With the exception of a couple people, Scott and I decided that we were going to wait even longer than normal to tell everyone that we were pregnant, which just makes things so difficult.
So far, we have told my parents, his parents, his grandparents, 3 friends, and my CrossFit coaches. I would say it would remain at this for a while. Whenever we decide to tell Raelynn, that’s when everyone will know. Raelynn will not be able to keep it a secret. That’s why we haven’t told her yet. And I honestly don’t know when we will tell her.
She still randomly asks about the last miscarriage.
We told her about that one after we went to the doctor and had an ultrasound picture. She very much understood what was going on; that there was a baby in my belly.
She did not understand why it wasn’t there anymore. We had zero idea how to answer these questions. We just simply said it’s not there anymore. She kept saying she wanted a little brother. As time went on she asked about it less and less, but it would still catch me off guard when she would ask. She’s too smart.
So we are going to wait for the foreseeable future to say anything to her. It’s almost one year later and I think she would understand even more now if something were to go wrong. And the very last thing I want is to see her sad or upset.
I started to feel a little better this week.
Which makes me really nervous. Just this past Monday in week 8, I told Scott that I was convinced I was never going to get better. I felt like shit all day long. Just gross and nauseous.
Then, the very next day, I felt better. It was the best that I had felt in a while.
My symptoms had almost done a 180. My energy wasn’t fully back, but the gross, nasty, nauseous feeling was gone for the most part.
I am trying so hard to remain positive, but I’m still waiting on something bad to happen.
I just seriously don’t know when and if I will ever feel any relief. I just want to be able to breathe and relax.
In regards to CrossFit, I decided that my 6:00 a.m. class was no longer doable.
Not only for right now, but for long term.
My body seriously cannot do 6:00 a.m. right now for obvious reasons. The past two weeks I have been slacking off and I’ve just not been happy about being absent at CrossFit. It’s the only thing that keeps me halfway sane right now so I knew something had to change.
Not only can my body not handle it right now, but what about after the baby? There was no way in hell that I was going to wake up at 4:30 in the morning to pump, then get ready, then get my life together to go to CrossFit. It’s just not even possible. And I’d rather acknowledge it now and try to get my shit together as opposed to trying to figure it out later.
So, I developed a solution. Different class times, but that also meant a slightly different work schedule. I proposed it to my boss and he agreed. He knows how important this is to me, so he quickly obliged. It feels good to be supported.
This week was the first week that I did not attend CrossFit at all. I felt like a big piece of shit for not going. But I’m hoping my new schedule will help motivate me.