Week 7…or is it…Part 1

This week is the week that we’ve been waiting for.

And behold…we have a baby with a heartbeat.

The appointment overall was a little uneasy for me and I’ll explain why.

Whenever I went in on January 10th, according to my last missed period, I would have been 8 weeks. According to date of conception it was 7 weeks 4 days.

I actually felt really good about the appointment. I wasn’t nervous or anxious. I was really okay.

The ultrasound tech proceeded with an abdominal ultrasound first. She immediately made the comment that I was really early in the pregnancy. To date, I don’t think I’ve ever gotten an ultrasound before 8 weeks, so that was true. But everything did look really small. Like, really, really small. I couldn’t even make anything out on the ultrasound. I could tell there was a sac, but I couldn’t tell really tell if there was something in it. To be clear, I could see something in the sac, I just has no idea what it was. It just looked like a blob.

So, she quickly suggested that we do a transvaginal ultrasound. I was happy to oblige. At this point I started to get nervous. All the bad thoughts were popping my head. I turned to Scott and I told him I wasn’t sure how good this would end. He just reassured me that everything was going to be okay. Overall, my demeanor was still very calm. I was really surprised at how well I was maintaining my composure.

I really don’t know how else to say this, but when she was “in”..LOL…I still couldn’t see anything. Then I realized she was doing other measurements of other things. When she finally got to the sac, I could see the baby and a little flicker where the heart was. For some reason I still did not feel relieved. This didn’t look like any of my other ultrasounds at all. Then she told me how far along I was measuring…6 weeks and 4 days. I was shocked and still as I write this, I have no idea how it’s possible.

A little insight…

On my previous 4 pregnancies, I am fertile and ovulate the day after my period. So, I ovulate extremely early compared to most people. All facts considered, I was probably around 40ish weeks with my two successful pregnancies as opposed to 38 weeks because I ovulate so early. Even with the unsuccessful pregnancies, I got pregnant the day after my period.

The first day of my last period was November 15. My period lasted for about 5 days. The only possible time this baby was conceived was December 3rd. First of all, that’s not the day after my period stopped, so flag number 1. Based on the conception date, I ovulated one entire week AFTER we had sex? What type of sense does this make? I was and still am so confused.

Because I am a factual person and none of the above makes sense at all, I am convinced something is not okay. I have been correct on my dates all other times, so why would it be different this time?

Yes, I get it. Every pregnancy is different. But, it just doesn’t make sense. IT JUST DOESN’T MAKE SENSE.

Moving on…

After the ultrasound, we go and talk to the doctor. She assures me that everything is fine and my dates are just off and I have no reason to worry. We have a baby with a healthy heartbeat for 6 weeks and 4 days. Not easing my concern, I just moved on from the subject. She then told me there was something she wanted me to look at. I have a subchorionic bleed by the baby. If you look at the left ultrasound picture you will see a big black space to the right of the baby. That’s it. It’s apparently really common in the first trimester and poses no threat to myself or the baby. Basically It’s a sac of blood in your uterus. It goes away one of two ways, the body reabsorbs it, or you bleed it out. So if I were to bleed, it wouldn’t necessarily mean I’m having a miscarriage. It could be this subchorionic bleed going away. So, I’m at least glad that I know about it. She wants me to come back in in 2 weeks to see if the baby is growing appropriately and to keep an eye on the bleed. I will get another ultrasound and another doctor visit. I’m happy about this.

Now I’m in another waiting period to see if everything is okay again. I know I should be happy that we saw a baby and saw and heard the heartbeat, but my anxious self can’t get away from the fact that something is going to go wrong. I’m a worrier by nature. I just want everything to be okay. I just want a healthy baby and healthy pregnancy.

Until next week…

 

–The Kentucky Momma

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Week 6

Week 6

This week was also crazy. Never a dull moment in our lives these days. For me, it was work. I have a lot of year end work that I have to do so I had to work on New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. Also, if you remember from my last post, Scott was in Nashville for the bowl game. Before he left, he started to get a little of my sickness. Well when he came back, it was full force. Mainly due to not eating, drinking copious amounts of alcohol and then standing outside in subzero temperatures. So, we did not do anything on New Year’s Eve. Not many of our friends did anything this year. I was glad that we didn’t have to come up with a lame excuse this year to avoid parties or going out.

