I got a call yesterday around 2:00 p.m. It was Raelynn’s doctor about her blood results. He asked if I had some time to go over her blood work. My heart immediately sank because I knew it was not going to be what I wanted to hear.
Her results weren’t bad, but they weren’t necessarily good either. From the iron study, they concluded her iron levels were “low-normal”, so basically just below normal, but a little on the low side. I was okay with that. In my mind, the iron supplements could hopefully fix that. He is now concerned with her hemoglobin levels. They seem to be pretty low. He then proceeded to tell me what more information than I could comprehend or that I cared to hear. I had to ask him to repeat himself like 3 times so I could write everything down and research it like an idiot.
From the conversation, this is what I gathered:
- We have to go back and get retested this upcoming Friday for a potential blood disorder
- They are going to do a hemoglobin electrophoresis that tests the hemoglobin even further and they are going to test something else to see if her body is responding to the iron supplements.
- The blood disorder in particular they are going to test for is thalassemia.
- This is a hereditary disorder that either myself or Scott would be carrying to pass down to her. Even though neither of us have this disorder, we could be carrying the gene and could have passed it to her. The gene could just be dormant within us.
- Once these blood results are in, he will decide if still thinks it’s just the anemia or if he thinks it’s something else that requires further testing or a specialized doctor like a hematologist. Obviously, we are praying that’s it’s just the anemia and she will respond to the iron supplements.
I googled way too much about thalassemia yesterday. I feel deep in my heart that there is no way she could have this. Yes, she is displaying some signs/symptoms that could be thalassemia, but it’s just one of those things where I just think I might be reading into it too much.
We live in a world full of information. In my opinion, too much information. Why do I put myself through googling anything? End result, your child is going to die. Every. Single. Time. I know that even before I do it, so I don’t understand why I do this to myself.
With my first pregnancy, I was able to diagnose myself with the exact condition of my miscarriage, a blighted ovum, even before the doctor told me. I can’t even explain it to you, but I just KNEW i was going to have a miscarriage with my first pregnancy. I read so many different articles about all the different types of miscarriage that are possible. So whenever they told me that I had an empty sac with no baby, I turned to my husband and told him we had a double blighted ovum. It’s beyond me that I put so much time into researching this. It didn’t prepare me for anything, or make things any better for me, it still hurt just as bad when they told me I was miscarrying. So, why? Why do I put myself through this when I don’t even know what the end result is going to be.
I’m just feeling all out of sorts. It makes my heart hurt to even think that my baby girl could have something wrong with her that could be a long term problem. I want her to be happy and healthy and be able to thrive in the world like a normal person with nothing holding her back. She already has a such a huge personality and I’m sure she will use that to her advantage as she gets older.
I just want everything to be okay. I keep thinking after all these blood tests that they are going to call me and finally tell me, “Keisha, it’s all okay. Don’t worry about anything. Continue life as if we didn’t do 800 blood tests.” Praying this call I will get next week will be that call.
Pray for me and my daughter, y’all.
–The Kentucky Momma