I’m pretty sure this has been my longest blog break. And I totally need to blog, vent, let it out. I’m pissed I waited so long to do this.
Ready…here goes the timeline of events in the past two months:
January 7th – I was reunited with one of my very best friends, Krista. She is the one that left for the airforce in November. Scott and I went to Lackland AFB in San Antonio, TX to visit her. We had so much fun. It was so nice and refreshing to just see her and talk with her and actually hug her. We got to see her graduate from Basic, and then we just really hung out and explored the city a little bit. She still had a curfew so she couldn’t stay with us at the hotel all night, she had to be back by base by a certain time each night, but the days with her were so fun. Much needed on both parties. Myself and another one of her friends are going back to visit her mid April and I am super excited for that. Now that she has graduated basic, she has a little more freedom. She can call and text us when she has time, which is really nice. Overall, so happy to have her in my life and I’m so proud of her and happy for the things she is accomplishing in her life now.
Krista and I
In my last post, we were still living with Scott’s parents. Guess what, we now have our own house and we love it!!! It’s everything we’ve ever wanted plus more. I know that we are 100% where we need to be. I questioned for a while if we were doing the right thing by moving out of our house, living with Scott’s parents, putting our dogs in my parents care. It was just a lot. It really was. But it was all okay. It all worked out. The month we were with Scott’s parents flew by. They were more than helpful with Raelynn and it was really a pleasure to be able to stay there. The dogs adapted well to my parents house. They had their own little space and a fenced in yard. They did make a mess, so I’m sure my parents were glad they were gone for that reason, but everything was okay. It all was okay.
Our New Home
On January 15th we closed on our new house and we were more than ready. We closed around 9 in the morning, rented a UHAUL and moved for 6 hours and got everything to our new house. Not everything put in it’s place, but just physically at our house which was a HUGE relief. Now, we will just be organizing for the next fucking year. Literally, it’s ridiculous. It’s driving me fucking insane to have these boxes every where. Each day, each week, we make progress, but it’s just never enough to get all of the damn boxes out of the house. I swear to God I’m throwing a party for myself when I empty that last box out. But, it’s coming together, slowly. And I’m thankful for our new, big, spacious house. Everyone has adapted well to it. And for that, I am also thankful.
So, I guess I should at least mention Raelynn. I mean, she is the reason that I started this blog. She is amazing. So incredibly amazing. I love being her mom. I love watching her grow. I love watching her learn new things. It’s probably my favorite thing to do these days 🙂 She is pretty much in repeat mode. As in, she repeats, within reason, everything we say. She has just recently started to piece two words together, like, “HI DADA!” “HI MAMA!”. It’s seriously the cutest thing ever. I LOVE when she says words with meaning behind them. She knows “Please” and uses it in the correct context, like, when she really wants something. It just blows my mind that 18 months ago, I was in the hospital giving birth to this little human that just spent the last 9 months growing inside me, and now she walks, runs, talks, yells, is a sass pants, you name it. LOL It’s such a pleasure to be her mother. I will never take that for granted. I will never take HER for granted. Ever.
Raelynn and one of her best friends, maybe future boyfriends, Luke
At last count, she now has 7 teeth budding. I can’t believe that either. At her 15 month doctor appointment, we were literally having the conversation on what to do if she didn’t have any teeth come through by 18 months and then at her 18 month appointment, which was last week, she had 5 visible teeth, and now a short week later, there are 7. Also, at her 18 month appointment, we finally had a positive appointment. She has been on the iron drops for 6 months because of her low iron. They have retested every appointment since then and her blood levels were improving. Her body reacted to the iron drops and she became extremely constipated. It was TERRIBLE to try and watch her poop. She screamed and you could tell it hurt her. Now that she is off the drops, she’s had soft poop for the first time in a very long time. Makes me happy. She also had a good weight gain. She is now 22 pounds and in the 18th percentile. At her lowest she was in the 5th percentile. So, slowly over the course of 6 months, we have got her healthier than she was. For that, I am forever thankful.