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It was on a Thursday…close enough…

This week was also my birthday week 🙂 I turned 30 on January 4th. I will tell you, I took this birthday in stride. I did not think I would handle this birthday very well, but I did. Overall, I do not feel 30. I may look it, but I don’t feel it at all. I don’t really know what age I feel. I’m the healthiest that I’ve ever been in my life. I’m stronger than I’ve ever been. I’m just glad that I don’t feel 30.

I think a lot of my new year’s resolutions also came from me turning 30. I don’t know why. But I just feel like I just need to do better this year. And be better this year. So, that’s what I’m going to try to do.

The day after my birthday, January 5th, I did something very cool. I met with a psychic. I know, que all the skepticism. But it was really badass. I heard about her through a friend. I had been debating on going to see her for over 6 months. I scheduled the appointment about a month ago and I only told my friend. I didn’t tell Scott because he doesn’t believe in this stuff and I didn’t want him to be a downer on my parade. You can read about my full experience in a separate blog post… I DID A THING…

Crossfit this week…

Tuesday January 2

Strength – based off of 1RM – 235#. This sucked and it was heavy.

Back Squats

7 Reps @ 65%

5 Reps @ 68%

7 Reps @ 65%

4 Reps @ 70%

7 Reps @ 65%

3 Reps @ 72%

MetCon

Partner workout FOR TIME

60 Cal Row

70 Box Jumps #24/20

80 Med Ball Situps #20/14

90 KB swings #53/35

100 Pushups

*Split up any way you want but complete all reps before moving on

Wednesday January 3

Strength – I only used 75# on this. I hurt my hand/wrist doing cleans a couple weeks ago and anytime I get in the front rack position, it’s not comfortable.

6min EMOM Clean Complex:

1 tall clean (squat)

1 hang clean (squat)

1 front squat

55-65% of max

MetCon My score was 2+20.

15min AMRAP

25 DU

20 front rack KB lunges

15 Pullups

10 Single arm KB swings (alternating)

#53/35

Thursday January 4

Strength – In the past couple of months, I have just conquered kipping HSPU. For the moment, I am okay to still do them. I have to use a band to accomplish strict pullups.

5 x 4 Strict Pullups

Alternating with

5 x 4 HSPU (or 20 second hand stand holds)

Metcon – this was a lot of suck. I didn’t finish before the timecap of 20 minutes. I had 60 reps left.

5RFT

10 Wall-less Wallballs

10 Burpees over the bar

10 Push jerks

10 Front Squats

#30/20, #135/95

Week 5

Week 5

This week was crazy. It was the dreaded Christmas week. And much more excitement. Some good and some bad…

However…

…We had the entire Christmas Eve holiday all to ourselves. Just me, Scott, Raelynn, and Briar. No where to go. Nothing to do. So what did we do, we did Christmas shit. We watched Christmas movies, we listened to Christmas music, we baked cookies, we made Christmas treats. It was amazing. You know, I talk so much about other people not willing to give up their Christmas Day or move their times to accommodate, but maybe I am the one that needs to give up the fact that we will never have Christmas Day to ourselves. This year showed me that. Even if it’s not Christmas Eve every year, if it’s at least one day near or around Christmas where my little family can do Christmas shit, I’ll be 100% happy. This year Scott and I were really big on trying to form traditions with Raelynn. I hope we can continue them.

So, on Christmas day, I was sick. And not from being pregnant. I was sinusy/snotty/congested. It was terrible. And of course, I literally cannot take anything sinus related because I’m pregnant and because I’m still breastfeeding! More so because I am still breastfeeding. Any type of sinus medication will dry up your milk supply quick! And as you already know, I’ve had a terrible time with my supply. After Christmas, it got worse. I guess it turned into a sinus infection. I just let it run its course. Towards the end of the week, I was much better.

