I’ve tried to write this post a couple of times and I end up backspacing everything or just deleting the whole damn post. I think because it’s something out of the ordinary. You know, I normally post about my crazy life, my crazy kids, my crazy self. I feel like I’m allowed to talk about those things and say whatever I want because it’s my life.
I want to talk about other people’s lives. My friend’s lives.
My friend group is huge. Some of us have been friends since elementary school and middle school, but we have all been friends since high school. I love it. We’ve experienced so many things together. In the past 10-15 years we have went through some monumental shit. We graduated high school. Some moved away for college, some stayed here. The majority of us graduated college around the same time. The ones that moved away came back and it was like we never missed a beat. Regardless, we would go visit them at college, so it wasn’t like we didn’t see them for 4 years. Anyways…we watched our friends get engaged, we were all apart of everyone’s marriages, we bought houses and apartments, we were all there whenever everyone had their first kid and second kid…and now…we get to go through another milestone in life. Unfortunately, it’s not a pleasant one. It’s divorce. I never thought divorce would happen. I guess I lived in a fairy tale world, or wanted to anyways. I wanted all my friends to stay together forever. Statistically, I should have known that wouldn’t be the case.
In 2017, 2 couples got a divorce. And I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t drawn a line in the sand between my friends.
To make a very long story short….I have been friends with both of the girls since elementary school. We had moments where we were good friends, and we had moments where we didn’t talk for literally 3-5 years. Nothing bad happened to make us not talk. Life happened. And then we would reconnect and it was like we never missed a beat. I wish more people realize that friendship works this way. You don’t have to be in constant contact with someone and know every little detail of everyone’s life in order to be friends. To me, these girls are still my friends, and they will always remain my friends. They married guys that went to school with all of us. So everyone knew everyone. I was friends with both of the guys as well. More so one than the other, but that doesn’t really make a difference.
For one couple, they grew apart over time and stopped trying. My girlfriend personally told me she stopped trying because she was done with it. It just wasn’t working out for multiple reasons.
For the other couple, they split, in my opinion for a multitude of reasons, but the tipping point for them, was my girlfriend started seeing someone else.
Divorce is hard for people to comprehend. Infidelity is hard for people to comprehend. Just simply growing apart is hard for people to understand. But no one owes me or anyone any explanation. It’s their life and they can do what they please with it. Life is about making mistakes and learning from them.
I actually ended up talking to my therapist about this because it bothered me so bad. For one, I still couldn’t believe my friends were going through this. I hated it for both sides, the guys and the girls. For two, I hated that this caused a divide in our group of friends. I told my therapist that a lot of people were really having an issue with couple 2 because, he was such a good guy. “How could she cheat on him when he was such a good guy?” He truly is one of the best guys ever. He would give a stranger the shirt of his back. He would give a stranger $100,000 if he had it. So, why would she do this to him? My friends just could not understand it.
Not that I needed the therapist to solidify anything for me but she basically told me that when she sees infidelity in any relationship, there is normally an event or a number of events that leads up to it. Very rarely does it happen, “just because”. Does this mean the guy wasn’t really a good guy? Nope. It just meant that I wasn’t married to him and I have no idea what type of husband he was. It means that I was not a part of their marriage, therefore I have no right to make assumptions. It means that they were not right for each other, so they got a divorce in order for everyone to be happy. Initially, I would assume that everyone was sad and couldn’t believe divorce was happening to them. But I would also assume, that it happened for a reason unbeknownst to me and my friends now seem happy. And to me, that’s all that really matters.
I’m not making excuses for anyone. Do I agree with infidelity? Nope. But, does my girlfriend need me or anyone to tell her that we don’t agree with her decisions? Nope. How do people just grow apart? How do people just stop trying in their relationship? It’s human nature. It just happens. Guess what, we’ve all fucked up one way or another…We are all adults…and no one is perfect.
I read an article today that prompted this post. If you don’t feel like reading it, I’ll sum it up. Basically if you are not happy and you are not doing anything about it, it’s your own damn fault. Divorce may not make sense to anyone right now, especially to us that are happy in relationships and ESPECIALLY to us that have divorced parents. We see how negative divorce can be. All four of my friends have moved on now. And they are seemingly happy. The majority have already moved on and have another partner. Good for them, the guys and the girls. No one deserves to be unhappy and alone. These divorces are very fresh and it’s hard for people to comprehend them, but in even 1 year, will anyone be concerned with this? I sure as hell hope not.
I’m making resolutions this year. I never do this. And it will be based on this article because it had a real effect on me…
Until next time…
–The Kentucky Momma