Month 5

I never start with Raelynn…SO…I believe we are approaching what is known as the “Terrible Three’s”. I think it used to be the terrible two’s, but has since transitioned to the terrible three’s. She is a good kid, she really is. But she is giving us a run for our money. And it makes me question EVERYTHING… Am I doing this parenting thing right? Should we be spending more time with her? Should would be discipling her differently? It’s so complicated! Her biggest thing is, she does not listen. If we tell her to do something, she will look at us right in the eyes and do the complete opposite. And it’s not just us. Her daycare has recently told me she gets in time out all the time for not listening. I’m hoping it’s just a phase. But I also do not think it’s related to Briar at all. I’ve often wondered if she was going to have ill-feelings towards her, but she never has. She loves her so much. I think she would be acting out even if she was still an only child.

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Currently, we use a color chart that I made. She stays on GOOD and WARNING a lot. Very rarely do we have to use the time-out section. We also try to move her to GOOD or AWESOME as much as we can. We relate it to everyday stuff. If she gets out of bed in the morning and doesn’t argue much, goes to the potty, changes clothes, brushes teeth, then we will move her up, but if she doesn’t do one of those things, we move her down. Whenever she gets home we go right over to the chart and say, “Okay, this is where you are based on the morning, now let’s try to get to GOOD or AWESOME.” About 75% of the time, she does good. But, boy, when she is defiant, she will fight tooth and nail. She is so bullheaded. But she’s cute.

Since it’s summer time here, we try to go outside as much as we can. Raelynn loves it outside. She is her daddy’s shadow when he works outside. When he mows, she wants to help him, whenever he does gardening, she wants to help. We also have a fire pit in our backyard and she loves to have “camp fires” as she says. ūüôā

She is too smart for her own good. She remembers EVERYTHING. Like, when we tell her that she can have her iPad on the weekend if she is good…she has no problem reminding us about it. Or if we tell her that a special event is coming up, like a friend’s birthday. She will ask about it everyday until the actual event occurs.

She is definitely going to be our little pistol.

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Scott and I had our first actual date night! It was amazing and so so so much needed. I wish we could do it every weekend. It was very impromptu. We actually kinda decided at the last minute to do something and we found a sitter.

We went to a local brewery that we had never been to before. The brewery also happened to have vegan food. And a lot of Vegan food is dairy free!! So I was super happy. We got an appetizer, had some beers, we sat outside, it was so nice. We talked about EVERYTHING. We talked about things going on in our lives, we talked about things we wanted to do, we talked about our kids, we talked about having more kids or not having more kids. It was just so nice to have uninterrupted time together. After that we went to another local restaurant and drank some more. There was also a live band and we love live bands. It was just such a perfect night. Neither of us wanted it to end. We were only out for about a total of 5 hours and home around 11pm. I pretty much went home and went straight to bed and of course, my little Briar was up at 3, 4, 530, and 630 :\ I’ll elaborate more on her sleep later.

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The next day was Father’s day. We went to the Zoo. That’s what Scott wants to do every year. He said he wants to make it a tradition. We try to go early too. Not only to beat the crowd, but the animals seem to be more active when it’s not steaming hot. After that we pretty much ran all day to see all of our dads. So needless to say, we were not excited for Monday to roll around.

*************************************************************************************And of course, can’t forget my little Briar. Oh Briar. Just when I think I have you figured out, you throw a wrench in my plans.

Sleep is still our biggest issue and she is no where near consistent at all. ¬†We did, however, have our first, official sleep through the night. She slept from about 7:30pm – 5:00am. She’s actually done that twice now. And while I get glimpses of this wonderful life of sleep, she says, “HA, FUCK YOU!” and wakes up literally 3-5 times a night. Lately she’s been averaging at least 3 times waking up a night. For about a month now, I have only been feeding her once. It’s around the 3:30am wake up. 7:00am until 3:30 am is a long time without food, and she truly does eat good when she wakes up at that time. She’s not just trying to soothe herself back to sleep. So for now, I will keep that feed.

We were absolutely spoiled with Raelynn’s sleep abilities. At about 4 1/2 – 5 months old she started sleeping so well. She slept from 7:00pm until we had to wake her up the next morning for daycare around 7:00am. Even on ¬†the weekends, we had to wake her up at 8:00am.

I already know we are going to have to sleep train Briar. We did not have to do this with Raelynn. She just taught herself how to go to sleep. The biggest difference is Raelynn didn’t have a paci, and Briar does. And when we finally sleep train, I am getting rid of that thing for good. I wouldn’t hate it so much if she kept it in her mouth. She constantly spits it out. But when she does keep it in her mouth, it soothes her. I’m like, okay, what logic are you using here Briar?

We were also really blessed that Raelynn took very consistent naps. Briar is still all over the place. Whenever we figured out what worked for Raelynn, we literally revolved our day around it because it worked! And she cried for 4 months straight, so whenever we figured out how not to make her cry, we did everything we could to make it happen. Briar is just a little shit. A huge believer that the paci is not helping her take naps really either.

I’ve been reading up on what sleep training method I want to use and we are probably going to do the Ferber method. It’s a version of cry it out, but with check in’s. Everything I’ve read about it says it should work within 7 days tops if you do it correctly. Also, all of the research I’ve done says to wait until 6 months. I’m so so so ready to try now, but I’m still afraid it’s too soon and I’d be wasting my time. I literally contemplate it every night whenever I have to go back in her room and put her paci back in her mouth. But I don’t want to half ass it. I want to do it the right way so that it will actually work.

She has been pretty clingy lately too. She’s always had her fussy time from about 5pm-7pm, but it was getting better and only from about 6:00pm – 7:00pm, but now she’s reverting back to 5:00pm – 7:00pm. She doesn’t want to do anything except be held and walked around. You cannot hold her and sit, you have to walk. It’s like there is an alarm that goes off whenever we try to sit down with her. It’s frustrating and exhausting.

She tries so hard to sit up, but she is still pretty far away from it. Probably in the next month or so she will be able to. I’m so ready for that, because she likes to sit up with assistance now.

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We have just not had it very easy when it comes to kids. We have some high needs kids. Which leads me to my next topic….to have more or to not have more.

Scott and I finally had an in depth discussion about it. Both of us had valid points and I think we both took each other’s perspective pretty seriously.

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I can only imagine…..

ME – I just do not feel done have babies. I want one more. I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl. Just a healthy baby. I hate being pregnant. I don’t enjoy the beginning months. But, that first moment whenever I get to see my baby is literally magical. Nothing else matters at the point. I know the next year is going to be fucking hard. But, it’s worth it. We have been blessed with 2 healthy girls. What if the next one isn’t healthy? What if there are complications? With the exception of Raelynn’s unexpected natural birth, both labors and births have been pretty easy. What if I have to get a C Section the next time? I know it’s not the end of the world, but it’s not ideal.