This week I also started my progesterone. Whenever I called to make my first appointment, I asked the doctor if I needed to start taking this again since I had taken it in my last pregnancy. I remember that it made me feel like shit last time. It’s kind of weird because this time, I’m not feeling terrible at all yet. I’m not feeling any more tired than I was last week. If anything I actually feel a little better. Of course, that worries me. Why do I feel okay this time? Why am I not sick? I’ve been taking the progesterone for an entire week…and nothing. I should probably just be okay with it and take it in stride, but it’s hard not to be cautious. And how dare I even say that I am actually starting to accept the fact that I’m pregnant. It’s just such a roller coaster of emotions.

The only bad thing that happened this week was Scott was in Nashville for the Kentucky bowl game and I came home from work on Friday to a busted pipe under our porch outside. I am all about an independent woman and knowing how to do shit yourself, but I was freaking the fuck out. I pulled up with the kids in the truck and I noticed some wet spots in the driveway. I have no idea why I noticed this. Then, I got out of the truck and it literally sounded like a waterfall. I literally almost lost my shit. I could tell the direction in which it was coming from so I started looking. We have lattice that covers around our porch and I was literally ripping pieces off so I could see how bad it was. Once I got a clear view, it was a for real waterfall. I had no idea what to do. I called Scott’s dad because he lives down the road. He brought a neighbor over that was actually a plumber. The bad part is, both of them were injured so they could not crawl under the porch and fix it. The plumber had to coach me on what to do. I had to cut the pipe and cap it off. I pretty much felt like a badass after I fixed it. LOL. But I don’t ever want to deal with that again.

Crossfit for the week…

I only went once because Christmas…

Thursday December 28

Strength – I was actually excited for snatches because it’s something that I have been slowly improving on. I worked up to 95# which is a new PR for me!!!!

Snatch Complex

Snatch Pull

Snatch

1 x 1

MetCon – nothing like a good ol’ body weight exercise to make you realize how fat you are. 50% of my body weight was 90#………………………………………….yeaaa…………..this sucked. My score was 7+7

15min AMRAP

8 – Deadlifts

6 – Hang Cleans

4 – Front Squats

2 – Push Jerks

50% Bodyweight

Until next time…

 

–The Kentucky Momma

Week 4

I have decided that I’m going to take the same stance on this pregnancy as I did last pregnancy and try to keep up with weekly blogs. Now that I am pregnant again, I’m already looking back to old posts and I’m forever thankful that I posted weekly.

So, week 4. My baby is as big as something so microscopic that the naked eye can’t see it. Yet, this little microscopic shit has the ability to make me fall asleep at 8:00 p.m. every single night. So so so so so so so unbelievably, incredibly tired. Other than that, no other symptoms yet, so I’ll take it.

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I already scheduled my first appointment for January 10th. I will have an ultrasound and everything. Scott will be going with me. For this appointment, we just hope a baby is there and only one baby. Since I have been pregnant with multiples one other time, it really scares the shit out of us to think that I could be pregnant with more than one. The chances are probably slim to none that it will happen, but just the thought of it freaks us out.

We are both still trying to cope with the fact that I’m pregnant in general. It’s a lot for us to process since we were not prepared for this. Financially, it’s really stressing us out. We both keep trying to wait to stress out until we actually know there is a baby in there, but it’s hard not to think about all of the “what-if” situations.

Another big blow we took this week was we found out there would be no room at the Raelynn and Briar’s current daycare for the new baby. I told the daycare provider almost immediately and she told me there were no spots open. It sucks because then I think about the fact of having to put this baby in another daycare. Would we continue to take 3 kids to 2 different daycares? Probably not, so then would we pull Raelynn and Briar from their current daycare?? That thought makes me so sick because I love our current provider. Right now, I think Raelynn would be the only one to comprehend this. Would Raelynn be sad? I don’t know if I’m prepared to deal with that…

A whole other factor with this pregnancy, is for the time being, I am still breastfeeding. Since I have found out I’m pregnant, my supply has dipped even more. So my supply took a huge hit whenever I went to Vegas and then traveled for work. I was never really able to get it back up where it needed to be. And now, it has taken yet another hit. I’m currently making between 9-12 ounces a day. I used to make that in my first pump of the day. I still have some extra milk built up in the freezer, so I’m hoping between me pumping and what I have in the freezer, it will last me to my goal of 1 year.

Trying to stay positive for the time being…but I know these 9 months will come and go before I am even able to process it. Scott and I will try to hit it hard and figure things out after my first ultrasound.

