Yesterday I had such a great doctor appointment in terms of progress.
I couldn’t believe I was 4cm dilated.
That was so big for me. When my appointment was over, I went home and cleaned the entire house hoping to bring on my labor. I was left with nothing but exhaustion. I went to bed around 10:00 p.m. that night.
Around 12:00 a.m. on May 9, I woke up to some mild contractions.
It was nothing serious and I was dozing off in between them. I knew better than to say anything to Scott because he would freak out. Plus, I knew this didn’t truly mean anything. I knew these type of contractions could last for DAYS. I was hoping hours, but I also just a feeling this had the potential to be a long labor. At this point, I didn’t even really consider myself to be in labor.
I was very unsettled for the next couple of hours. Even though I was dozing off in between the contractions, they were still waking me up often.
Around 3:00 a.m. I felt my contractions getting stronger.
I sat up in the bed and Scott immediately woke up. He asked if I was okay and I told him that I was having contractions. He asked if we needed to call his mom to come down to the house to stay with the girls, and I told him not yet. I wanted to make sure this was going to be the real thing.
Yesterday, my doctor told me if I felt even a twinge of a contraction that I needed to go to the hospital. Given my history of fast labors, she explained to me that I could have a couple of contractions and go from a 4 to an 8 in a matter of minutes. I relayed that message to Scott and he was instantly scared. He just kept saying over and over that he didn’t want to deliver her on the side of the interstate.
OKAY…and I want to give birth on the side of the interstate? UH, NO.
Point being, he was super scared that we wouldn’t make it to the hospital in time so he was rushing me to make a decision.
In the midst of talking to him, there was a knock on the bedroom door followed by,
“I’M READY TO GET UPPPPPP.”
WHAT THE HELL?
My kids literally never wake up in the middle of the night. I was so confused. I opened the door and Briar was wide-eyed, wrapped up in her blankie ready to start the day. I picked her up and then I instantly heard crying from their room.
WHAT THE HELL?
Raelynn was crying in their room. I walked in there, while still holding Briar, while having contractions, and asked what was wrong and she was half asleep and half awake. The only thing I got out of her was Briar woke her up. I told her it was okay, to calm down, and to go back to sleep because it wasn’t time to get up yet. I laid Briar down in her bed and told her the same thing essentially and they went back to sleep.
WHAT THE HELL?
It was seriously the weirdest thing. I felt like Briar in particular knew something was going on.
After I got them settled, I told Scott it was time to go to the hospital. He called his mom and she was at our house in 10 minutes. We finished packing the hospital bags and off we went.
My contractions were by no means terrible. I could walk through them, I could talk through them. On a scale of 1-10, maybe a 3 in terms of pain.
When I got to the hospital and checked in, I was put in the triage room.
All the memories from Briar came flooding back that I almost delivered her in the triage room.
It was really weird to know that when I checked in with Briar, I was at 4cm and I was having some seriously awful contractions. And all day yesterday and I guessed today, I was at 4cm and I was functioning perfectly fine. I was curious to know where I was now.
As soon as I could, I advocated for myself and told them that I had planned on doing this naturally, I didn’t want to be bound to my bed, and I didn’t want an IV hooked up to me.
They were all okay with it.
She finally checked me and I was 5cm dilated.
I couldn’t believe it. I was half way there. I was so happy to be this far along with very little pain. Even though I knew it was inevitable that my pain would increase, I was hoping it would be smooth sailing from here.
The delivery nurse came in and asked if we were ready to go to the delivery room and we happily obliged. My contractions were still fairly okay at this point. Maybe a 4 on the pain scale.
I was able to walk to the delivery room which was at the very end of hall.
They must’ve intuitively known that I was going to be screaming and yelling in a couple of hours…
As soon as I got in that room, it was go time.
I asked the nurse for a birthing ball and I told Scott to go turn on the shower. I just knew that I needed to start moving to get this labor progressing.
I got on the ball for a little bit. Just bounced up and down. I had my forearms on the bed. I have no idea how long I was on there. Then, I just decided it was time to go to the shower.
The shower was overall disappointing. I like my showers hot and with a lot of pressure. This was really neither. It was warmish and pressure was shit. I knew I just had to deal with it.
I stood in the shower for literally almost 2 hours.
I only know the timing of this because Scott told me. Because I wanted to give birth unmedicated, they had to hook me up to monitors every 40 minutes for 20 minutes. So, I had 40 minutes without monitors and then 20 minutes with monitors. The good thing is, I didn’t have to get out of the shower.
Within the 2 hours in the shower, my contractions migrated to my back and in my legs.
They were no longer in my stomach at all. Seriously, zero contractions in my stomach. It was weird. I mainly stood there and let the water hit my back, occasionally turning around and letting the water hit my stomach. Also, as the water hit my back, I found myself holding on to the shower rod and arching my back. It seemed to help, so I went with it. There was a bench in the shower and I eventually had to sit down for a little bit only because I was tired of standing.
I wouldn’t necessarily consider myself a modest person, but I’m also not one to just walk around naked. Well, today was the day that I let it all hang out. I didn’t care who saw what.
When the nurses came in to hook up monitoring for 20 minutes I just pulled the shower curtain back and was like, “Here you go, have fun.”
Scott came to check on me near the end of the 2 hours because he heard me start to make some noise. Just breathing harder mainly. He asked if my contractions were picking up and I told him yes.