SCOTT – He really, really hates the beginning months. He does not feel bonded at all to the baby. He felt the same with Raelynn and Briar. And I can totally see why. They are essentially attached to me for the first year of their life. Both cried a lot and he couldn’t soothe them. Both didn’t sleep for the first couple of months. It’s really fucking exhausting. It’s expensive as hell. We only have a three bedroom house, where would we put the third kid? We obviously aren’t going to move anytime soon. There is no down time with 2 kids. We each basically manage one, so what kid is going to be left out if we have another one? We didn’t realize how much we enjoyed our freedom until we had kids. We didn’t realize how much we enjoyed each other until we had kids.

We both decided the decision is not to be made now. We are still knee deep in Briar being a handful. I just reminded him that if we had made the decision to have another kid when Raelynn was 5 months old, the answer would have been no.

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Until next time…

 

–The Kentucky Momma

The Never Ending To Do List

I feel like I have a never ending to-do list. 24/7, 365 days a year. Whenever I have the chance to mark something off, another task or two gets added. I thrive off lists and organization. I literally feel lost without all of my to-do lists. I have work to-do lists, personal to-do lists, family to-do lists. With that said, they are all extremely overwhelming. I have so much shit to do that never gets done. And then, there is always that one task glaring at me that I secretly know I will never do, yet it seems to remain on my to-do list, taking up space and reminding me that my to-do list will always be there and it will never be 100% complete.

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The overwhelmed feeling is currently consuming me. There simply aren’t enough hours in the day to get everything accomplished.

I am quickly approaching Raelynn’s 3rd birthday and I haven’t accomplished much of anything and it’s a little over 2 months away. Decorations, food, favors, the ice cream bar…the list never ends…We are having an Ice Cream themed party. I’m not huge on decorations and things like that, but I still like to put a little something together. Not to mention, it’s expensive to feed everyone. I think last year we spent almost $500 on her birthday and I swear we didn’t do anything elaborate at all.

With that said, I already have more stuff planned out for Briar’s 1st birthday than I do for Raelynn’s 3rd. I was scrolling through a yard sale website on Facebook and I came across a Unicorn theme for a 1st birthday. I knew I had to have it. I bought the unicorn lot when Briar was 2 months old. Still, it’s a completely different party to plan, and it’s only 5 months after Raelynn’s.

Now that we have a bigger house, and a bigger yard, and more landscaping, and a huge garden, the chores are never ending. Ever since April, we have pretty much been non stop on the weekends, either with plans or doing stuff around the house. There is just a lot more upkeep with this house than I was mentally prepared for. We’ve been in this house for a year and a half, and I’m definitely still adjusting to all the work both inside and outside that needs to be done.

One of my friends recently shared an article that explained how her household worked better because she was like me. She was a type A personality that needed order, needed the dishes to be done, needed all the laundry to be done, needed clean floors. And all of that is so me. I, personally, operate better when things are in order and clean. The anxiousness and overwhelming feelings get supercharged when my house is a disaster. I cannot stand it. There are times that I probably do too much, like scrubbing the baseboards. No one really gives a shit about my baseboards. I don’t look at anyones baseboards when I go to their house. I know that no one looks at my baseboards when they come to my house. BUT, I know they are dirty and covered in dog hair, so the job must be done. Then, there are other times, when I feel I don’t do enough. Just today, I looked at the shower and wondered when the last time I cleaned it was. I know it’s at least been a month. Again, does anyone care? Hell no. But, I do. So, I add it to my to-do list..Clean the shower on a free weekend…so…November…maybe…

I bought a book, Hand’s Free Mama, over a year ago. I was around 6-7 weeks pregnant. I have started the book around 5 times and I’ve not got further than page 10. In the first 10 pages, she pretty much tells you that you have to make a lifestyle change and the to-do lists will be gone. Even though my to-do lists are overwhelming, I can’t mentally prepare myself to let them go yet. Isn’t that awful? I know it would be a good book and I know it would help me. But I just can’t right now.

I know every mom has to feel like this to, but I feel like no sooner than I get something cleaned up, someone has made it a mess again. It’s so incredibly aggravating.

There really just aren’t enough hours in the day. I feel so rushed, constantly. Monday – Friday is terrible. I feel rushed at work, I feel rushed at home, I feel rushed to allocate enough time to both kids, I feel rushed to love my husband, I feel rushed to make time for myself. I hate it.

I do love my life. It’s just all a little hectic right now.

Until next time…

 

–The Kentucky Momma

 

 

 

3…..4 months with a Toddler and a Newborn

Well, I’m 3 months into our new life of 4. It’s definitely hectic and we are still trying to figure things out.

I’ve been asked several times how much harder are things with two kids. Everything is harder. But, in my personal opinion, the hardest adjustment was going from 0 kids to 1 kid. You have to sacrifice literally everything and care for another human being. You have to put someone else before yourself. Our family of 3 got into a routine and then we added Briar. Things are a little shaky, but we are already in the habit of caring for another human being, and now we just added one to the mix.

As I assumed, balancing time between kids, our careers, our marriage, our social lives, household chores is all very hard and stressful. But, we manage. Some days are better than others, and that’s okay for now.

For the first three months, Briar has basically been attached to me. Which leave Scott to care for Raelynn. I’ve had hard time dealing with this because I’m sacrificing a lot of time with Raelynn. In my head, I told myself, things weren’t going to change. I would get equal time with both kids, but that’s just not reality, unfortunately.

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I’m going to lest this post Rest In Peace because we are now 4 months into our new life….

And I’m dying….

Literally dying from no sleep…

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The moment I think that Briar has somewhat turned a corner, it’s like she looks at me and laughs in my face for even thinking such a reasonable thing can happen.

From month 3 to month 4, a lot has changed.

Developmentally, Briar has learned to roll over both ways. She smiles SO much. She laughs out loud. It’s the cutest thing. If we place a toy in front of her, she will grab it. It’s amazing the things we get excited about as parents. ¬†Me to Scott – “OH MY GOD SCOTT, LOOK!! SHE GRABBED THE RATTLE!!!” Scott to me – “KEISH, SHE’S ABOUT TO ROLL OVER, STOP EVERYTHING YOU ARE DOING AND COME LOOK!!” I mean, seriously. Who are we??

She is still pretty fussy from 5pm – 7pm. It does seem we have more good days than bad though, so that’s a plus. I remember feeling completely locked down with Raelynn when her last feeding and bedtime was at 7pm and I already feel like again. Briar has no fear in letting you know that she is hungry and ready for bed. It doesn’t matter where we are.

