Anxiety Has Taken Over My Life

Having my little girl has changed my entire world. I would not replace her for anything, but this anxiety shit has got to go.

Anxiety Never Stops

My husband and I are huge University of Kentucky fans. If you have been following their men’s basketball at all, you would know that we are currently 35-0! Go CATS! This year the NCAA tournament first and second round is in Louisville, which is where we live. The Cats are housed in Lexington, about 1 1/2 hours away. I’ve really been wanting to try and get tickets to go see them. I figured, we wouldn’t have an opportunity like this again in the near future to see them on our home turf and to see this team! They played Thursday night and won, so now they play Saturday at 2:40 p.m. and I freaking got really awesome tickets!

So, what’s the issue??… My anxiety.

We are leaving my daughter with my in laws for almost 24 hours for an overnight stay. It’s the most she’s ever been away from me. My husband suggested it and given the time of game, it made perfect sense. But I didn’t like it. I didn’t like being away from my daughter. Especially for a whole day.

She has only had two overnights so far and I’ve not necessarily enjoyed either of them. Sure, I have fun at night when she is gone, but then in the morning, I am trying to go get her at 6:00 a.m. because I am THAT crazy person. I can’t even sleep in because my mind is racing about when am I going to be able to go get her.

I don’t like to interfere with her schedule that she pretty much developed and I follow because it works. If it ain’t broke…don’t fix it…right? So…was an overnight that big of a deal? To me, absolutely. I sound like an insane person right? I mean, I am out of my freaking mind. But, I decided to do it.

Whenever I text my mother in law to let her know that she would for sure be spending the night, she was ecstatic. Then, she dropped a FUCKING bomb on me…she wanted to take her to church the next day.

Are you FUCKING kidding me?

You would’ve thought she asked if it was okay if she wanted to take her out of the damn country. Tears started flowing. I’m seriously crying over this. Crying because I’m not going to be able to go get my daughter at 6:00 a.m….I know, I’m for real out of my god damn mind. I know. Even as I write this, I know how absolutely dumb it sounds to get so upset over something so trivial. I can’t help it. I wish I did not feel like this or think like this. I feel sad, mad, my anxiety is high as ever, the emotions just don’t stop.

But, I’m letting her do it. I’m going against everything I feel inside myself right now. So, instead of getting her at 6:00 a.m. like the crazy person, I am getting her around 10:30 a.m. 22 1/2 hours from the time I drop her off. 22 1/2 hours! In my mind, that is going to feel like 22 1/2 years. For my sake, and my husband’s sake, I have to let go. Just a little bit at a time. WE have to have our time together too. Not having her for 22 1/2 hours tugs on my heart like you could not even imagine.

Lord Jesus, y’all pray for me.