I’m having a very emotional time right now. It’s a combination of lack of sleep and potential back labor. Week 37 is not officially complete yet, but I felt compelled to write, so here I am.
I’m going through the reoccurring thoughts of Raelynn no longer being an only child. It’s hard. Every time I look at her this week I think to myself that any day now, she’s not going to be the baby anymore. She’s going to be the big sister. And I’m going to have a new baby. How am I ever going to love another child as much as I love Raelynn? How am I ever going to find the time to dedicate myself equally to two children. I’m not, and I know that. And that’s scary to me. I don’t ever want Raelynn to feel left out or that Briar is better than her because she is the new baby. I know I’m not the only mother in the world that has ever felt these thoughts about bringing a second child into the world, but it sucks. The thoughts and feelings that I’m having suck.
I’m also 10000% petrified of labor. Even though I have been through it before, I guess, because I know what to expect, I’m absolutely dreading it. I know in the end, I will get to meet Briar, but the whole labor process absolutely scares the shit out of me. So much can go wrong; but so much can go right. It can take literally forever, or it can take literally 5 minutes. As it gets closer, I find myself waking up in the middle of the night literally freaking out about it.
I have still been waking up pretty consistently from 2:00 a.m. – 4:00 a.m. about every other night. It’s exhausting because then I’m essentially useless the next day. And the last thing I need to be right now is useless. I still have so much crap to do at home.
Early this morning, 1/19, I woke up at my normal time. Normal time = 2:00 a.m.; I got up to pee, I laid back down, only to find myself wide awake. As normal… All this week, I have had very inconsistent contractions in the middle of the night. They are ranging from my stomach, lower abdomen, and lower back. It is by no means terrible, but definitely there. It seems to be the only time that I am having them is in the middle of the night when I’m laying down. But today, they continued after I woke up. Particularly in my lower back. I didn’t have back labor with Raelynn so I have no idea what it feels like. My one friend that has been a good support system for me about trying to go all natural again had back labor so I texted her this morning asking about it. Basically what I described to her was a dull pain in my back that wasn’t going away. Again, not terrible, but not going away. She agreed that was what her back labor felt like. She said it lasted until transition for her. That was pretty scary for me. I can’t explain it, but it just was. I told Scott all of this, and his main concern was how am I going to know when to go to the hospital if my water didn’t break? I told him that I would just know. For him, it was much easier to comprehend whenever my water broke, we knew it was just time to go.
So, with the lack of sleep and then this back pain, I’m just out of sorts today. You know, being awake for 2 hours in the middle of the night is not ideal and my brain just runs over and over and over.
In other 37 week news…
This past Saturday, we had a diaper party and acquired SO MANY diapers. Seriously, I highly recommend having one of these.
Saturday we also stocked up on grocery’s. I am hoping that it was our last trip before Briar. We stocked up on everything from toiletries, paper products, dog food, people food, etc. I used this blog as a guide. I didn’t use everything on this list, but it was certainly a good guide. Pre Stock Up before Baby I used the same list with Raelynn too.
Sunday, Scott got all closets together. Thank goodness! He had started on Briar’s last week and made huge progress, but it wasn’t finished until this week. The hall closet is now finished as well. I sewed another crib sheet as a back up. It was very useful for us to have two with Raelynn so I wanted to have two with Briar. Scott also got almost all of the baby stuff down from the garage, now it was just up to me to go through everything and get it together.
So…all in all, we had a VERY productive weekend. I was very happy with the progress we made.
This past weekend, we also had Raelynn in only actual cotton panties with the exception of her nap and night time and she had no accidents. She has been doing so good with even pooping on the potty. We are ecstatic. I had proposed to her daycare that we switch her to panties only at daycare and then I retracted my statement because she is still on her antibiotic from last week and it’s causing major pooping issues. Not really issues, just pooping a lot. So we decided to wait until next week when the antibiotic is out of her system. So, hopefully we have a good follow up report next week!
In other pregnancy news, I am still not sleeping well, as stated above. And, something new, I am swelling. My legs, ankles, and feet are swelling. I didn’t do this with Raelynn. I happened to look down at work one day this week and thought, oh shit, my ankles are definitely swollen.
I had an OB appointment on Wednesday and everything was fine. I was 1 cm dilated and barely effaced. Lately, after I get checked, I have been feeling pretty crampy and just plain shitty. Same story yesterday. After my appointment I had a couple of errands that I needed to run and I just wasn’t feeling it.
It’s just been a weird week.
CrossFit this week…
Tuesday, January 17
Strength – I was having a lot of pelvic pressure today, so I just did push jerks instead of split jerks – worked up to 100#, surprisingly.
(pause 2 secs in receiving position of split)
5×2 @ 50%, 60%, 70%
MetCon – I did not do a partner workout – I turned this into a 15 EMOM. 10 push presses and 5 squats. I worked for about 20-30 seconds and I was able to rest 30-40 seconds. It was a good workout. I needed it.
Partner1: 10 push press #75/55
*push press cannot start until other partner is doing burpees
Until next week…
–The Kentucky Momma