Sleep…Sleep is still the biggest issue for me…I guess sleep really is overrated because it’s still pretty nonexistent. She was really taking well to the swaddle and then she started to roll and I was done with it at that point. I would feed her at 7pm, when she was done eating, I would swaddle her, and then I would have to rock/hold her for about 40-50 minutes before I could set her down in her crib. At this point, there was no putting down to sleep drowsy. This worked for us, so we did it. From there her sleep varied tremendously. Some nights she would wake up at 11pm. The majority of nights she would wake up between 12am – 1am, A very small handful of times she would sleep until 2am, and we had one instance where she slept until 3am. Of course that night, I didn’t make it to bed until almost 11pm :\. Go figure. So, she was overall having a very good first stretch of sleep. I would go to bed anywhere from 8:30 – 9:30. On most nights it was 8:30 just so I could get at least 3-4 hours of sleep. After her first stretch of sleep, her middle of the night wakings were literally everywhere. Sometimes it was every 2 hours, sometimes it was every 3 hours. On average, she was still waking up 3 times a night.¬†After her first stretch, she would either come in the bed with me or go to the couch with me. I couldn’t muster up enough energy to stay awake and nurse her in her room and put her back down asleep in her crib. It was easier for me to nurse her, then lay her next to me so I could at least get some rest.

So, when she started to roll, we ditched the swaddle.I had read several different articles about how to wean off the swaddle: one arm out, two arms out, Merlin’s Magic Sleep suit, Zip a Dee suit. I told Scott that I just wanted to cold turkey it. I figured, there was nothing consistent about her sleep right now, so what’s the point in trying to slowly transition out. Let’s just do it and get it over with. The first couple of nights were a little tough. She had a hard time falling asleep and staying asleep, initially. It would take around 1 1/2 – 2 hours to finally get her to sleep. That was a combination of Scott and/or I going in her room and shushing her or putting that god forsaking pacifier back in her mouth. We let her cry a little bit. I’m very hesitant to do a full on cry it out with her because of Raelynn. I can’t imagine having to calm two kids down and put two kids back to sleep. We do a somewhat modified version. We let her cry for a couple of minutes and then we go in and reassure her that all is well. That has paid off tremendously for us. For the past couple of days she has went right to sleep after her feeding. She may toss and turn for a minute or two to get settled, but no real crying or having to go back in. ¬†For about a week, she was sleeping like a champ, down at 7pm up around 1am-2am then up around 5:30am – 6am. Still very broken sleep for me and no more than 4 hours at a time, but I felt like I could see the light. Then….the 4 month sleep regression happened. It happened with Raelynn too. I was just hoping to slide right on by this time. It started last weekend. Friday night and Saturday night she was up every 2 hours. Then Sunday night happened. She never slept for more than an hour at a time. I was awake from Sunday morning until Monday night. I was awake for around 40 hours. It was terrible. I never EVER go into work late and I didn’t make it into work until around 9:30am Monday morning. I felt terrible. I know I looked terrible. WHYYY was this happening? I swear, I’m never getting sleep again. My body might be regulating to 4 hours of sleep, because now 4 hours of consistent sleep feels natural and normal. This past week (Monday – Wednesday), I thought she had somewhat went back to normal sleeping habits. I was putting her to bed around 7pm, then getting up around 1:30am – 2:00a.m. and then again around 5:30am – 6:00am, UNTIL Scott informed me that she was waking up every night between 10:30pm and 11:00pm. He was getting to her before I woke up and has been able to settle her back down to sleep until she wake up for me. So, instead of the normal 2 night wakings, we have somehow increased to 3 wakings. Last night there was even a 4th waking. All I know to do is to keeping being consistent and hoping this passes soon. I’m at a loss. Since she has been born, I’ve not got more than 4 hours of sleep, a handful of 5 hour stretches, and one 6 hour stretch. And at this point, we are going backwards, but hopefully not for long.

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We had our first overnight with both kids away and I wish I could have enjoyed it more. I guess, the sleep, I mean. That was my only 6 hour stretch. They stayed at my in laws house. I was not sad at all to give them away. LOL. I wish I could do it more often. Scott and all of his guys went to a BeerFest and me and all of the girls went to a WineFest. It was much needed. But, as you can imagine, I didn’t wake up feeling refreshed. I woke up feeling very hungover. I had to get up early to pump, then pick up the kids from my in laws and take them daycare so Scott and I could recover. I didn’t really feel like myself again until about 5pm.

Breastfeeding is becoming another issue. The beginning of our breastfeeding relationship was MUCH better than Raelynn and I’s. Briar is eating MUCH more than Raelynn did at this point. Raelynn was around three or four, 3 – 3.5 ounce bottles every 3 hours while we were apart. Briar is four, 4 ounces bottles every 3 hours. That’s 16 ounces for Briar compared to around 12-14 ounces with Raelynn. It doesn’t seem like a big difference, but I struggle majorly to get 16 ounces a day. I had to add a pump session in at night, which I absolutely hate. Instead of going to bed at 8:30, I now have to pump at 8:30. I’m considering power pumping for a while until my supply goes back up. I drink Mother’s Milk Tea every single night. I put flax seeds in my protein shakes and in my morning oatmeal. I have just recently ordered some cookies from a nursing mom. The company is called Milk Boosters. I’ve read rave reviews about them. I am praying they work. I also just ordered some brewers yeast to make my own cookies. I’m hesitant to take Fenugreek because I’ve heard it can upset mom and babies stomach so I will hold off on that for now. For a couple week straight, I had to get into my frozen stash to make up the 16 ounces. I knew that once I started supplementing with my frozen stash, I was letting my body know it was okay not to make any more milk than I was making, so that’s why I added in the 8:30 pump. I am currently making just enough day to day and as of the last two weeks I haven’t had to dig into my frozen stash. I maybe freeze 3 – 5 ounces a month which is terrible. I think I maybe have around 120 ounces frozen and 100 of those ounces contain dairy :/. So I am on the struggle bus for sure to make the milk. Ideally, I would love to add a pump session in the morning, but Briar is just too inconsistent with her sleep. I know the day I would wake up, so would she and she would want to eat. Or she would wake up as soon as I get done pumping. I would love to have just an extra ounce or 2 a day. I don’t need or want a huge stash, but just enough to feel comfortable if something were to ever come up.

