The day of my doctor appointment, I was actually off work. Briar had a well check that morning, then I had my appointment, and then I had a massage scheduled for a little later in the day. While I waited for my massage, I asked Scott to go to lunch with me so I could fill him in on the doctor appointment.
When we sat down, I just started talking and crying and giving all of the what-if scenarios and I felt like I didn’t stop talking/crying/blubbering for about 15 minutes straight. When I finally stopped, he looked at me, and with absolute calmness and sincerity, said, “You need to chill out. I realize you are going through a lot right now, but we have to handle this one thing at a time.” Obviously, I knew he was right, but my mind couldn’t stop racing. I knew we needed to take this one step at a time. It was just hard. Even as I sit here and write this, I can instantly go back to that day, sitting at the table with Scott and feeling my mind racing, my heart racing, the tears on my face. It’s just so much to handle. It’s so much to take in.
And all I wanted to hear was that I wasn’t pregnant. Touche.
The next day, Friday, rolled around and my anxiety was super high all day. I was supposed to get the results of my HCG levels this afternoon. I tried to be productive all day to keep my mind off things. But my phone remained glued to me all day; constantly glancing at it to see if I had missed the call. Finally, while I was in an afternoon meeting, my phone rang. I about flipped out of my chair trying to walk out of the conference room to answer my phone in time. It was the OB Nurse. “Hi Keisha, I’m just calling to let you know that your HCG levels are 243. So we will need you to come back next week to get your blood drawn again.” My heart sank. All I could manage to get out was a measly, “Okay.”
At this point, I’m beyond frustrated. All of the waiting. All of the poking and prodding. I’m just so ready to move on. I just feel like this is never ending. My HCG levels of 243 really mean nothing. I don’t know what they were before, but I’m assuming they were much higher. I have now been educated that it can take 4-6 weeks for your HCG levels to return to 0. Basically, I will have to go back weekly until my levels return to 0. So for the next week, I am wishfully thinking they will drop to 0, but if anything, I’m just hoping they drop. I will probably lose my mind if they don’t drop. When I went through my second miscarriage, they dropped to 0 in less that 48 hours, so I didn’t have to go through this mess. But, I was a lot further along this time, so I guess it makes sense.
Until next week, maybe??
–The Kentucky Momma