CrossFit for the week:

For the moment, nothing has changed here either. I went about my regular movements and routine. I told my workout partner and coach, Erick. He said…”AGAIN?!” LOL

Monday December 18

Strength

Hang Clean Complex – worked up to 125#

Hang clean pull

Hang power clean

Hang squat clean

1 X 1

WOD

15 min AMRAP – score was 8+17

5 push presses

15 situps

25 air squats

#115/85

Tuesday December 19

Strength – no modifications yet for any ab movements

5 minutes

:20 superman hold

:20 hollow body hold

:20 rest

MetCon B – time10:54

50 cal row

20 thrusters

25 cal row

10 thrusters

#115/85

Wednesday December 20

Strength

Single leg KB DL/press

6×3 (each leg)

AHAGFA (as heavy as good form allows)

MetCon – This metcon was really fun. For the 12 days of Christmas, we did a push up for each day of Christmas…for the Feliz Navidad, we squatted every time they said feliz navidad or Merry Christmas. Even though it was short, my tris and my legs were dead for the next couple of days.

12 Days of Christmas – Pushups

Feliz Navidad – Squats

Thursday December 21

Strength

5 min EMOM

Front squats – used 160# which was heavy AF!

3 @ 85%

MetCon A – I actually did not end up finishing this. In the 6th round I ripped really bad on the rig doing T2B. Stupid.

8RFT

3 Snatches

6 OHS

9 T2B

#95/65

Until next time…

 

–The Kentucky Momma

Unexpected News

I’m pregnant.

For the 5th time, I’m pregnant.

But for the first time, it’s unexpected.

And I’m a ball of fucking emotions for several reasons.

First of all, this was not planned. We were not prepared for this at all. In particular, I was not prepared for this and, for the moment, it’s for extremely selfish reasons. . I am almost 11 months post partum and I’m just about to get my life back from breastfeeding. I am still nursing Briar and the light was at the end of the tunnel for me. Breastfeeding has been so hard with Briar. I was so looking forward to not living by the pump every 3 hours while I was at work. I was looking forward to be able to enjoy a night out and not worry about pumping at night or in the morning.

Second of all, we are in no shape, financially, to have another child. Ever since we’ve had Briar, we have majorly struggled financially and there have been a couple of contributing factors to this. Scott made about $10,000 less this year. There was nothing he could do about it. Our daycare bill doubled. I think we were more mentally prepared for this then financially. I had my last student loan that became due. In order to stay ahead for the year, we have completely depleted our savings account. We literally have no backup money at all, and we cannot stay ahead of the game. Our savings account ran out in November. So we are really starting to feel the effects of it now. We do not make enough money to cover our monthly bills, and this is not a joke. So, for the moment, I cannot even fathom how we are going to afford another child.

Third… I’m scared I’m going to miscarry. Even though this child was the most unexpected surprise, I would never want to lose it. I just have a really weird feeling. I can’t explain it.

So, how did I find out…

It was Saturday, December 16th. I had a feeling I was pregnant. I had a pregnancy test, so I took it. It was almost immediately positive, but the line was pretty faint. But, nonetheless it was positive.

The first one is the first test I took. I took the second a couple of days later and there was obviously no doubt at this point that I was pregnant. 

 

I instantly felt sick to my stomach when I saw the positive test. I was legitimately freaking the fuck out. I felt like I was going to hyperventilate. And Scott was not home. I was DREADING telling Scott. I knew he was going to flip out. I just knew he was. He has been so adamant about not having another kid. He was going to lose his shit. I texted him to see if he was almost home and he was. A couple minutes later I saw him walking up the driveway. I took a deep breath and the door swung open. He talked to the girls for a second then walked up to me, and I said, “I have to tell you something.” He said, “What? Just get it over with and tell me….” I felt he was kinda mad. So, I said, “I’m pregnant.” Y’all…he for real lit up and said, “Are you serious?”, with a big smile. I instantly broke down. I think just verbally saying it out loud and obviously to Scott just made everything so real. I was happy he was not mad.

