Stressed Out and Pumping

I had a really, really anxious day on Friday. I was at work by myself and I was given a list of tasks that I had never completed before and was basically told to get it done. I was very nervous and stressed out because I didn’t want to let anyone down. I take a lot of pride in delivering a good end result. I could just feel the tension mounting inside me. Then, all of a sudden, it was time for me to pump. I knew I wasn’t going to pump good because every single time I am stressed out, I barely get 2 ounces. I was so tense. I tried to relax and chill out before I sat down to pump, but I just couldn’t. Here was my end result, about 2 1/2 ounces:

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I was so mad and it just made me even more stressed out. My daughter just started to eat between 4 1/2 and 5 ounces, so clearly, this was not going to be enough. I normally pump around 4 ounces. My morning pump is usually a little more, so it makes up for what I can’t produce during the day to make a full bottle for her. I kept thinking to myself over and over that I needed to chill out and destress somehow so I could pump enough for the next bottle.

One of my friend’s told me about this app she had on her phone for relaxation a long time ago. it’s called the “Calm” app.

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I’ve had it on my phone for well over 6 months and I’ve never used it. When my next pump rolled around, I figured I needed to try it because I was still stressed out. I hooked myself up to the pump, plugged my headphones in, and started the app up. it give’s you the option to do 5 – 30 minutes of guided relaxation with soothing sounds and a voice guide that somewhat tells you how to relax. I chose 25 minutes.It was a combination of ocean sounds and a very calm voice telling me how to sit, how my body should feel. etc. This was my end result after pumping and listening to this app:

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5 WHOLE OUNCES!!!! I NEVER PUMPED 5 WHOLE OUNCES! I couldn’t believe it. I closed my eyes the whole entire time while I was listening to this app and I looked up and I was jumping for fucking joy. It’s amazing what you get excited about when you’re a parent.

Anyone who has pumped or who is currently pumping while at work will tell you that pumping sucks. I’ve never met a person who enjoys pumping. Whenever you add the additional stress of not pumping enough, it’s a fucking nightmare. if you have a frozen stash, it’s sacred and you do not want to ever dip into that. But, these past couple of weeks, I’ve had too and it feels really awful. I know the purpose of the stash is there for emergencies, but still, it’s just something you don’t want to touch. Ever. I have around 600 ounces in the freezer and I really want to save that for when I am ready to wean, then she can have that. I do rotate out my stash every day. I send frozen and fresh milk to daycare, but I always would make enough to replenish my stash. Except for recently.

Whenever I am stressed out, I’m going to continue to try this app and see if it works. Maybe it will work for some of you mommas out there that are in the same boat as me.

Have a good week y’all!

–The Kentucky Momma

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