a tear to be cried. Since she has colic for the first 4 months, it was somewhat of a relief to get away and be a productive citizen of society.

As time went on at work, my responsibilities increased and so did my depression and anxiety. When Raelynn was 4 months old until she was 6 months old, I had hit an all time low. I didn’t want to be a stay at home mom, but I didn’t want to be at work. I needed a break from my daughter, but I didn’t want her to be at daycare. I didn’t want to pump while I was at work. I wanted to be the one feeding her from my breast, not from a bottle. We had issues that continued to mount at daycare. I would spend at least one entire day a week crying at my desk, accomplishing nothing.

I had to do something. I was not okay with the idea of taking any type of medication. I just never wanted a medication to be my crutch when I was having a nervous/anxious breakdown.

I started therapy and CrossFit. They have both been ESSENTIAL and extremely effective in helping me get stronger mentally. I started both of these simultaneously when Raelynn was 6 months old. I have only went up from there. About that time, I also started taking more pride in the work I did and I….gasp….started to enjoy it. It was eventually presented to me that my time here may not end. And I was surprisingly okay with that.

Until, it did come to an end. Today is the day. I was given ample time to find another job, but, unfortunately, my field is competitive and I am having a hard time securing a position against people that have 15 years experience.

Overall, I would say my experience here has been a positive one. It made me realize that I do want a full time job instead of the business, it made me realize that Raelynn is okay when she is not in my care, it made me realize that the world will continue revolving and there is nothing you can do about it.

I think, overall, I’m more upset right now at the fact that I do not have another position lined up. The uncertainty of my future is hanging in the hopes that one of my interviews will pan out. It’s scary. Very scary. It makes me feel like I have lost control of everything, my life, my family’s well being.

I am hoping the company I had my third interview with last week will call me next week and tell me how wonderful it would be if I became a part of their team. Other than that, I had a phone interview yesterday, and I have two face to face interviews scheduled next week.

2015 has sure been one hell of a ride.

Continue to pray for me y’all. Hopefully I have a positive update next week.

–The Kentucky Momma

I am THAT Googling Mother…

I am that mother that googles. WHY? WHY do I do this to myself? I’ll never understand because I know what the outcome is. Basically my child is going to die according to google. Every. Single. Time. UGHHH, I hate it!

So, why did I google?

Because my daughter inhaled some bath water last night while playing with a cup. She tipped it right up to her mouth and probably sucked in about a teaspoon, if that. She immediately start coughing, nothing came back up, and she was fine within a matter of realistically about 10 seconds.

Immediately my mind went to secondary drowning. Essentially, secondary drowning is where water gets in the lungs and causes a reaction that is similar to drowning, but it happens over a course of a couple hours or a couple of days.

After her incident, she immediately wanted to get out of the bath because she was shaken up a little. But, she was fine otherwise. And I just couldn’t even stop thinking about secondary drowning. What if I put her to bed and she doesn’t wake up? What if she wakes up in the middle of the night coughing? Does that mean I need to take her to the ER?

I told my husband what I was thinking and he made fun of me. And, honestly, I can totally understand why he made fun of me. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I have been swimming at my grandparents and inhaled copious amounts of water and been perfectly fine. I’m pretty sure the majority of us have all been in the situation at one time or another and never thought twice about it. We probably didn’t even get out of the pool to recover. Just coughed it up, gather ourselves, and continued playing.

So, WHY, do I have to be so worried? Even typing it out, I know how ridiculous it sounds. She inhaled next to nothing and if anything, it just stunned her.

I am going to be THAT mother for the rest of her life and my life. Even when she is grown, I know I will be like this.

The outcome: I think it’s safe to assume she’s fine. She didn’t wake up at all last night and she woke up as normal this morning and was acting perfectly fine.

I am just THAT mother.

God help her and my future children.

–The Kentucky Momma

Happy Saturday!

Happy Saturday y’all!! Today is one of the best days of the whole week because I get to spend all day with my baby girl. Sunday is my second favorite day of the week, but I always hesitate to actually “like” a Sunday because it’s one day closer to Monday. I digress..

