Divorce

I’ve tried to write this post a couple of times and I end up backspacing everything or just deleting the whole damn post..

I normally post about my crazy life, my crazy kids, my crazy self. I feel like I’m allowed to talk about those things and say whatever I want because it’s my life.

I want to talk about other people’s lives. My friend’s lives.

My friend group is HUGE.

Some of us have been friends since elementary school and middle school, but we have all been friends since high school. I love it. We’ve experienced so many things together. In the past 10-15 years we have went through some monumental shit.

We graduated high school.

Some moved away for college, some stayed here.

The ones that moved away came back and it was like we never missed a beat.

We watched our friends get engaged.

We were all apart of everyone’s marriages.

We bought houses and apartments.

We were all there whenever everyone had their first kid and second kid

…and now…

we get to go through another milestone in life. Unfortunately, it’s not a pleasant one.

It’s divorce.

I never thought divorce would happen within my friends group. I guess I lived in a fairy tale world, or wanted to anyways. I wanted all my friends to stay together forever. Statistically, I should have known that wouldn’t be the case.

divorce

In 2017, we had multiple couples that got a divorce. And it has definitely drawn a line in sand between within my friends group. 

I have been friends with these girls since elementary school. We had moments where we were good friends, and we had moments where we didn’t talk for literally 3-5 years. Nothing bad happened to make us not talk.

Life happened.

And then we would reconnect and it was like we never missed a beat. I wish more people realize that friendship works this way.

You don’t have to be in constant contact with someone and know every little detail of everyone’s life in order to be friends. To me, these girls are still my friends, and they will always remain my friends. They married guys that went to school with all of us. So everyone knew everyone. I was friends with both of the guys as well.

Divorce is hard for people to comprehend.

Infidelity is hard for people to comprehend. Just simply growing apart is hard for people to understand. But no one owes me or anyone any explanation. It’s their life and they can do what they please with it. Life is about making mistakes and learning from them.

I actually ended up talking to my therapist about this because it bothered me so bad.

One, I still couldn’t believe my friends were going through this. I hated it for both sides, the guys and the girls.

Two, I hated that this caused a divide in our group of friends.

I told my therapist that a lot of people were really having a lot of opinions on one couples divorce because, he was such a good guy. “How could she cheat on him when he was such a good guy?” He truly is one of the best guys ever. He would give a stranger the shirt off his back. He would give a stranger $100,000 if he had it. So, why would she do this to him? My friends just could not understand it.

Not that I needed the therapist to solidify anything for me but she basically told me that when she sees infidelity in any relationship, there is normally an event or a number of events that leads up to it. Very rarely does it happen, “just because”.

Does this mean the guy wasn’t really a good guy? Nope.

It just meant that I wasn’t married to him and I have no idea what type of husband he was.

It means that I was not a part of their marriage, therefore I have no right to make assumptions.

It means that they were not right for each other, so they got a divorce in order to be happy. Initially, I would assume that everyone was sad and couldn’t believe divorce was happening to them. But I would also assume, that it happened for a reason unbeknownst to me and my now divorced friends are seemingly happy. And to me, that’s all that really matters.

I’m not making excuses for anyone.

Do I agree with infidelity? Nope.

But, does my girlfriend need me or anyone to tell her that we don’t agree with her decisions? Nope.

How do people just grow apart?

How do people just stop trying in their relationship?

It’s human nature. It just happens. 

We’ve all fucked up at some point in our lives. No one is perfect.

I read an article today that prompted this post. If you don’t feel like reading it, I’ll sum it up.

Basically if you are not happy and you are not doing anything about it, it’s your own damn fault.

Divorce may not make sense to anyone right now, especially to us that are happy in relationships and ESPECIALLY to us that have divorced parents. We see how negative divorce can be. All of my divorced friends have moved on now. And they are seemingly happy. The majority have already moved on and have another partner. Good for them, the guys and the girls. No one deserves to be unhappy and alone.

These divorces are still very fresh and it’s hard for people to comprehend them, but in even 1 year, will anyone be concerned with this? I sure as hell hope not.