Now, on to me, I guess…I’ve had some ups and downs, as expected. I have had some pretty big events happen in my life. Moving was actually not that stressful at all. We had a couple people that helped and we knocked it out quick. When we first moved in and actually brought the dogs over, it was pretty nerve wracking. I felt like they were just going to bolt out of the door at any second. Scarlet tried to at one point, but only once. Sable had a couple of accidents in the house. All of these incidents were within the first week of them living her. And then, it’s been smooth sailing for the most part ever since. We do not have a fence yet and I was really, really concerned about that. For now, we just take them out on a leash each time they have to go out. Yes, it sucks, especially right now, because it’s pretty cold. But, the dogs do pretty good on the leashes. They are learning the house and the new land, but adapting well. So happy about that. So happy. Makes me feel a million times better. And, next week, we are FINALLY getting a fence put up. We have been shopping around between a few companies and finally settled on one. I will be so glad when I can just open the door and let them go out instead of having to put their harness and leash on them and then bundle myself up just to take them outside for 5 minutes to do their business.
Work has been pretty stressful, honestly. My main issue is, my accounting boss is in France and I don’t get a lot of support from her. There are so many issues with that. about 80% of the time, I feel like I am all alone and I just have to make a decision to get things accomplished and then deal with the consequences later if there are any. It’s just really frustrating. There is a huge language barrier. She can speak english, but I cannot get over her accent. On top of that, we have had some pretty big changes to the formatting and layout of things and she has been zero help. Then when the results come out, she is not happy with it. Today, she pretty much threw me under the bus to our general accounting team and I lost my shit. I was pretty much in tears and it was just because I was so fucking mad. ON TOP OF THAT, we went through an audit in December when I was going through my miscarriage and we got the preliminary results for that…D…which is what we expected. But when i got the final report of 73 pages of shit to fix. I just felt defeated. None of it was a reflection on me, obviously, because I just joined 5 months prior to the audit, but I knew I was in for a lot of work. I know that everyone is under their own pressure at work, in life, etc, but the work load has just plain out finally hit me. I was about to write that I wasn’t complaining, but I’m definitely complaining. I’m venting. This has been so pent up and built up. Work related issues have definitely been the cause of the majority of my stress and anxiety in the past two months. I guess, that’s a nice change?
So, what do I do to relieve all of this stress and anxiety? I still go to therapy monthly and I have totally stepped my game up in CrossFit. Therapy is a key to my success in overcoming my post partum and anxiety, but it’s also necessary that I still go to maintain my anxiety. I make it a point to write down situations that cause me anxiety or stress so I can tell her about them. She also initiates a lot of helpful conversation. Overall, I’m super happy with therapy and I’m going to continue to go for as long as I have to or that I deem it necessary.
CrossFit. Holy hell CrossFit is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have been going to same box since November and I love it. I have found people that are amazing and encouraging and accepting. I have found my groove. I am stronger than I’ve ever been. I am approaching my year anniversary with CrossFit and it just feels so good. I’ve never stuck with an exercise regimen for so long and so consistently. Two things that have been really amazing in CrossFit in 2016. I made a goal to get to the box at least 4 times a week and more times than not, it’s happened. I can’t explain it but 3 times a week is just such a comfort zone for me. I really wanted to take that extra step to transform my body so 4 times a week it is! I am really so proud of myself for doing this.
The other amazing thing: I am participating in the 2016 CrossFit Open. I started CrossFit during the Open in 2015. So, to actually be competing in it this year, is something I never dreamed of. It’s basically just the hardest, fastest, heaviest workouts you can do. It’s pretty much what you train for in CrossFit. So, I have already done the first workout. It was last Saturday. I did pretty good, in my opinion. Out of my Gym, I was 6th out of 26th. Tomorrow is my next competition and I’m literally stressing to the max about it. On top of that, Scott and Raelynn are coming. Scott has never watched me do anything CrossFit related before so there is a whole other added pressure. As I’m sitting here typing this, I just want to show him that I am good at something. Something other than being a mom, or an accountant. CrossFit is such a big part of my life and I want to show him that I can be good at it. Like, I am literally sick to my stomach thinking about my workout tomorrow and that Scott will be there. Isn’t that silly? We have been together for 12 years and I’m nervous for him to watch me workout? It doesn’t make any sense…I just want to do good in general so I can prove to myself that all of this hard work for the past year is going to finally pay off. I really want to be top of the leaderboard for my division. It’s definitely possible. I will just have to push extra hard.
Well, 2000 words later, and I think I’m done….for now….
–The Kentucky Momma