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And my little Raelynn. She is becoming a feisty…almost 3 year old…cue the tears. I don’t know where the last 3 years have gone. It’s really sad. She’s so smart. But, she takes after both me and her daddy…she is a head strong little girl. She is starting to give us a hard way to go. I don’t think it has anything to do with Briar because she gets ample time with us after Briar goes to bed. We make sure to spend quality time with just her. I just think she is going through a toddler stage. She is definitely Miss Independent, she is strong willed, she is so bossy (me). Sometimes I feel like I see some of my negative traits come out in her. I expressed this to my therapist in my last meeting; the bossiness in particular. I want Raelynn to be a good leader and I want her to stand up for herself, but I also want her to listen and be able to help other people. I told the therapist, my controlling and bossy side has come out majorly in Raelynn already. I am scared to death more than anything that I am going to portray my anxiety onto Raelynn and that’s the absolute last thing I want. I would not wish my anxious self on anyone. I try to be very careful and mindful what I say, but sometimes, I just say the wrong shit. I’m trying very hard. Plus, I want to be happy. I want her to see me happy. I want her to see me and her daddy happy. All of those things are very important to me and balancing all of them are really hard.

Speaking of being happy with Scott. We are about the same. We aren’t terrible, but we aren’t great. When we both get home from work, it’s balls to the wall until Briar goes to bed, then Raelynn goes to bed, then I have to pump, then I’m tired so I go to sleep. The weekends are already getting crazy with plans. It just seems we never have time to ourselves. We never MAKE time for ourselves. Just today, I asked him if he would be okay with me going out to eat Friday night with a couple girls. He said yes, and then in turn asked if he could go to grab a drink with friends tonight. I, of course, said yes, then immediately said, “Next time we need to make plans together, not separate.” The last time we had a date night was when I was 6 months pregnant, so around 6 months ago…and before that….I think it was well over 6 months. ¬†Another thing that plays into us never making plans together is that we feel one of us always has to stay home with the kids. If not, we have to find a sitter and they are hard to come by with two kids. Everyone is a little more hesitant to jump on the babysitting bandwagon with two kids. One that we use regularly, we pay hourly, and sometimes that’s just not in our best interest to have to pay someone, or we literally don’t have the money. So we each make a sacrifice so the other can have some time away from the kids. It just sucks that we don’t spend more time together without the kids.

Work is a whole other issue and it’s praying on me more and more each day. Ever since Briar, I feel like I just cannot get back into the swing of things and I hate it. I feel myself becoming less and less focused at work. It’s a very huge struggle for me because I’m normally very work oriented. I stay under a lot of pressure at my job and it really sucks to not be 100% focused.

A couple of pictures of the girls over the last month or so…

 

 

That’s it for now. Until next time…

 

–The Kentucky Momma

Dairy Free + Meal Prep + CrossFit

As I hope you’ve previously read, I made the decision to go dairy free when Briar had an adverse reaction to dairy through my breastmilk. I’m not a big dairy eater in general so overall it wasn’t that hard for me to give up. It becomes hard when I’m tired and I don’t feel like meal prepping. It becomes hard whenever I’m at a party and they have pizza and I can’t have it. But, it’s worth it knowing that I’m not hurting Briar. Her face got really badly broke out for a while and the two times I ate a large portion of dairy (cereal with milk and ice cream) she projectile vomited. She also had some pretty mucusy diapers. At her two month well check appointment, I expressed these concerns to her pediatrician and he said we could do a milk protein allergy test. It would just require drawing some blood and testing it. Her test came back negative. So, I just assumed she has a sensitivity. Which is much better. I still have not reintroduced dairy. I might try around 5-6 months.

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On top of dairy free, I am also soy free, and somewhat egg free. Whenever I self-diagnosed Briar with a dairy sensitivity, I also immediately cut soy because they go hand in hand. I cut all obvious and hidden dairy and soy. I decided to cut egg a couple of weeks later because her face was still breaking out. I wasn’t really sure if it was still the dairy in my system, or if it was the eggs I was eating for breakfast. Just yesterday, I tried a paleo bread recipe that had baked in eggs and so far she’s been okay. So fingers crossed we are okay for eggs because I need protein!

I took this dairy free life as a blessing in disguise. With CrossFit, the Paleo diet goes hand in hand with it. The Paleo diet is called the caveman diet. You are essentially eating, meats, vegetables, fruits, and nuts. You are not supposed to eat grains, dairy, refined sugar, or anything processed. For me, it was just an easier way to incorporate this diet into my life. I very, very loosely followed it in the past, but I decided if I was going to do this, I was going to do it the right way. At this moment I’m probably about 90ish% paleo. The only thing that is keeping me from being 100% paleo is the oatmeal (grain) that I eat in the morning. At this point, I’m not willing to give that up because it helps boost milk supply.

So, what exactly am I eating. Chicken and vegetables, basically. I have no problem eating the same thing over and over again for a really long time, so it’s been okay for me. Here’s somewhat of a breakdown:

Breakfast – steel cut oats (instant) and then I add blueberries and strawberries

Snack – Protein Shake

Snack – raw almonds/pistachios

On days I workout I will have another protein shake right after I workout.

Lunch – chicken/turkey burger and roasted vegetables

Snack – oranges/apple/grapefruit

Snack – Larabar

Dinner – chicken/turkey burger and roasted vegetables

My breakfast is not paleo. And for now, I’m okay with that.

For lunch and dinner, I have to roast vegetables about every other day. The vegetables I like to use are a combination of carrots, sweet potatoes, zucchini, squash, asparagus, mushrooms, brussel sprouts, just to name a few. It all depends on what I’m feeling at the moment in time and what’s on sale. I almost always use sweet potatoes though, because they are my favorite. Whenever I roast the vegetables, I normally just chose 4 different vegetables, dice them, mix them together on a baking sheet, put olive oil, salt, and pepper on them, and put them in the oven for an hour. Half way through I mix them up. I am all about quick and easy because I do not have time to waste these days. Plus, Raelynn loves to help me cut up “begetables”. I let her put them on the baking sheet, and then she helps sprinkle them with salt and pepper. Total prep time is 15 minutes at the most.

For the turkey burger, I buy premade, all natural, butterball turkey burgers. They are full of protein. I normally just grill them. It takes about 20 minutes.

For the chicken, I have found a recipe that I’ve really been leaning on because it’s so easy, it takes literally 5 minutes, and the chicken stays moist and tender throughout the week. It’s called Lemon Garlic Chicken.

Since I am meal prepping for a couple of days, I use way more than the recipe calls for so this is my recipe:

5-6 pieces of chicken (breasts)

1 TBSP kosher salt

1 TBSP pepper

1 TBSP parsley flakes

1 TBSP oregano

1 TBSP minced garlic

1 lemon (need juice from the lemon)

Put chicken in crockpot, mix spices together and spread on chicken. Squeeze lemon over the chicken. Depending on your crockpot, you can put on high for 4 hours, or low for 8 hours. I prefer high for 4 hours. Total prep time is 10 minutes. Super easy!