He kept asking why I was crying. Was it a good cry or a bad cry? I just kept saying that I wasn’t ready yet. And I couldn’t believe that we put ourselves in this position. He just kept hugging me and reassuring me that we would make everything work. We talked very briefly about all the points I mentioned above. For the most part, he agreed.

It still doesn’t feel real. Briar isn’t even 1 yet. Which means she will not even be 2 when this new baby is born. And Raelynn will barely be 4. Actually, this baby’s due date would be right around Raelynn’s birthday. I mean, I just clearly know how to plan this shit out.

I know all of this will work itself out, no matter how it plays out. I know that God will not give me anything I can’t handle, but shit. I feel like I’ve been thrown for a loop this year.

Until next time…

 

–The Kentucky Momma

I did a thing…

I did something really awesome. A lot of people will be very sceptical of this, but I don’t care. I loved it. I felt like I needed it.

I visited a psychic and got a reading. First of all, it’s not what you think. It’s not a matter of predicting the future. Like, she didn’t tell me anyone was going to die, or I was going to win the lottery, or I was going to get a new job, or I was going to magically find $10,000. It wasn’t anything like that. It was very different, but in a good way. It was different in a realistic way. For the record, she knew nothing about me and I had never met her before. I booked the appointment through the internet and never had one conversation with her until the day of my appointment.

I’ve been debating on doing this for a while. I heard about her through a friend of mine. She had nothing but great things to say about her. I finally decided to take the plunge and do it. I didn’t tell anyone I was going. I definitely didn’t tell Scott because he thinks it’s all bullshit and I didn’t want him to rain on my parade. I ended up scheduling it for January 5th which is the day after my birthday. Plus, I wanted to do it at the beginning of the year.

I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect when I arrived. Her space was very zen, very calming. She was a super chill and relatable person. If you would have passed her on the street, you would have never guessed her profession. I instantly felt okay and ready to receive whatever she was going to tell me.

She started out with tarot cards. She explained to me that every year has a “lesson”. in 2017 my cards were The Empress and the Moon. She told me in 2017 I was challenged to give birth to new ideas, people, places, things, projects. (TRUE) The Empress selflessly gives herself to the good of her tribe (TRUE) I know the value of mistakes. It would have either applied to me making mistakes or someone else making mistakes against me. (I MADE A LOT OF MISTAKES IN 2017, SO ALSO TRUE). The Empress is the strength of the brude which means I would have felt compelled to do household chores, take care of kids, and still go to work. (TRUE) At times I felt alone. And at times I felt like I was giving so much and nothing was being returned. (TRUE).

My challenge last year was in regards to the Moon card. It was not to dive into the depths of myself – was I suppressing things? Was I triggered by certain things? Sadness or regret? I felt as though none of this really applied and she said that was okay. It just meant that The Empress overpowered the Moon.

For 2018, it’s an entirely different story. I instantly freaked out when she turned over the cards. I got the Death card and the World card. She explained that the death card doesn’t mean death, dying, dead. It means transition. It’s a gentle transition card. All challenges that I faced in the year of 2017, I will need to fix. I need to learn to let things go. It came up throughout my reading that if things leave my life, it’s for a reason, and I just need to let it be. Transition, revaluate, words I need to apparently live by. I need to reevaluate the company I keep including friends and family. Are they doing me more harm than good? What perceptions are holding me back…ideas? Careers? Behaviors? Self Medication? If anything is doing more harm that good, then I need to get rid of it.

From there, we went into my chakragraph. This is something that I was not familiar with at all, but it was extremely cool and interesting and it was the majority of my appointment. For those that are not aware, (because I was not aware), this is how it works…(cue the haters…now…)…Before anyone comes in for their appointment, she sits with their energy. Through each individual’s energy, she is able to paint this chakragraph. Every single person’s is different and unique. She also had a notebook full of notes to describe my chakragraph to me.

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She started from the top and worked her way down. The left side is the masculine side that represents logic and thoughts and the right side is the feminine side that represents your emotions.

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The okra colored X at the top of my head represents a recent change or concern in my life. Which direction do I want to go? Do I or Don’t I? (YES)

The empty space in my head means that I am staying open to new ideas.

