I MISS…I LOVE

I miss being able to drive in the car without pumping…

I miss my life not revolving around her every single feeding…

I miss being able to stay out later than 7 p.m…

I miss being able to go out without thinking twice…

I miss WANTING to go out…

I miss not being on edge all the time…

I miss my freedom…

I miss my social life…

I miss the margarita nights that me and my girls used to have…

I miss BEER…

I miss WINE…

and I sure as hell miss that SHINE…

BUT…

I love her…

I love her smile…

I love her little belly laugh she has…

I love that she says “dadadadadada”…

I love when she wakes up on Saturday mornings and is so happy to see me…

I love spending time with her…

I love that she knows how to clap her hands now…

I love when she snuggles up against me…

I truly love the way she has changed me into a better person..

Lately, I am constantly finding myself “missing” a lot of things from my past life. I would like to think that’s normal for a new mom. I mean, my life has literally done a complete 360. Even though my husband and I did plan for her and, in our minds, were very prepared for her, we were sadly mistaken.

Sometimes…most of the time, it’s hard for me to let go of her and let someone else watch her. I have such a strong and unexpected bond with her, it’s literally so hard for me to let go. I want to be with her 24/7. I am slowly realizing, for my own sanity, that I need to let go a little. Even just for a couple of hours. I am sacrificing my social life and my marriage, in some instances, by constantly staying at home. I just feel safe there and I feel that it’s an inconvenience to take her out when everything she needs is at home. I am trying to come to terms that I need to get out more. I really do. I have missed several social events lately because I would just rather stay at home with my daughter, then I find myself regretting not finding a sitter and going out.

I envy you mom’s that have y’alls shit together because I sure as hell do not! I am a work in progress, for sure.

–The Kentucky Momma

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