9 WEEKS LEFT
I had an OB appointment this week. I was very excited to go and see what they had to say about Briar’s position. Over the prior weekend, I had felt better, and I even felt her in my ribs a little bit, but I tend to overthink and make my mind think things that don’t really happen, so I tried to not get too excited. But, I kept thinking to myself that I really thought she had turned.
The OB confirmed it, she really had turned.
I couldn’t believe it. Although I can’t say for sure, I really and truly think that it was due to me doing the handstands. It was the only thing I had changed. I had read all of these horror stories about feeling your baby turn and you will never forget that moment because it was so painful.
I had a friend who’s baby had been breech and she successfully turned her. She said she didn’t feel her baby turn, so I was hoping that would happen for me. And it did. So that made me happy. Now, I just hoped she would stay this way.
Besides that, everything else was good. These doctor appointments are quick. They check the heartbeat, the feel around, and then you are on your way. I was happy everything was okay.
In the midst of all the happiness, there was also some sadness.
December 7th was the one year anniversary of the loss of the third baby.
One year ago was really terrible. We were in the middle of selling our house; technically the house was sold and we were getting ready to move out. We were moving in with Scott’s parents. I had the miscarriage at work. The day I had the miscarriage, we had internal auditors there and I had to leave to go to the ER.
Then, I was in work the next day and didn’t skip a beat. I did not deal with the loss of that baby until months later. I didn’t tell hardly anyone when it actually happened. There was just a lot going on in life. I say one year ago was terrible, and it was, but we were going through huge changes.
The majority were positive, but then there was this huge negative of losing yet another baby. My consuming thought this time was the thought of not being able to give Raelynn a sibling. It literally broke my heart. We wanted another baby and we wanted them to be close in age. That was always our plan. And now, our plan was going to shit. It sucked. Really bad.
Fast forward to the current year…here we are…expecting Raelynn’s little sister and she appears to be a healthy little baby.
Just like that, our prayers had been answered.
The Lord truly does work in strange ways. I don’t question. I just accept and reflect.
In other news, it’s getting close to Christmas time now. Which is my least favorite holiday. I despise Christmas. I have divorced parents and divorced grandparents so it’s a constant battle to allocate enough time with everyone and make everyone happy.
I swore whenever I had kids that I was not going to do all of this traveling from house to house and spend 2 hours here and 2 hours there. Since I’ve had Raelynn, we have definitely moved things around, and it’s better, but it’s still not ideal. My ideal Christmas day is not leaving my house all day long. One day, maybe when I’m old at 104 years old that will happen, but it will happen.
We haven’t decorated for Christmas in three years.
The first year we didn’t, I was dealing with the loss of the twins.
The second year we didn’t, I was dealing with the emotions of postpartum depression and Raelynn’s colic.
The third year, last year, we lived with Scott’s parents and they decorated, but it just wasn’t the same.
So, I told Scott this year if we were really going to decorate, then we were going to get a whole new tree and make it pretty and matchy and if we were going to decorate outside, we were going to make it pretty, and if we were going to decorate inside, we were going to make it pretty. No half ass shit.
A couple of weeks ago, we went and bought all new decorations. I was hoping it was going to get me in the Christmas spirit this year.
My main goal is to not pass my hatred of Christmas onto my kids.
Christmas is such an amazing holiday and I want them to enjoy it. I wanted to start traditions with Raelynn that she could carry onto her kids. I wanted to watch Christmas movies and enjoy being cuddled up on the couch with my family. The fact that I WANTED to do these things was a glimmer of hope for me. I was hoping this was the year that I was really, truly going to enjoy Christmas.
Working out is getting progressively harder. I have pretty much cut back to 3 times a week, and I’m okay with that. At least I’m moving. CrossFit this week:
Monday December 5th
Strength
3 position snatch:
power position+mid knee+mid shin
3x(1+1+1) @ 30%, 40%, and 50%
These actually felt really good. I only used 55#, but this is also a lift that I’m not comfortable with. My form just felt really good overall.
MetCon
3 rds for time:
3 Chest 2 Bars – modified to ring rows
3 Ring Dips – modified using bands
6 HSPU – modified to push ups
9 burpee box jumps 24/20″ – modified to step ups
Wednesday, December 7th
Strength
3 position clean:
Power position+ mid knee+mid shin
3x(1+1+1) @ 30%,40%,50%
These actually felt really good too. I only used 65#, but again, my form felt great.
MetCon
12-9-3:
Deadlifts #205/145
T2B
I only used 135# on the deadlifts and they felt rough on the lower back. I modified to knees to elbows. I really fucking hate knees to elbows. I really it’s still working my core, but I feel like a monkey swinging from the rig, working around my big belly.
Friday, December 9th
Strength
Split jerk
(2 second pause in receiving position)
5@ 50%, 60%, 70%
We have not worked on these in a while so they felt really shaky. I worked up to 85# and then stopped. Form was bad.
MetCon
12 min AMRAP
8 single arm ring row (each arm)
10 med ball burpee
12 medball situps
14 wallballs
#14/10
I looked at this WOD before and I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it without hurting something. But, I had felt really good all week, so I wanted to get in the gym. I ended up being the only one in class. My coach agreed that this workout probably wasn’t the best thing.
He suggested low impact, rowing intervals. I rowed for 30 seconds, took a break for 30 seconds, for 10 minutes. It doesn’t sound like a lot, but it definitely got my blood flowing.