The violet line through my head is on my third eye. The open space means I am open and ready to receive new ideas. However, my chakra is spinning counterclockwise which means it’s not performing at it’s best (TRUE). I can’t see the end light to some things that are currently happening in my life. I have a gut feeling on what to do but I’m nervous of the outcome (TRUE).

The red line that goes from my head to the three dots represents a huge area of concern. It goes to 3 dots that represent 3 living women in my life. This is to be discussed at a later date, but for the moment, it was because I was pregnant with my third child. This is all related to my chakra spinning in the wrong direction. It is blocking my line of intuition which comes very natural to me. So, the question becomes, how can we fix this? (TO BE DETERMINED….)

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Moving on to the throat, it is completely blocked. She asked if I had problems with my throat, like endocrine issues or thyroid issues. I told her no. I had been checked for thyroid issues just last year and everything came back clean. It sums up to a family member that I basically cannot talk to. I feel like I can’t express how I feel to this person. I am not standing up for myself with this person. I basically either need to let go of the anger related to this person or let go of the relationship. (If you are reading this Mom, it’s not you, so don’t freak out, but you can probably interpret who this is about)

The blue throat extends down into the shoulders. This means that I am laying burdens down on myself that are unnecessary. I NEED TO LET IT GO. She asked if I was having shoulder issues, specifically in my left shoulder and I have been. I’ve been going to the chiropractor for the last couple of months for my shoulder issues. My shoulders constantly ache and are sore. I’ve always chalked it up to crossfit, but what if it was this? That’s fucked up. She goes on to talk about the different colors within the shoulder. Silver represents real issues that are magnified and gold is the presence of healing and goodness. She asked me to reconsider which of these burdens that I’m shouldering actually belong to me. Within the should section is also the career sector. Silver is highlighting the career section. She asked if I have been having a lot of stress (YESSSS). She also asked if I was the money maker of the family. (YESSSS) She said that would explain some of the burdens I am carrying.

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The pink angel wing extends from the throats and tells a story of innocence and kidness. It shows the desire to do well by all people. She also interpreted this as a play writes cape. It shows a character trait of mine where I have to physically change myself to adapt to a situation (see unhealthy relationship above).

My heart is pulling in anxious energy. GO FIGURE!! But, it is wide open and spinning clockwise, which is a good thing.

My feminine arm (left arm) came out much smaller than my masculine arm which signals than I am giving more than I get. (TRUE in more aspects that one). Again, pulling in anxious energy (yellow).

In my masculine arm (right arm) the energy wanes. It suggests the question that I am not fully supported? Or am I feeling empty? Am I getting what I need from the social community? Am I giving too much time and heart to something that isn’t equally giving back. (Could be several instances where this applies).

Again, the reiteration comes back that I need to just let things go. If things leave my life, it has a purpose or reason for leaving.

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My solar energy which is right above my navel is spinning counterclockwise which indicates that healing needs to happen. This is the big circle that starts out gold and turns silver and extends into my leg. It suggests that I have greif that I haven’t properly grieve over yet. (YES…TRUE) My solar energy in general is muddy and darkened. This also suggests family. Is my family draining me? Am I being the best person when I’m involved in something that constantly drains me? Am I caught up in grief? Is my self perception tied to something that I’m mourning?  Within the orange part of my leg, there is a word that is written, “distance”. Given all of the above, that word seems appropriate.

On the same leg, there is a burnt sienna color on the inner thigh which means stubbornness. Well…yes.

Also on the same leg, there is yellow at my thigh which means I am having community issues – family issues are present and of course anxiety. Anytime there is yellow that equals anxiety.

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This one is the one that has been tripping me up the most. The number 3 is present 3 times on my shins; twice on the masculine side that show has three tally marks and once on the feminine side that show as three gold dots around the word triumph. The number 3 means I am a self critic. YES. It means I need to be seen as a perfectionist. YES. It means I need to lighten up. YES. I need to let myself experience all of the good things and, once again, LET OF OF ALL THE THINGS HOLDING ME BACK. REEVALUATE LIFE. If something needs to go this year, it has a purpose. On top of this three, there were the three dots at the top. Let me explain a little.