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So, I kinda wanted to give a short update from my last blog listed here… Click Here

I am in fact still job hunting. It has been a very stressful and time consuming process, especially knowing that my end date of July 31st at my current job is quickly approaching. I’ve come to the realization that I’m more than likely going to be jobless for a couple of weeks before I actually get a job. Job offers are so formal and extremely lengthy these days. I actually had a phone interview on July 16th and it went well. They seemed to like me and I liked the company and what they had to offer me. I was then scheduled to go in for a face to face on July 22nd. It went better than I could have ever imagined. I liked the company even more and I also liked the position even more. I really hate getting my hopes up like this, but I just left feeling really good. I’ve been on so many interviews and felt good leaving them, only to be dismissed. I was told after leaving the interview that if they decided to proceed with me, I would have to talk to the controller of the company whom is located in France. That very night I got an email saying they did want to move forward with me and I should expect an email from the controller to set up a phone interview. The controller contacted me Friday July 24th and I now have a phone interview with her at 8:00 a.m. on Monday. From here, I understand if they still want to move forward with me, the next step is going to be the job offer, then getting all of the necessary background checks, drugs tests, formalities out of the way, and if all that clears, then I will be given a start date. This is the most promising lead I have on a job so fingers crossed this pans out for me. Unfortunately things happen and I’m not counting on this job or getting my hopes up about this job.

So, in the meantime I am still continuing the job hunt. I am working with 5 different staffing agencies as well as looking on my own. Staffing agencies are definitely becoming an overwhelming hurdle for me. A lot of employers are now using staffing agencies as opposed to seeking out potential employees on their own because they essentially pay the staffing agencies to find the right fit for the job and company, do all of the background checks, drug testing, etc. for them. I, personally, do NOT enjoy going through staffing agencies because you have to stay in constant contact with them or else you will fall to the bottom of their list and potentially be passed up for a good job. It’s literally a job in itself to keep up with all of the staffing agencies. But, it’s essentially a necessary evil since so many employers are going this route.

Anyways, point being, y’all pray for me on Monday that all goes well and it will be just one more step in the right direction.

We are still house hunting, but recently we came to the realization that we have already found our house. It was the house referenced in the post above. I just had to get over myself and realize that house really is perfect for us. Of course, there is always something stopping us from getting it…..see above rant on my job situation….It’s also causing us not being able to put an offer in on this house. I have to be hired and employed permanently for 30 days and be able to provide proof of employment before we can put an offer in on the house. Fucking go figure. I swear it’s always something. So now I’m scared to death this house is going to get away from us because of me and my job situation. Just one more hurdle.

Our house is still on the market, but it’s finally drawing some attention from potential buyers. We’ve had two open houses and a total of about 5 people came. This past Thursday and Friday we actually had two scheduled viewings of the house. Everyone has provided pretty positive feedback about the house so that’s always a plus. I’m obviously in no hurry to get it sold because that means we would have to move in with my inlaws until we are able to put an offer in on a house. Just for the record, my inlaws are wonderful and they have the perfect space for us to move in, it’s just kinda one of those things that you don’t really want to do, you know?

One very, very positive thing is Raelynn’s new daycare. O-M-G. I LOVE HER. She is now in an in home daycare and I wish i would have done this from the very beginning. She freaking takes a damn 3 hour nap. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. My mind is blown. We can see such a difference in her at night now. She still definitely wants to go to bed at 7:00 p.m., but she is much more pleasant to be around. She is much happier at night now. I just love the laid back feel and homey feel of the new daycare. It’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

My life isn’t coming to an end. HAHA. (again, referencing the older blog post listed above). I am just going through so many changes that I never expected to be going through. I am not afraid to say this, but I was never a praying woman until I had my miscarriage. Now, I pray all the time for very simple thing to very complex things. He hears me, and I know it. He gives me signs all the time that he does. I just have to take each day in stride and know that it will all work out in the end.

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I swear, Raelynn knows when I am done with my blogging on Saturday mornings because she is now babbling in her crib for me to come get her! HAHA

Have a good weekend y’all!

–The Kentucky Momma

Sick Baby

I’ve been feeling a little selfish lately and only writing about myself. I do in fact have a sick baby girl. Here is a picture of her snuggled up with daddy.

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She has had her first and second ear infection within a 3 week span. I am assuming since she is in daycare it’s gets passed around like crazy there. They first prescribed her amoxicillin which I’ve heard is basically prescribed for everything under the sun. My pediatrician failed to tell me that it has the potential to upset their stomach. Of course, i gave it to her without food one night and she literally screamed from 4:30pm – 11:30pm and there wasn’t anything i could do to help soothe her. It was pretty much a flashback of her colic days. Probably a little extreme, but it made me rethink having another child anytime soon because I’m not sure I want to deal with that again. We bounced and rocked and swung and repeated all of that about a hundred times. Finally I broke out my moby wrap and put her in there which only worked for about 30 minutes. Finally around 10:30p.m. i decided it was time to put her in the car. It never worked before, so I wasn’t sure why it was going to work now, but i was out of options. Of course, it didn’t work. So when I got back home with her around 11:00p.m., I just had to put her in the crib and let her cry it out. I am not a fan at all of crying it out. I hate it actually. It just breaks my heart into tiny pieces. BUT I was exhausted, she was exhausted, and my husband has not patience when it comes to these things, so this was my last resort. It only took about 10 minutes and she was out. I called the pediatrician the next day and they told me to give her yogurt and gas drops with the medicine. I did that every time afterwards and she was perfectly fine. After that night, she was find for about 2 weeks and then she got sick again. Same thing. She started running a fever, the fever never went down, so the next day, we took her to the doctor. Ear infection again. This time, they prescribed her different medicine and I actually do not know the name of it. But I only have to give it to her once a day for 10 days, which is nice. I still make sure I feed her before I give her the medicine and I give her gas drops.

