The overwhelming anxiousness hit me like a brick wall this week.
My anatomy scan is next week and I’m extremely nervous.
This is just kind of the defining moment that will let us know if everything is okay. I’m not naive to this process. I realize, there are things they can miss and even if there is something wrong, there is a possibility that they won’t pick it up. But, if there is something obvious, they will be able to tell. This has literally been consuming my thoughts. I can’t focus half of the time because I am thinking about this all the time. I promise, I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to think like this.
I started thinking…what is making me think like this? Even in past pregnancies, I hadn’t really thought like this. My main goal was making it out of 1st trimester. This is only the second time I have made it out of the 1st trimester, but I don’t remember having these feelings with Raelynn. What was triggering these feelings and thoughts?
I finally figured it out.
As a lot of pregnant women, I have an app on my phone that tracks pregnancy. Some features are what is going on inside you and even outside of you, week by week as well as a discussion board. The app I had was What to Expect. I was apart of two forums, January and February 2017. Between the two boards, there were upwards of 300,000+ members from literally all over the world.
People would post anything and everything. It was this week, week 17 that I noticed a couple of people, especially on the January board, were posting about abnormalities in their anatomy scans. I would read and research and read again and research again, as if it were me going through it. These 3 or 5 in 300,000+ people were making me think that something was going to be wrong with my scan. I knew what I needed to do, but I didn’t want to do it.
I had to delete the app and put that shit out of sight, out of mind, for my own sake.
It’s really dumb that I have to do that, but it was causing me too much unnecessary stress, so I had to. I finally did it after contemplating for a couple of days about it. It’s just not even worth it for me. I have decided that I may try to add it back a little later in pregnancy or after I have this baby or never. But, if it ever gets to me like it did this time, I will delete it immediately.
In hindsight…I literally let an app stress me out. How fucking stupid does that sound? But it did, and I can’t help the way I feel. I can only try to control it. I have zero regrets about deleting it.
In other news…
Last week, I ate like shit, and I didn’t go to the gym except for one day, so I felt like absolute shit all week last week. I finally decided to half ass meal prep this week to see how it would go, and it surprisingly went very well. This was the first week that I felt like I could fully consume what I used to eat and not feel sick or turn away from it. Obviously, this week, I felt probably the best I’ve felt in a very long time.
Even though I know how clean eating works and I’ve practiced it for several years, it’s truly amazing how much different I feel physically and mentally when I eat better as opposed to eating like shit.
My body and mind must have know how much I needed CrossFit as a stress reliever this week because I went 5 days in a row.
That hasn’t happened since March. So, I was super happy. Hitting the gym 5 days this week paired with eating well was a very nice change for me. Even though I was extremely anxious the majority of the week, by the end of the week and the weekend, I truly felt like a new person.
So, I think at this point, I have established that I’m a pretty competitive person. Almost every day this week in CrossFit was a max day. At 17 weeks pregnant, I knew I needed to be careful, but, for me, that didn’t mean completely backing off.
I told myself I was going to add the weight on the bar, without really taking note of how much was actually on the bar, and when it got the point that I felt like I needed to stop, I would. So, if it was super under my weight, I would be fine with that. And the chances of it being super over were very slim to none. I’m not even showing yet, so my belly is not impeding the bar path at all at this point.
Monday, August 29
Strength
Bench Press
1RM Bench Press
1 X 1
I actually established a new 1RM of 105#. I know I have already stated that bench press is a touchy movement because of lying on your back. But, it felt fine, I’m not big enough yet for my belly to be pressing down on my back or to put the baby in any danger. When established a new max, I only do 1, maybe 2 reps, then add weight, so I’m not on my back for an extended period of time, at all. Biggest piece of advice, DO NOT HOLD YOUR BREATHE. It’s very hard during this exercise.
MetCon
5RFT
5 Thrusters #115/75
3 Pullups/Pushups
200m Run
I finished in 12:59 – did ring rows instead of pullups and rowed instead of ran.
Tuesday, August 30
Strength
Back Squat
1RM Back Squat
1 X 1
My max is 210# and I only got to 185#. I have been reading a lot about your back being prone to injury because of the hormone relaxin. My back was definitely feeling the effects of squatting. Usually squatting is my strength, but I just was not feeling it. And that’s okay.
MetCon
100 KB Swings
*5 Goblet Squats Every time you break
#53/35
I finished in 6:21 – only did Russian swings, not American.
Wednesday, August 31
Strength
10min to work up to 80% Snatch
—————————-
6min EMOM
1 Hang Snatch
1 Snatch
I definitely did not work up to 80%. I only used 55#. Snatches are my absolute weakness.
MetCon
21-15-9-3
Squat Clean @50%
T2B
*if you don’t get to parallel in the clean you must do a front squat
OMG I hated this day. This was such a terrible workout for me. It was one of the only workouts that I literally wanted to quit. I wasn’t having a bad day, I wasn’t “in my head”, for some reason, this workout was just really, really, really hard for me. I did the squats cleans RX at 65#, then I did knees to elbows instead of T2B. It took me 21:06 to finish.
Thursday, September 1
Strength
Press
1RM Strict Press
1 X 1
Established a new 1RM of 90#
MetCon
Grace
30 Clean and Jerk
#135/95
I only used 65# – finished in 5:45
Friday, September 2
Strength
Deadlift
1 Rep Max Deadlift
1 X 1
I established a new 1RM of 225#. I couldn’t believe it. And had I not been pregnant, I know I could have done more. My old max was 210#. I just kept adding weight until it got to the point that I felt like I needed to stop. Then, I added the weight up and I was pleasantly surprised.
MetCon
12min PARTNER AMRAP
400m Medball run #20/14
15 – Air Squats
15 – Situps
*partners run together and share ball as needed
I did this by myself. I rowed instead of ran – my reps were 3 + 1. FYI, AMRAP’s are now my absolute favorite. Screw For Time workouts.
Hoping for a less stressful week next week. Fingers crossed for a healthy baby 🙂