I was pregnant with an expected third child when she sat with my energy. I related that to the three women at the top of the head that were essentially causing havoc. The third child was unexpected and it was creating a multitude of questions. The three at the bottom that showed up three times and also in silver and gold. The silver indicates I need to experience healing. The gold suggests healing is already in process. When she sat with my energy, I had lost three babies at that point. Unfortunately, I am in process of losing this one as well. So, at the time when she sat with my energy and my third child was living (confirmed through an ultrasound), it was a girl. Also, I had only lost the three babies at the time she sat with my energy. It’s just crazy how fast things happen.

Below my solar energy is the reproductive organs and they are fiery which is supposedly a good thing. Again, I was pregnant at the time she did this.

On my opposite leg there are grayish triangles. She said she related this to shark fins. The shark fins ask the question, am I too caught up in my own emotions to see a situation clearly? Also, I have to fearlessly face things or people that are holding me back.

So, basically, I just need to reevaluate my life and if it doesn’t fucking belong, BYE!

Seriously, this was a badass experience. I’m considering doing it at least every year, if not every 6 months. For me, there were a couple of “Holy Shit, did you just say that” moment, but for the most part, it was just reaffirming what I’ve already known, or have been feeling. I think whenever people think of psychic, it’s totally far fetched. For me, this was the extra push that I feel I needed to make my life better for 2018.

 

–The Kentucky Momma

 

Goodbye 2017…Hello 2018

I want to finish this year positive and strong. **(As I sit here with my tater tots and fried chicken)**

I NEVER make resolutions. In my opinion, they are stupid. Why do I want to set myself up for failure? I feel like everyone makes goals/resolutions and then every year the same goals/resolutions are set. It’s like you are setting yourself up for recurring failure? Why? I don’t want to put myself through that.

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So, here I am…setting fucking new year’s resolutions for 2018. I’m writing them out to hold me accountable. If at some point, I ever feel that I break them, I will be the first to let you know 🙂

If you read my last post, I posted an article that just really hit home for me and affected me positively. I will say that it somewhat lit a fire under my ass.

Here is the article:

You Are The Reason Your Life Sucks

In summary, do something about your life if it sucks. Make changes to your life to make your life better. If you act positive and think positive, your life will be positive. If you act negative and think negative, guess what…your life will be negative.

So, here are my resolutions for 2018:

  1. I want to be less negative. I think I have made major improvements over the years, but I’m still not where I need to be. Somedays, I think my life is shit. And I need to realize that some people would kill for my life. I have a husband that loves me, 2 beautiful, healthy girls, a great job to support my family. There is really nothing to be negative about. Yes, we all have bad days, but I do not want to dwell on them. I do not want to let the bad days take away from my great life. I am such a pessimistic in general. I’m going to try really hard this year to be more positive and optimistic.
  2. This is one that is hard for me to admit. I want to be less judgemental and participate in less gossip. I am probably one of the most open minded people ever, but I will silently judge people and situations. Why? Why waste my energy on it? What’s the point? Is it helping me? No, it’s taking up energy that could be better spent somewhere else. The gossiping part will be hard. It’s what us girls do! We get together, we drink a little, then we start letting the bullshit flow. Bitch sessions! Man, I love a good bitch session! And I think they are good for the soul, to a certain extent! If I had a shitty day at work, I just want to vent about it. What I do not want to participate in, is talking shit about people. Look, I know people talk shit about me and vice versa, I talk shit about people. I just need to do it less. Period. It all circles back to being less negative.
  3. I have some negative people in my life that I want to distance myself from. These negative people just make me feel guilty about things that I shouldn’t feel guilty about. They are dramatic about everything. They are constantly in a bad mood. They do NOTHING to improve their quality of life so they drag people down with them. I know I am destined to do great things. Currently, my life is great, but I know my full potential hasn’t been reached yet. I do not want to be around negative people that will deter me from my goals of being great and doing great things.

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I feel like I am setting the bar pretty high for myself, but I have to. I want to. I am a role model to two little girls that mean the world to me. I want them to be successful in life no matter what they chose. I feel like I have to give them a good foundation to start their lives so they can mold the rest of it based on their individual desires. If I am negative all the time…what does that teach them? I just want to be a good and influential mother to my kids. I want them to lead a happy and positive life. And I think that starts with a happy and positive mom.

Until next time…

 

–The Kentucky Momma