I’m not really sure where this pregnancy has gone.
I’m already down to 10 weeks left in this pregnancy.
I honestly can’t believe it. The days and weeks just seem to literally fly by.
With that said, I had a pretty monumental emotional breakdown on Wednesday of this week. I hadn’t really talked about it much, but Raelynn has been having some pretty monumental meltdowns in the morning. She just doesn’t want to get up, and then she doesn’t want to go to the potty, and then she doesn’t want to put her clothes on.
One day this week, she wanted to go to Wal-Mart instead of daycare.
That was pretty interesting. We got to daycare and she was extremely pissed that we weren’t at Walmart.
Wednesday, was just kinda the cherry on top of all of the meltdowns. She instantly started crying when I woke her up. Normally I can somewhat calm her down to a point of being able to at least talk to me, but not today. There was no letting up.
She almost started to make herself get sick from crying so hard. At the very least, I know she will calm down when we get in the car, and today just wasn’t that day. She cried almost the whole way to daycare. It just really, really got under my skin. I hate that I couldn’t calm her down.
It really took me back to the colic days. It was a flashback that I did not like. I drove the whole way to work with the music off, just lost in my thoughts. The longer I drove, the more I thought.
I thought about Briar being here in 10 weeks.
I wondered if Raelynn was acting like this as a test for the new baby.
Would this new baby have colic?
Would I be able to deal with it better than I did with Raelynn?
Then my mind completely went to work… I had so much to do at work before I left.
Was there anyway that I was really going to get it done?
Was I going to have everything ready by the time my replacement came?
Then my mind shifted to oh my god, is being off work for 12 weeks a good idea?
Can we really financially swing that? Really, no….we can’t. So then I started to stress the fuck out about money.
The icing on the cake and that’s when I feel like it all made sense…I had a memory pop up on my phone and realized that one year ago on November 30th, I found out I was pregnant for the third time, only to lose this one a few short weeks later.
I completely lost it.
I tried to calm down because I was already at work, but it wasn’t happening. I finally calmed down enough to call Scott and talk to him. I told him I needed like 10 minutes of his time to just help me rationalize. That was what I needed. I told him about everything from Raelynn that morning to all of my dumb, stupid thoughts.
It was simply just an overwhelming day. Also, I still hadn’t been to the gym yet. It was only 9 days off, but that was really unusual for me. I knew I needed it. I didn’t even really have a good reason to not go on Monday or Tuesday. I just let other things get in the way. Not today. I was going no matter what.
So, I normally talk about the gym at the end, but I want everyone to follow this hellacious day of mine.
I have not done handstands since about Week 8 of pregnancy. We did hand stand holds then and I was already completely off balance and even though I was pretty good at them, I just decided that this was something I could do without. The main concern when doing hand stand holds, or hand stands in general, is that you are going to fall. Overall, they pose no threat to the baby or you.
I decided I would do handstands today with the assistance of my coach.
I mainly wanted to do them to help Briar turn. I had read that inversions can help. I know I had previously said that I wasn’t going to worry about trying to turn her, but it was becoming increasingly more uncomfortable. I figured this was the perfect opportunity.
I was really nervous to try. I wasn’t nervous that I was going to fall. I was nervous that I was going to do something internally to hurt Briar. What if she was transverse for a reason? What if there was something blocking her from turning? What if these handstands put her in a compromising position?
OMG. I know. It’s so dumb to continually have all of these thoughts. Can’t help it. So I finally sucked it up and did it.
And it felt pretty amazing on my vagina.
All of the pressure was gone while I was upside down. I just wanted to stay like that forever. I was so glad that I did them.
THEN….after that, we had a 40 minute ROMWOD.
THEN…the WOD was optional. Given the day that I had, I knew I needed to sweat so I was doing the WOD. Another guy ended up doing it with me. I was able to do this WOD RX. Which made me even happier.
Wednesday, November 30
Strength
Hand Stand Holds
8min
:20 ON
:40 OFF
ROMWOD
Chi
Cherry
Metcon
3RFT
500m Row
20 Thrusters w/bar
THEN…it all went back down hill.
I had some pelvic pressure after the workout, but that wasn’t unusual. The longer I sat still at work, the worse it got. I was in for real tears at one point because I could not even sit without it hurting, I couldn’t stand up, I couldn’t walk. It all hurt.
I was so mad at myself. I swore I would never put myself in this position again after I aggravated my sciatic nerve doing squats.
But, here I was, in some pretty unbearable pain. I even ended up calling the OB because it was so bad. From everything I had described to them, they told me I had probably separated my pelvic bone. Cool. I was so over all of this pain shit.
I guess you could say that with the exception of the handstands being a success, Wednesday sucked ass.
Thursday, December 1st
Strength
Back Squat Bottom EMOM w/bar
10min
:30 ON
:30 OFF
Even though I was hurt…I still wanted to go to the gym and just move. I had to be smart though. Squats were obviously not smart at this time. I asked my coach if I could just do handstands again since it felt good. He said yes, and he would help me.
So, we attempted to do the same thing as yesterday, except it felt horrible. Swinging my leg and kicking myself up to the wall was pretty much unbearable pain. So, I used a 24″ box and did half ass inversions. Whatever.
MetCon
3min – Push Press w/bar
2min – Rest
3min – Toes 2 Bar – modified to knees to elbows
2min – Rest
3min – Double Unders – rowed for calories instead of even doing singles since I was hurting.
My score was 116 reps.
Only two days this week. I was just not feeling it. I was hurting. I didn’t want to kill myself.
Friday, I had a therapy appointment and we had our annual girls Christmas.
Therapy was good and obviously came at a perfect time. There was nothing super monumental, it just felt good to talk about the past week.
The annual Christmas party has evolved from us drinking margaritas at a local Mexican restaurant and exchanging gifts to a fun filled night with all of our children 🙂 Wine was involved, but not for me :/ soon enough….I will have my glass!
It is just so fun to watch the kids together. They play, they fight, they makeup. It’s like a big group of brothers and sisters. I can’t even imagine what our group will look like in a couple of years. We are growing at a very rapid rate. Everyone is going to need to get bigger houses so we can all fit!! LOL
So far next year we are adding on 2 girls and 1 more boy to this group 🙂
