To My First Born…

I’m all in my feelings lately with a lot of things. So here is this…

To my first born, Raelynn…

I love you.

I love every piece of you. My heart exploded when you entered this world. I had no idea what I was in for. I am learning a lot being a mom. More than I ever bargained for. More than I ever asked for.

I feel the need to say, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. I had no idea how to be a mom. I read ALL the books. And I did ALL the research. Nothing prepared me for motherhood.

You allowed me to learn. You tried to help me. In the beginning, I ignored a lot of signs. I ignored what felt natural because I simply did not know what to do.  When you cried for me, I just wanted to sit you down. I couldn’t console you. Nothing I did worked. I felt like a failure. You cried in my arms. You cried in the swing. You cried everywhere.

A couple of months in, we finally figured things out. But I regret a lot of things.

I regret not holding you more. I regret getting so frustrated with you. I do not regret, but I hate that my career didn’t work out so I could stay at home with you.

I really, really regret not holding you more.

I regret that NOTHING went as planned. Not a single thing. Not even how you entered this world.

But, from the moment you entered this world. My life has FOREVER changed for the better.

Over the past three years, I have watched you blossom into an amazing human being.

Thank you for being my first born.

Thank you for being my daughter.

Thank you for making me a mom.

No one else will ever be able to do what you’ve done for me.

I love you, Rae Rae.

Keish-31

 

 

 

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