The Start of Marital Issues

Scott and I have started to have some marital issues. I feel like I have to disclose this first. Scott is and continues to be my number one supporter. I don’t know what I would do without him. He is one of the best guys ever. I feel like we’ve just been in a really rough patch lately and it just all kinda came to a head on Saturday.

Long story short, he went out on Friday night and didn’t get home until 3 in the morning. I don’t care that he did this, I just hate that he doesn’t text me and tell me what he is doing. I woke up at 2:30 in the morning and he wasn’t there. I knew he was out with friends, but my phone had no text or voicemail explaining his plans for the night.

To me, it’s a respect thing.

I’ve expressed this to him several times, and I will get that call or text that I’m looking for 1 out of every 4 times he goes out.

Anyways, I let him sleep a little longer in hopes that he would help me be productive for the day. He watched Raelynn while I cleaned and I’m totally okay with that. I was hoping that when we laid her down for her nap, we could really knock some shit out and tag team it and get everything done.

Nope. We had just put her down and I finished up washing the dishes and I went in the living room to tell him something and his ass was sleeping. OH EM GEE, I was fired up. I let him sleep. I didn’t even bother to wake him up. I busted my ass and got the whole entire house cleaned by the time we had to leave. I didn’t say a word.

We also had a birthday party to attend. So I put on a happy face while we there. Boy, when I got home, I really laid into him. And then we didn’t talk for the rest of the night.  I went to bed at 9:00pm because I was tired of sitting there in silence.

Scott finally got out of bed around 9:30 the next morning and I had no intentions on talking to him. He suggested around 10am that we go get breakfast at Cracker Barrell. I agreed because in my mind we could have a civil conversation in public without me blowing up again.

We did have a civil conversation about a lot of things. Not just things that happened this weekend.

We have been really disconnected lately on all levels.

I don’t think either of us meant for that to happen. We just developed such a routine and it’s hard to sway from that. There are some days when we can’t even carry on a conversation. Not for lack of having things to talk about but because we put our phones and/or a TV show first. It’s really been eating me up. I did not want to continue on this path especially since we have started trying for another baby.

I opened up to the therapist about all of this today and she said that it was good that I recognized the disconnect and we are trying to address it. She suggested things like, putting phones away and TV off for 15-30 minutes each day and just talking a little bit. This may sound so dumb. But it’s so true.

Just recently, Scott and I celebrated out 3 year anniversary. We went to a local restaurant, ordered wings, a couple pitchers of beer, watched sports, and talked.

We REALLY talked.

Scott talked my ear off about some things going on at work that I had no idea about. And I know that I still wouldn’t’ know about them if we hadn’t went to dinner that night. Things as simple as that, we take for granted. I hate that we have got to this point that we almost don’t know what is going on in one another’s lives. It boggles my mind. So, I am going to suggest this to him and see what he says…

The phones are a whole other issue. Again, it’s not that we do it on purpose, but we will literally sit on our phones for hours on end and not even recognize that we are in the same room with each other because we won’t talk for those hours we are on our phones.

My therapist told me that phones have obviously created a huge barrier for some couples and I can totally see that. I just didn’t imagine that Scott and I would be that couple. I’m going to suggest from certain times of the day when we are together, we not be on our phones at all unless taking a call or texting someone back. We will see how that goes over.

Of all weekends, this was the last weekend I wanted to be having an argument with Scott because it was the 2 year anniversary since my D&C. It’s the day I officially feel like I lost the twins. I wanted and needed his support. And I know he needed mine too. The loss of the twins still affects him too. That’s why I was thankful for our reconciling conversation on Sunday morning at breakfast. I’m thankful for having Raelynn because even though I think about the twins every day, she takes my mind off them temporarily.