Protein…this could be a touchy subject. Some people are okay with taking protein while nursing and some are completely against it. For the type of workout I’m doing, I NEED protein or else I will lose all of my muscle. The problem with the protein I need, it was a struggle to understand and research what was safe and that complied with my dairy free, soy free, and egg free life. Anything that was Whey Protein and Egg Protein was out of the question. So, I started researching and I found that I needed a plant based protein. Previous to pregnancy, my protein needs were met by a company called MRM. Their protein was not full of crap, essentially. They happened to have a plant based protein. I ordered some samples, made sure Briar didn’t react adversely to them, and she didn’t, thank goodness, and then ordered me a big ol tub of protein. My favorite protein shakes:

Morning Protein Shake:

1 cup almond milk

1 cup coffee

2 cups ice cubes

1 scoop of protein

After workout Protein Shake:

1 cup almond milk

2 TBSP PB2

1 scoop of protein

1 cup ice

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Again, I try to keep things simple and tasty. I love coffee in the morning. I love peanut butter all the time and PB2 is full of protein and way less calories and fat than regular peanut butter. Plus the PB2 powder mixes really well in a protein shake. You can also blend these. I’m just always on the go, so just adding ice to my shaker bottle and shaking vigorously works well for me.

I also use the MyFitness Pal app to track all of my calorie and nutrient intake. I need to make sure I am getting enough of everything with nursing Briar and working out. I’m not going to lie, I struggle most days to get all of my calories and nutrients in. I’ve been tracking my food intake for around 45 days and I’m still trying to figure out what works best and what foods go well together. Some days I am super high in carbs, some days I’m super high in fats, and I ALWAYS struggle to get in enough protein, even with 2 shakes and turkey and chicken. It’s a work in progress. I’m hoping to be able to incorporate eggs again so I know that will help. I feel like I am constantly researching Paleo recipes, snacks, etc. I try something new at least once a week.

In a nutshell, that’s what I do for food.

I started CrossFit back at 6 weeks. I was only going 2-3 times a week, and now slowly doing 4-5 days a week. My CrossFit box is right around the corner from work and I am only part time at work right now. I return to work full time on April 24th, so I’m hoping to be more consistent with 5 days a week. The same with pregnancy, I have just been letting my body dictate when I can and can’t do.

CrossFit has overall been going very well. I am struggling mentally and physically, which was expected. Mentally and physically, I know what my body is capable of. I could do more in my ninth month of pregnancy than I can right now. And it sucks. The biggest thing is I have no core at all. Core is key in everything I do. So, until my 6 pack decides to show up *sarcastic smile* I suppose I will be on the struggle bus.

I can feel myself getting stronger each week. I’m also putting in extra work at home so I know that’s helping. I work on a couple of different lifts every week and each week I’m getting closer to my maxes. Even though I am struggling (more so mentally), it’s very refreshing to watch myself get stronger and closer to my max lifts. I feel like it’s just a matter of time before I’m back to where I was; hopefully even stronger. I made a list of goals this year to attain in 2017 and I honestly think I can hit the majority of them by summer.

I am having a hard time coping with my body not looking like I want it to and I’m finding myself on the scale every single day. I used to never get on the scale. I’m just so impatient, summer is quickly approaching, and my body is nowhere near bikini ready. Not to mention, I have some terrible, horrible stretch marks. I’m hoping as I tone and get a little tan from being in the sun, they will “disappear” a little. I know I will get there, it’s just not in the time frame that I want. Patience is not a virtue for me :/

 

Until next time…

 

–The Kentucky Momma

 

Let’s try this again…

I did have a really terrible day yesterday. Which prompted the really negative post.

But, last night, I actually got some sleep, so I felt compelled to write about the somewhat positives of my first 12 weeks with Briar and maybe elaborate a little more on certain situations currently going on in my life.

She is happy.

She is healthy.

She is well taken care of.

She is loved.

That’s really all that matters.

Her first month was pretty laid back. NOTHING compared to Raelynn. Raelynn screamed from the moment she came home. Briar ate, slept, was awake for a little bit, slept, and ate some more. Our breastfeeding journey was and has been MUCH less complicated that mine and Raelynn’s. I struggled with Raelynn for about 3 months with a terrible latch and bloody nipples. Briar, maybe a week, which was a welcome change. Sleep sucked, which was expected in the first month. The adjustment to two kids was weird, but we were establishing a routine.

Briar’s second month into her third month is where things started to go downhill. (I know, this is supposed to be positive, but I feel like I have to say this). She started to have colicky moments and I instantly had flashbacks of Raelynn. It was not welcome at all. I don’t know why, but I like to be in denial of certain things instead of acknowledging them and trying to fix them. Briar’s colicky behavior was probably one of them. She is now almost 12 weeks old and looking back, she probably definitely had a mild case of colic. It was nothing compared to Raelynn, but Scott and I both faced some desperate moments with Briar.

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YEP….¬†

Scott’s desperate moments most certainly outweighed mine. I found myself being able to be cool, calm, collected, and for the most part able to deal with the crying. Even if I wasn’t able to soothe her, I could deal with the crying. With Raelynn, I couldn’t deal. Period. I was in a very bad place with Raelynn very early on.

Which brings me to my next point, I honestly don’t know if Scott was like this with Raelynn or not. I was so fucked up and wrapped up in my own emotions that I did not have the energy to focus on Scott. Some similarities between Raelynn and Briar with Scott, I know he did not like coming home from work with both because they would both be in the colic stage and they would both cry until they went to bed. He felt like he could not soothe either of them because he didn’t have boobs, even though Briar is somewhat taking the pacifier. But one big thing I notice with Briar is he simply loses it. He has ZERO patience with her. He gets so worked up so quick and he doesn’t realize whenever he does this, she feeds off him. My rationalization for this is, he can talk to Raelynn. Raelynn can tell him her wants and needs and he can fulfill them. He cannot do that with Briar. He finally told me he doesn’t feel connected to Briar. I know he felt the same with Raelynn, too. It’s just hard to hear. Even if I am feeling those same feelings, vocalizing something like that just hurts my heart. But, I get it. I really do. If the roles were reversed, I can’t say that I wouldn’t be experiencing the same feelings.

I read an article yesterday that kind of put things in perspective for me and my post partum depression. Even though this should be common knowledge and I should know better because I’ve been through it once…this simple statement really speaks volumes…”You can’t do it all”.

But, I am the mom and I want to do it all. I have a very hard time asking for help. I’m strong willed and hard headed and I’m not afraid to admit that. I am a controller. I would just rather do things myself, my way, instead of having someone do them for me. It’s how I’ve always been in all aspects of life. Is it right? Probably not. But, I can’t help who I am. I’m working on it. I don’t want my kids to feel this “controller” part of me. Therapy helps with that and she calls me out a lot on this side of my personality.

Back to the positives…

Briar smiles and laughs which is adorable. And when she does, it almost always seems to erase the bad night we had together.