After 2 hours in the shower, I was ready to get out because I was tired of standing, but I was also scared to get out because the shower was working for the moment, but I wasn’t really moving much. I was swaying back and forth in the shower, but that was about it.
I got out, dried off, put the hospital gown on and went straight back to the ball. I had Scott give me three pillows and stacked them on the bed and laid my forearms and head on the pillows and bounced on the ball.
The nurse told me she needed to check me because my doctor wanted to go do some other things first, but she wanted to make sure I wasn’t too far along yet. I asked the nurse to try and check me on the ball because I did not want to get on the bed. She said she would try. I kind of leaned back for her and she was able to do it. I was 7cm.
I was both happy and sad. I was happy I was progressing but sad I wasn’t further along for the amount of time that I had already been in labor. My pain was definitely a 7 or 8 at this point.
I remember thinking to myself that I wanted an epidural at this point.
Even though I only had 3 more centimeters to go, I was so tired and in so much pain.
I continued to bounce on the ball and my contractions were getting extremely worse. One thing I remember reading a couple of weeks ago was to keep your hands open and your jaw soft. If you tense up certain parts of your body during contractions, it will cause other parts of your body to tense up and make your contractions even worse. I put all my focus into that.
Every time I felt a contraction come on, I made sure my hands were wide open on the pillows in front of me and my jaw was soft or open. I made sure that I wasn’t making fists or clenching my jaw shut. Whether or not it actually helped, I have no idea, but I just know I was trying my hardest to focus on something other than the pain from my contractions.
Scott kept trying to talk to me and I couldn’t respond.
It’s not that I didn’t want to, but I actually couldn’t respond.
I couldn’t talk. If I spoke everything hurt and I found that I lost focus. I remember I just kept shaking my head no to everything he said.
At some point when I was on the ball, I found myself starting to cuss during every contraction.
I knew I was in transition at this point. I had been diligently waiting for this moment because I knew it wouldn’t be much longer until I had Jolee. Transition is the shortest part of labor, but the most painful. It’s the part of labor where you are 8cm-10cm dilated. It normally last anywhere from minutes to two hours.
I have no idea why, but I decided to get up when one of my contractions was over and I felt all the pressure to push. I told the nurse she needed to call the doctor because it was time to push.
I was leaned over the side of the bed when I officially lost all control. I had a contraction and I was screaming at the top of my lungs.
Everything hurt. Nothing was working. I was done. I was so over it.
Minutes later, my doctor walked in and was suited up to deliver.
Thank you, Jesus.
She told me she needed to check me, but at that moment I had another contraction.
I didn’t know what to do with my body anymore. It literally brought me to my knees on the floor.
When it was over, I got up and got in the bed. I told her to hurry because another one was coming. She checked me and I was 9 cm and the baby was still sunny side up.
Sunny side up in not an optimal position for pushing. It’s perfectly okay to give birth to babies sunny side up, but it’s extremely painful.
I remember trying to cry at this point, but it was like a fake toddler cry, you know the one where they just make noise, but there aren’t any tears? I couldn’t make tears come out, but I wanted them too.
I just wanted her out of me.
My doctor suggested that I get on my hands and knees on the bed and work through a couple of contractions this way. This could potentially help her turn. I agreed to do this. As soon as I got on my hands and knees, a contraction immediately came on.
I felt like if there was any moment that I could have died from pain, it could have been in this moment right here.
During this contraction, I felt her turn inside of me. It was absolutely awful. Also, my body was trying to push her out.
The doctor told me to turn over so she could check me again and she told me I was at a 10 and ready to push. I was so uncomfortable. I remember before I turned over to push, I ripped off my hospital gown. I was so hot. I didn’t want anything touching me.
Talk about really not giving a fuck. In this moment it was the epitome of I do not give a fuck about anything.
She told me with the next contraction to push. Scott grabbed one leg, and the nurse grabbed the other and they proceeded to push them all the way back to my chest basically. I pushed and it was so, so, so awful. I could feel her head start to come out, but that was about it.
I was screaming and yelling at the top of my lungs. I had totally lost my shit.
The contraction stopped, I stopped pushing, and I sat there and rest until the next one came on.
With the next contraction, shit got really real.
I was ready to push and as I was pushing my water broke everywhere. Scott had to jump out of the way or else it would have gotten all over him. I continued pushing and I remember the nurse literally ramming my leg back as far as it would go and Scott followed her lead. I was pushing so hard. And I was screaming so loud.
My entire body came off the bed as I was pushing. I could feel her coming out. Finally.
In the moment, I wasn’t aware of this, but she came out facing my left leg. So she hadn’t completely turned. I felt the doctor grab her and pull her the rest of the way out and it hurt like a bitch. I found out after the fact that when she was pulling her out, she was turning her at the same time and that’s why it hurt so bad.
As soon as she was out and they put her on my chest, I just kept saying, “Thank you, Jesus, it’s over.” over and over and over again.
I was so happy that I was no longer pregnant.
I was so happy she was out of me. I was so happy I would never have to give birth ever again.
I was so happy that Jolee was finally here.
When I finally gathered my composure, I looked at Scott and he was crying. Ugh. This man. He’s so sweet. I honestly thought I might cry with her being my last, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I was so overwhelmed with being happy that I was no longer in labor and she was here.
As soon as Scott realized that I was okay and Jolee was okay, his first words to me were, “Your water broke everywhere. You almost ruined my good Sperry’s.”
Jolee Kae Tower. 5/9/2019. 8 pounds 6 ounces. 19 inches. 9:53 a.m.