On top of all of this, I’m unsure if she is teething or not. She is 10 1/2 months old and doesn’t have any teeth yet. Obviously, I can read about all the symptoms in the world about teething and it’s lead me to believe she’s been teething since she was about 3 months old. She chews on everything and her gums have been white for a couple of months. I did not get teeth until after I was a year old and I’ve heard that could be hereditary. Regardless, the past two nights, she will not go to sleep on her own. I’m sure it’s a combination of her being sick and possibly teething and allergies. Oh my goodness, her poor allergies are awful. The first night it took us about 2 1/2 hours to successfully get her down. Last night it took about 1 hour to successfully get her down. I should be thankful that she is still sleeping through the night, but i tell ya, whenever you fall into a routine, you get spoiled and expect the same thing to happen ever night. Isn’t that awful?

The doctor told me it takes about 3 days for the antibiotic to get in her system and today is day 3, so hopefully we start to see signs of improvement. Fingers crossed!

–The Kentucky Momma

How do you know when the time is right?

Again….I find myself lacking writing in my blog. I think everyday that I need to, but I just never get around to it.

Update from my last blog:

  1. I was “officially” told my last day would be July 31st, 2015.
  2. We are still house hunting
  3. Our house is officially on the market
  4. Raelynn is changing day cares
  5. My life is coming to an end..

…Not really, but sometimes I feel like my life is so chaotic and I bring it on myself.

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First bullet point, I was told officially through a text message when my last day would be. Cool. I am scared to death that I’m going to be jobless. The way interviews go these days, it’s like a 4 month long process. I actually went on an interview that was really good. I really liked the people and the company, but the money just wasn’t right. It really got me down. The people i interviewed with even told me I was their top candidate. The CEO only gave them approval for a certain amount and of course he was on vacation. They are going to reevaluate whenever he comes back on 7/13, but they are pursuing another candidate.

Second bullet point, we are having no luck house hunting. We found one that we really liked, but the neighborhood is holding me back. I’m looking to upgrade in all shapes and forms when it comes to buying a new house. I want a slightly bigger house, i want a much bigger yard, and I want to live in a better neighborhood. We don’t necessarily live in bad neighborhood now, there are just certain neighbors i don’t care to be around anymore. We have been to this particular house twice now and our realtor keeps asking me what is holding me back. I told her i couldn’t put my finger on it, but something was telling me no. She asked what my gut said, and i very instinctively said no. She said, there’s your answer then. Maybe I’m making excuses, but there is just something about that house that is telling me, no.

Third bullet point, yes, we still put our house on the market even considering all of the above. Our contingency plan is if we sell our house quicker than we find one, we will move in with my in laws. While the situation is not ideal, it is the best plan. We’ve only had one person come look at our house so far, but that’s okay. because i’m honestly in no hurry to get rid of it unless we find a house that I just feel like I can’t live without.

Fourth bullet point, Raelynn is in fact changing daycare’s. She is going to be in an in home daycare where the rules are a little more lax. At her current daycare, she can’t sleep with a blanket, she can’t eat finger foods, they will not put lotion on her without a doctors note, they will not feed her what i want unless they have a doctors note. It was just becoming a little too much for me. So, we made the decision to switch. We’ve met with the person that’s going to be taking care of her, and we are more than happy I think it will be a positive change for all parties involved.

Fifth bullet point, while my life is not actually coming to an end, I feel like it is sometimes. Like, how do you know when is the right time to sell your house? How do you know when is the right time to buy a house? Am I making the right decision to switch Raelynn’s daycare? What if I am jobless? Then we really might be homeless. There are just so many unanswered questions. Some days all of my decisions feel right, some days some of my decisions feel right, and most days all of my decisions feel wrong.

If you have followed any of my other blog posts, i’m sure you could imagine how my anxiety and stress level are…Bottom line, I want to be happy what I’m doing and I want to be able to provide for my family.

–The Kentucky Momma