Raelynn absolutely loves Briar. Every day when she gets home from daycare she asks, “Mommy, did she have a good day?!” So far, there has been no hard feelings about having to share her mommy and daddy. But, we also try to give her a lot of attention. Especially since it’s starting to feel nice outside, we go outside and play a lot. We try to interact with her as much as we can before we result to the TV or iPad. So far, I think we’ve done a pretty good job with managing this. Now, I’m not saying we don’t ever use the TV or iPad to give us a break because we most certainly do! We just try to do it in a positive way. We try to make it a reward for us so she doesn’t think she just gets it all the time.

Briar will be 3 months on April 22nd. As each day passes, I feel like we are getting closer to having a happier, sleepier (fingers crossed), baby.

I know both Raelynn and Briar will be strong willed like me, they are already proving it. For that, I am thankful.

Here is a picture of both of them at their 2 month appointment. Raelynn is on top, Briar is on the bottom.

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Here are some pictures of my girls.

And another 6 weeks later…

I’ve been slacking, as expected, just hoped it wouldn’t be another 6 weeks later…

Well, I’m just going to dive right in. These past 6 weeks have been pretty terrible. My thoughts are pretty scattered right now, so I’m sure this post will be too. I apologize in advance.

I am most definitely going through post partum depression again. The realization hit me over the past weekend. I seriously hate this feeling more than anything. Currently, at this moment, I am not in a good place at all.

Picking up where I left off at my last post….I was not getting any sleep, I discovered that Briar probably was allergic to dairy, I was going back to work, I was going to start back at the gym.

Briar is not allergic to dairy, just sensitive to dairy. ¬†I am now dairy free, soy free, and egg free. She got a blood test at her 2 month appointment that tested for the milk protein allergy and it was negative. I have decided to stay dairy free since she had an obvious reaction to dairy. For the most part, it’s not that terrible. I have days where I get really pissed off that I literally have to fix every single one of my meals. There is no “grab and go” when you are dairy/soy/egg free. I was dairy/soy free for around 2-3 weeks and her face was breaking out still. I decided to cut eggs and it seemed to make her face better. I’m still somewhat unsure if she really had a reaction to eggs or not. I plan to reintroduce eggs first to see if she really had a reaction. I won’t reintroduce dairy until she is at least 5 or 6 months old. Hoping she has grown out of her sensitivity by then.

Going back to work and the gym have both been a good thing for me. I thrive on on schedule and routine. Currently, I only have one more week of working part time. I’m so ready to be back to work full time. I’m thankful I was able to slowly ease back into work, but there is too much shit to do and I’m a workaholic, so I’m ready to be back full time.

The most positive thing that has happened in the past 6 weeks is being able to go back to CrossFit. In the beginning, I was so ready to jump back in full force. My body was like, “Hell nah, girl. You just pushed a baby out 6 weeks ago.” I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal, but it was. I have NO CORE. Core is everything for all of the movements I do. I thought I would just be able to jump back in and be able to hit all of my maxes…wrong. I’ve been back in for about 6 weeks and I’m slowly getting stronger. I started out pretty slow, 2-3 days for the first couple of weeks. Then I started 4-5 days a week. Plus, I have a squat rack, barbell, and weights at home, so I’m able to do some strength training at home which has been very key for my recovery. It was very surprising to me, but I could do more in my 9th month of pregnancy than I could at 6, 7, even 8 weeks post partum.¬†But, again, slowly recovering. Very happy to be back.

So, addressing the post partum depression…

Still…not getting any sleep. For almost 3 months, I’ve not got more than 4 hours of sleep at a time.

No sleep has, in my opinion, been the number one factor. I only know what I’ve been through with Raelynn, so all I do is compare. I don’t remember anything about Raelynn’s first 4 months of life except she just cried non stop and hated her life. I don’t remember too much about her sleep patterns. I just know she slept in the bed with us for the first 4 months.

We have tried everything with Briar. We have found some success, but we still have room to improve. She finally started to take to the swaddle. Technically, it’s a Halo Sleep Sack that we got from the hospital, but essentially comparable to a swaddle. Every night at 7pm, I feed her, then swaddle her, then take her to her room, put on white noise, and rock her to sleep in the rocking chair….

Yes, we tried the infamous put the baby down drowsy and let baby soothe herself to sleep. NOPE.

Yes, we even got so desperate for sleep that we tried, cry it out. I’m not a fan of this, but I was desperate for sleep. We tried it for 2 nights. The first night she cried for 2 hours. The second night she cried for 2 1/2 hours. Never stopped. We went in and got her eventually.

So, the rocking her to sleep works for us now. I’ll take it. Once she is asleep, which takes about an hour, I am able to lay her down in her crib. At first she would sleep until 11:00 – 11:30, she gradually made it to midnight, and now she is sleeping until about 1:00 a.m. in her crib. Two nights, she has slept until 2:00 a.m.

Sounds good right? The problem is when she wakes up. She wakes up, I feed her, and sometimes she goes back to sleep, and sometimes she does not. I tried for about 2 weeks to keep her in her crib all night and I was losing so much sleep. So, I decided after her first stretch of sleep, I was going to put her in the bed with us. In my mind, I could at least lay there while she did whatever and I could rest a little bit. For the most part it worked. However, it was not comfortable for myself, Scott, and Briar to all be in bed together. So, Scott and I do not sleep together as of right now which is a whole other issue. We take turns, one of us in the bed, and one of us on the couch. We are able to safely use the couch for Briar to sleep on because we have a huge couch and she’s not rolling, yet, so I feel comfortable with this.

So, when she wakes up, sometimes she able to settle herself, and sometimes she is not. On the nights that she is not able to, it’s terrible. We had a terrible night last night, which prompted me to finish this post because I needed an outlet. I have such a love/hate relationship with the pacifier. When she actually takes it, it soothes and she is able to go to sleep; HOW-FUCKING-EVER….she will not keep that damn thing in her mouth. She will suck a little and then spit it out and then cry. We have tried every pacifier known to mankind and pretty much the only one she likes are MAM pacifier. She goes through this vicious cycle in the middle of the night and she ends up working herself up because she can’t go back to sleep, therefore, is wide awake. It’s so fucking annoying. Like, I’m ready to get rid of the pacifier.

I’m just at a loss. I need her to sleep. I know that will come with time, which is why I’m wishing these newborn months away. I really didn’t want to do that with Briar because I did it with Raelynn. However, I didn’t regret it, and I don’t regret wishing it away now. I need to be sane for myself first, and my family second.

It is so hard for me to find a good balance in life right now. I honestly felt like Briar was going to be different. That I wasn’t going to have to walk down this post partum depression path again. Yet, here I am, with the exact same feelings that I had approximately 2 years ago.

