First and foremost, Raelynn is doing AMAZING. She is the most important thing to me and I’m so thankful that she is okay. She has been responding very well to the iron supplements. My husband and I can tell that she has more energy, she wants to eat more food, and she even extended her bed time until around 8:00 p.m. instead of 7:00 p.m. I’m so thankful the doctor picked up on this. And, it’s just still one of those things that is so common, but you just never think it’s going to happen to you or your family. Most excited for no more blood draws!
Second, FUCK SELLING OUR HOUSE. Our house is officially back on the market after all the bullshit with our prior buyer. We have two open houses this weekend. No requests at all for showings this week, though. Major bummer. But, as I have said before, I will take it as a sign from God that it’s just not our time yet. It will all happen when it’s meant to be. Scott is getting pretty anxious about it, but I’m actually okay with remaining in our house a little longer. Most certainly for sentimental reasons. Weird, I know. One good thing is the house that we have a contract on, they are willing to stick around with us and wait on something to happen with our house. They have put their house back on the market, BUT we still have a contract on it. Basically someone can try to come in and offer something up better than we have. BUT if they don’t then we still get the house. A little confusing, but I am happy they decided to stick with our contract.
We have “officially” decided to start trying again. This brings on too many emotions and questions. Are we ready to be a family of four? Am I really ready to be pregnant again? Am I equipped to deal with another miscarriage in the event that happens? What if we don’t get a bigger house? How in the hell are we going to fit four bodies into our house? More than anything, I’m just really worried about being pregnant again. I did not enjoy my pregnancy with Raelynn at all because I was worried the whole time that something was going to happen. I was not “connected” with my pregnancy at all. I know it will be the same this time around too. There is just too much shit that can go wrong. I hate that I think like this, but my first pregnancy really ruined me. Then, there’s the question of, is it really possible for me to have two healthy babies? I can’t even explain this, but I feel like there is no way in hell this is going to happen. I had a fairly healthy pregnancy with Raelynn and an easy delivery and overall she is healthy. How can this happen twice? How can I be blessed twice? It may seem illogical, but it’s the way I think. I can’t help it. I just wish I would’ve never had the miscarriage because it has just ruined me.
I am starting a new CrossFit gym on Monday. With my new job, there is one that I can literally walk to so I decided to cancel my membership at my current gym. Since I started my new job, if I go to the gym, I am driving over 100+ miles. I would have to wake up at 4:30 to get there for the morning class, or I wouldn’t get home until 7:30 if I went to the evening class, so this will be a lot better for me. I haven’t been to CrossFit in 2 weeks. This is the longest time I’ve been out. The driving was killing me and I was getting discouraged. I think this is exactly what I need is a new gym. I think being out for two weeks has really done a number on my anxiety and stress levels. I went and talked to the owner at my new gym this past week and he just seemed much more involved and concerned with my personal goals with CrossFit. I’m thinking this is the new perspective that I need.
My new job is going well. I’m in a position to make bigger decisions than I anticipated, but I’m okay with that. It’s only going to help me in the long run.
That’s all for now…
–The Kentucky Momma