Besides sleep, I am not enjoying much of anything. I don’t want to do anything, I don’t want to leave the house, and I don’t want to have anyone over. This was my realization that I was in the throes of post partum depression already.

Last weekend, Scott asked if I wanted to have some people over for dinner. Without hesitiation, I instantly said no.

Here’s my thought process:

  1. First of all, I was not going to cook dinner at my house and then not be able to eat it. Let’s face it; most normal people on the weekend do not want to eat chicken and vegetables, which is essentially my diet being dairy/soy/egg free.
  2. I was already anticipating the chain of events that would happen through the night.
  3. Come 7:00p.m. I was going to have to be the one that went back to Briar’s room and secluded myself for the hour – hour and a half that it took to feed her.
  4. I was not going to want to entertain anyone after I put Briar to sleep because I was going to want to get ready for bed.
  5. I was going to have to be the one that woke up with her at 1:00a.m. and deal with her antics, whatever they may be for the night.

What part of that sounds like fun? I instantly realized that I was not enjoying things like I should be. That was my epiphany that I was balls deep in post partum depression already. It was not a welcome feeling. I became extremely emotional after this. I just did not want to be in this dark hole again. I had made so much progress, only to take leaps backwards.

There are several social events that are coming up and I’m probably going to stay at home for all of them. I literally just don’t have it in me to participate. I just feeling like I’m losing control of my life right now.

Another issue…my relationship. Things are not terrible; but they are not great either. I don’t really know what I expected this time around. I mean, introducing a newborn into your life is a big deal. I totally get how couples do not make it through kids. It puts major pressure on your relationship. And, Scott is having a really hard time with Briar in general.

We have several different situations right now that we both do not like:

  • Our sleeping situation is that we don’t sleep together right now. I hate this more than anything.
  • I am the only person getting up with Briar each night. Hence, Scott gets a full nights of uninterrupted sleep every single night. I hate this. He seriously does not even hear Briar cry. I am nothing less than amazed by this.
  • Scott only has to worry about Briar from 5:00pm – 7:00pm; which is her extreme fussy time. He has expressed to me that he does not feel connected with her at all right now.
  • Scott gets to not have a care in the world. I feel as though I carry all the burden.
  • Scott gets to enjoy himself and go out with friends. He does not have a hard time detaching from Briar, Raelynn, or myself at all. For me, I’m more so envious and jealous of this. Not mad about it.
  • I feel like he does not acknowledge any of the hard work that I’m putting into this.
  • Scott gets all the time with Raelynn and I practically get zero time with her.

Whenever I realized I was experiencing PPD, I took some time to gather my thoughts and then I had a conversation with Scott afterwards. It was a good, civil conversation. I told him that I didn’t want a pat on the back because I’m doing what any mom would do, but shit, give me a break every once in a while. Like, I’m not the one that has to put Briar to sleep every night. I’m not the one that has to wake up with her every single night. That’s when he told me that he didn’t feel connected with Briar. It made me sad when he said that, but I get it. We both equally agreed that we weren’t enjoying our lives right now. That made me even more sad. We both knew this, but just to vocalize it is a different story.

Here are the positives with Scott and I. We don’t hold anything back. So, whenever we have an issue with each other or just in general, we talk about it. We love each other too much to just let things keep building until we blow up on each other. We love each other too much to just let things go. We love each other so much that we realize we will have many bumps in the road that will test our relationship, but that doesn’t mean we give up. We fight harder. We overcome. And we always do. Which is exactly why Scott and I are perfect for each other.

Hoping for a more positive post the next time around…

 

–The Kentucky Momma

6 weeks later…

I’m not sure why I had the inconceivable idea that I could actually blog during Briar’s first 6 weeks of life. Sounds really optimistic, doesn’t it? I did, however, keep a small journal of notes, feelings, emotions, etc. that I experienced during the first 6 weeks so I could relay them here.

As I hope you have read, Briar was born 2 weeks early. It was somewhat expected because my first, Raelynn, was 2 weeks early. So, I am going to pick up exactly where I left off at with my Week 38 post.

Right after I had Briar, they had some small issues delivered the placenta. Not a huge deal. After about 15 minutes of trying to deliver it with no luck, the hospitalist just reached on up in there and proceeded to dig it out. That was interesting. It didn’t hurt, I could just feel her whole hand inside of me. Guess there is a first time for everything. Once it was delivered, she showed Scott and I, and Scott compared it to an uncooked steak. I suppose that’s why some people dehydrate it and eat it or encapsulate it. No judgment at all, that’s just not for me. After that, she started to stitch me up. They numbed me, but I could feel everything. Halfway through, my doctor finally arrived. She finished me up. It was somewhat of a blessing that we had her in the middle of the night because we had her all to ourselves for several hours before we ever had any visitors. When we actually got into our private room, it was about 2:00 a.m. My adrenaline was still pumping from pushing out a child not even 2 hours ago. I knew there was no way that I was going to get any sleep. Scott, on the other hand, snoring his little heart out on the pullaway bed. It’s hard to sleep anyways with all of the nurses and doctors constantly in and out.

The first day, we didn’t have many visitors, just family. The second day, we mainly had friends. Scott and I convinced all of our doctors and nurses that we should go home on the second day since there were no complications with myself or Briar. They all agreed, so we only had to stay one night in the hospital. We got discharged on Monday around 3:00 p.m. It was just enough time to get home and get settled before Scott had to go pick up Raelynn from daycare.

Our first week home…

Monday, as soon as Raelynn got home, I immediately started feeling all out of sorts, in particular, about Raelynn. I just spent the last two days bonding with Briar, and essentially not seeing Raelynn at all. It was just a whirlwind to have them both together and finally be a mother of two. It was a lot to deal with. I hoped these feelings would go away soon. That night, Briar nursed for 5 hours straight. It was terrible.

Tuesday, I was feeling so tired from no sleep at all. We had a doctor appointment for Briar. She weighed 5.13. Since she was under 6 pounds, they wanted her back on Friday for a weight check.

Wednesday, I was feeling better because Briar had slept a little. My nipples were killing me. They were so sore and the pain was toe curling. As a matter of fact, my whole body hurt.

Thursday morning, I woke up to the chills, literally teeth chattering chills. I had a low grade fever, my whole body ached. I had a mild case of mastitis. My right boob was the size of a basketball. Not joking. I called the doctor and they prescribed some medicine, but I ended up not even taking it. I nursed right through all of it and it was extremely painful. I wanted to cry every time it was time to feed her.

Friday, I felt much better. Briar’s appointment went well, she was up to 5.15. I started having night sweats. OMG terrible…..drenched in sweat from head to toe.

I was very anxious about Saturday and Sunday because it was our first full days with both kids. Throughout the week, we still continued to send Raelynn to daycare. We wanted things to stay as normal for Raelynn as possible. The weekend went well though.

The first week was as good as expected I guess. Notable items – night sweats suck, nursing sucks this week, I only had irrational feelings the first day, after that I felt okay, I didn’t get more than 2-3 hours of sleep at a time all week, but that is expected with a newborn and breastfeeding. Briar slept in our bed all week. We have other options (bassinet, rock n play) that we are going to try next week

Second week home….

Monday, Scott went back to work. Even though I had done it once before, I was dreading ¬†being alone with Briar. Overall, it went well. Briar started cluster feeding again (7-10 day growth spurt) Basically from 5pm – 9pm, nursing every hour, then still getting up every 2-3 hours at night to nurse. Raelynn started acting out today. I don’t think it was because of Briar. I think it’s typical toddler stuff. But, we had lots of spankings and time outs today.

Tuesday, getting really tired. No more than 2 hours of sleep at a time.

Wednesday, I felt like she cluster fed during the day??? I found myself getting really anxious for the first time. I was able to talk myself down though.

Thursday, still no sleep. Up every 2 hours.

Friday, still struggling with sleep at night. She finally goes to sleep around 8pm, then is up at 11pm, 2am, 4am, 6am, 7am, 8am…

Sunday night, getting really frustrated with the 11pm feeding. I feel like she just goes to sleep only to wake up again to eat.

Second week notables – not sleep at all. Still managing to function. Cluster feeding sucks. Being anxious sucks. I JUST WANT SLEEP. She has still been in our bed, by our choice. I’m not sure she liked it though. And she is a very, very loud sleeper. Big grunter

Third week home…

Monday, Tried the bassinet tonight, hated it.

Tuesday, we tried the swaddle and the rock n play for bed time and she slept the first stretch in there and then was back in the bed with us.

Wednesday, hoping growth spurt (2 week spurt) was over with. She slept for a long stretch during the day. I also had therapy today. I took Briar with me. We mainly just talked about how I was feeling (so far, so good) and how things were going. Nothing monumental to report. I also went into work today to talk to HR about my return. Planning on returning after my 6 weeks, part time only. 2-3 days a week for 6 more weeks and then I will go back full time. ¬†Projectile vomited tonight. Completely out of the ordinary for her. Still didn’t think much of it though.

The weekend was not fun. Multiple night wakings. We are trying bedtime between 7pm  and 8pm. Waking between 6-7 times a night. I started experiencing some desperate moments as she would not go right back to sleep.

Week three notables – NO SLEEP SUCKS. Projectile vomit worried me. Only did it the one night though.

Week four home…

She is starting to fall into a good daytime routine. I let her lead. she wakes up from 7am-8am and we TRY to follow eat, wake, sleep. It doesn’t always work, but we try. Nighttime is a different story. We cannot find a constant at all. Nothing seems to work for her. Swaddling is hit or miss, the rock n play is hit or miss, the bassinet can suck it, she’s not comfortable in our bed, up to this point, she still hasn’t taken a pacifier. From 5pm – 7pm – she is becoming colicky. Nothing compared to Raelynn, it’s just frustrating for both Scott and I.

I kept Raelynn and Briar home by myself for the first time this Friday. They both had doctor appointments. They both went well. Raelynn weighed 26.8 pounds and Briar weighed 8.6 pounds. Keeping both of them went better than expected. I actually really enjoyed having Raelynn at home with Briar and I.

With a month of no more than 2-3 hours of sleep at a time and some nights, no more than 2-3 hours of sleep PERIOD, I needed a break. I told Scott that us two and Raelynn should go have dinner somewhere without Briar. It was nice to just have us three together. Plus, we both want to have times with just Raelynn. We went to dinner and then went and had ice cream. I had mentioned to Scott that I thought when Briar projectile vomited, it could have been because I ate cereal that day (not sure of timing). I am not a big dairy eater so it just kind of stood out to me. I chose to eat the ice cream anyways and see what happened. Well, she projectile vomited everywhere again almost instantly after ¬†I had the ice cream. So I quickly came to the conclusion that Briar was allergic to dairy. I do not eat big dairy items, so I decided to do the elimination diet. But I also decided that I would eliminate the hidden dairy as well. From everything I had read it would take 2-3 weeks for the dairy to get completely out of my system and it could also be the reason for Briar’s consistent waking at night. Essentially I decided to follow the paleo diet. I very loosely followed it before I got pregnant, but I figured now is the time to do it hardcore. It also goes hand in hand with CrossFit, so it’s a win win for me.

Week four notables – no consistent sleep for me is killing me. It’s all starting to catch up. Really desperate to find some type of night time routine for Briar with my return to work fastly approaching. I realize it’s not going to happen in a week.

Week five home…my last full week home…

I started the dairy free diet this week. It’s going okay so far, just a lot of meat and vegetables. I feel like I cook vegetables about every 2 days.

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday I slept on the couch with Briar on my chest. Nothing else is working. I don’t get much sleep, but it’s better than nothing. She completely said FUCK your bed and FUCK the rock n play. A couple of nights she was awake for several hours at a time. I was finally reaching my desperate stage. I was feeling so anxious and overwhelmed. I just needed sleep. I was thinking not so great thoughts. **Disclaimer, no babies were harmed** But, all I really wanted to do was swing her by her feet into the wall. Obviously that solved nothing because then she would just more more awake and cry a lot more, but I was over it. Badly over it. Thursday, I finally got four whole hours of sleep, thanks to Scott. I climbed in bed with Scott around 3am and he cuddled up with me and I just started crying. I missed him and us and sleep and just being normal. I know this newborn stage doesn’t last long, but I am just over it.

This week, we also somewhat successfully got her to take a pacifier. We have been trying for about 2 weeks now with no luck, but she finally took one. And now it’s hit or miss. Sometimes it works for her and sometimes it doesn’t. Why am I not surprised.

It’s now the weekend and I am preparing to go back to work. I am starting to feel a bit overwhelmed with everything I have to do. I need to make sure I have enough food for the week, I need to remember my pump, I need to remember my computer, I need clothes that fit; which let’s be honest, isn’t happening, is Briar going to follow the schedule that we started? What if she doesn’t? OMG no sleep and now I have to go back to work.

BUT, I also get to start the gym again which I am super excited about. I need the gym so badly. I do need work also. I need adult interaction and I need to something to get my mind off my kids all day long. I need to feel useful. Work does all that for me. I am only starting back part time. I will be there a full day Monday, a half day Wednesday, and a half day.

Here are some pictures from the first 6 weeks. She looks so sweet and innocent because all she is doing is sleeping….

So that pretty much sums up the first 6 weeks. Pray for us, y’all. This momma needs sleep…..

 

–The Kentucky Momma